Child support

I believe in some states you can request a modification any time and some states you have to have some years in between. If your partner makes more money now vs then child support was set that could increase the support. If you have had children together since the child support was calculated that could decrease support.

If the child support is ordered by the court she can ask for a modification usually every 2 years or if she thinks the other party had an increase in their income by a certain amount. Let her waste time lol if your income hasn’t changed she’s just gonna waste her time and money.

Your income and her man’s income or any other kids that aren’t theirs doesn’t typically impact child support ( like her man’s kids). Unless he’s had a pay increase the amount stepkid is at your place or y’all make a lot a lot of money she’s likely going to be disappointed. Child support is used to balance the income of the biological parents, basically to provide similar opportunities in each household. I’d keep records of everything you’ve been providing and the cost of each item so y’all can show how much u spend for the other house. If it isn’t in a court order you don’t have to provide it. You also may even be able to prove she’s purposely underemployed.

If you have 50/50 there shouldn’t be any. And the kids having the same thing in both homes is just a bunch of bull. It’s like your husband would still be married to her, except sleeping in a different home with you. That’s why I like alimony, because it helps the mother get on her feet so she is able to provide for her OWN family.

@Elaina in a lot of places there’s still child support when parents have 50/50 it’s typically based upon income difference not time sharing. I’ve even seen parents who have the child majority of the time owe the other.

I hope these things you are buying outside of giving child support you save receipts for. Cause if there’s no proof then according to the court and I’m sure bm it didn’t happen. She can request a modification till she’s blue in the face. But like Rema said if his income hasn’t changed she’s just wasting her time and money filing for more.

@Max I know and it bites. But I was just saying what I’d like to see. And I dunno if I was much help with the author but it sounds like she and her husband should go back to court or amend the divorce for a detail parenting plan.

They were never married . And my husband always gets raises every year . I’m not against him supporting his daughter it’s just annoying that bm always feels entitled to it all . Everytime sd comes over she needs something and we always makes sure she’s taken care of but it’s just frustrating . The whole situation

Bm would basically try and contribute to their household to support all 7 kids but even if I don’t wanna care it still affects our household . For example , on my SDs bday she’ll only get hand me down clothes / shoes . So even if bm has the money to spend on sd it’s basically a fund for their household . While I know that shouldn’t be an issue it irritates us when bm will take herself on vacation , not take the kids because they’d all be too expensive . I think her mom gets her a pair of shoes maybe once every other year . Everything down to backpack pencils and underwear we provide . So she hasn’t threatened to go back to court within the last 5-6 months because we pointed out how much we provide and it’s since been quiet even though I know she’s prob thinking of the next thing to try and stir up ..

Unfortunately family court is extremely complicated and often times outdated. Despite it being about the kids it’s often times is more about the parents rights and as a lawyer stated- “in the USA parents have the right to be bad parents.” They have the right to make their own decisions even if they’re not good ones so long as there isn’t proof that they are immediately or greatly harming the child in the long run. Mom has every right to request a child support modification if either income has changed since it was adjusted last and she has every right to spend it however she’d like. Does it suck that she is making choices that aren’t inherently bettering the child’s life, yes it does especially for the kid, but she’s allowed to. Maybe your husband should go back for a stricter parenting plan to include what each parent provides and what’s deducted from child support. Maybe even consider asking for more parenting time if y’all believe that’s in the child’s best interest.

@Max yea I hear ya . Maybe I’m just venting at this point , it’s just hard knowing that everything financially lands on us . I know that money isn’t everything it’s just hard just because we make more money doesn’t mean that we’re earning it easily . Side note : thank you for explaining it in a realistic way

Save those receipts and prove everything you do buy. We deal with a high conflict bm over here. She gets quiet too for a couple months and right when you think you can breathe she attacks. Atleast this way if she takes you to court they can take into consideration everything extra you buy. If they raise the child support then you have a decision to make. Stop buying everything extra, or ask to have it written in that anything extra is split 50/50.

@Elaina that’s not true unfortunately… we have a 50/50 split and we still send ex wife $1000 a month for CS. - it’s to close the gap in quality of life at each house basically. You’re supposed to pay child support AND half of childcare, Extracurriculars etc. at least that’s what a judge ordered for my ex. But a judge will consider reduction if your time with the child is increased. That’s a factor. I obviously wouldn’t try to increase time unless dad is genuinely wanting and thinking that’s best for the child. It sounds like child is used to being with mom mostly.

@Jesselee I know. I said in my text they SHOULDN’T. I’ve experienced 50/50 with child support also.

It’s understandable why you’d be upset or resentful. I imagine it feels like you have to make up for someone’s poor choices or lack of trying and despite yall working your hardest to do so she feels unappreciative and entitled to more. Have you talked with your husband about all this?

@Max yes he hates the situation too but obviously we aren’t gonna let sd lack anything so we continuously provide . It’s feeling like we have to take care of 3 kids in one with monetary support . Then sending her things for her moms . Then making sure she has everything and then some here too . He’s tried to ask bm about having a savings for future things like a car and college and she basically says she’s not willing to contribute . We are by no means rich and that’s why tried to have this convo well in advance so we can try to plan and save over time

With what you’ve told me so far that doesn’t really surprise me. Sometimes you gotta let them reap the consequences of their actions. By continuously providing extra things so she doesn’t go without u r in a roundabout way enabling moms behavior. I get she may not be able to provide the same quality of items you do but if she’s unable to provide them period with proper child support then that’s on her. It is mom’s responsibility to provide basic necessities during her parenting time. If he wants to create a savings for sk he should do so without mom, some is better than none.

@Max yes it’s hard seeing kid lacking things . I remember when she was 10 she was still wearing size 6 underwear . Or the fact that we also have to buy cough medicine and send them with her to her moms . I can go on and on unfortunately

I get it I really do as we were in a similar situation until we decided to stop providing everything over there. We still send clothes or shoes occasionally but we no longer send all the extras. You gotta decide what you guys are and aren’t okay doing and what you’re capable of. I’m honestly curious if he’s thought about a custody modification.

We live 4+ hours away so it’s hard to get her more often :(