AITA - Im fuming.

Idk what your living and child care situation looks like however it sounds like he has been working and so have you. Have you expressed to him that you were looking for a break upon the family’s return home?

If I had to guess, the fact that he is asking suggests to me that he knows he probably shouldn't be going, but is asking in the slight hope that maybe you will tell him it's okay. I would focus on the fact that he's validating your feelings by asking your permission. Did you tell him openly how you feel? If he's asking, you are allowed to say no. And if he's asking in a way where saying no isn't an option, then he's not really asking at all. I don't know what your normal home life and relationship is like, but if this is a one time thing, I would give him the benefit of the doubt. It's not like he just up and left, he DID ask.

Last night I communicated how I feel frustrated with how he seems to never consider me. He is always extra careful to not bother others but when it comes to me and my preferences he always pushes them. In top of all of this, I’ve been complaining at his lack of initiative when it comes to is having date nights or meaningful moments to connect emotionally. So this basketball game pisses me off even more because not only am i exhausted for being with the kids all day everyday this week in a completely new city, driving around. Dropping him off and picking him off. Making plans for dinner and things for all of us but this is yet another time he could have shown some initiative and either planned for us to do something, even a dinner, or taken the moment to tell me to take an hour or two to decompress because this week has been very heavy on me. But nop, his priority is a freaking basketball game at 5 so the kids will be wide awake. Im just so angry.

In context, I can understand your frustration. This seems to be less about the game and more about a wider pattern where you feel neglected in your relationship, which is valid. Just for the sake of an opposite perspective to consider, one thing you mentioned does resonate a little with me - i felt for a long time that my husband often considered the feelings of others, but not mine as often. He also tends to unleash his frustration more often with me - not ON me, to be clear; but he vents to me about work frustrations and things that bother him, where he isn't like that with anyone else. After talking about it, I learned that this is because I am his safe space. He is more considerate of others, but he trusts me enough to be his true, authentic self without restrictions. so while it may seem like he's more considerate of the feelings of others, in reality he just feels safe and secure in our relationship. Sometimes that comes with forgetting to prioritize it, so we've made sure to work on that.

It sounds like you both need a break. i know when men feel like a lot of complaints and frustrations are coming at them of course they aren’t gonna want to be around, nobody wants to be in a stressful or negative environment. I think if you put a bit less stress or pressure about certain things he will get more involved. It does sound frustrating but it also sounds like something you guys can solve with better communication. Have you tried to compromise hey if you go to the game I’d like to get x amount of time to do something me time or schedule a date night. Did he use to plan all that stuff dinner and dates? I think if he didn’t before it’s hard to expect him to do it now tbh I think you need to have a deeper serious conversation about how neglected your feeling

Sounds like you’re both working and need an outlet. You’re not necessarily wrong but neither is he. He was at work. Not having a break. You both need a break mama.

I agree. We both need one but it feels like im always prioritizing the family. Always thinking of what everyone needs and wants. Im always thinking of time together while he is thinking of what to do alone. I don’t feel valued or appreciated and this made it a thousand times worse. He did apologize but after I got mad and told him how inconsiderate he is. He said it wasnt a big deal and he doesnt care if he doesn’t go. But then again, if he doesnt care why even bring it up knowing ive been stretching myself so thing this week. It would have been so validating if he mentioned the game but then said “but i know you are exhausted so ill stay back and spend time with the kids”… I guess it makes me angry that I even have to explain it or say it. I wish I just got validation and support without having to complain about it. Sorry about the rant. I needed to vent.

I’d be like “Sure but I’m getting an entire spa day the next day so don’t come back too lit or too late”

Oh he can go. But I’m taking off Saturday night then. I’ll say yeah you can go, you’ll have to stay home tmr evening to look after kids so I can go out though, I’ve been w them all week. And then call a gf and plan something on Sat night. This week I coincidentally have something on both Friday and Sat night but that’s not every week, he sees his boys every second week but I don’t resent him coz I get enough nights out myself. Tell him he can go. But make plans for Sat night. Instead of resenting, make it fair. You go, I go. After a long week of working he wants to see his friends or do a hobby, that’s okay w me. But then as long as I have my night.