MIL

Have u u discussed this with your husband? Ultimatelu, you need to know if he stands with you or with her (in both words and actions). This will help you decide your next step.

@Katherine yes I have and thankfully he agrees that what she said was really out of order, but I guess because she's his mum he's basically wanting to sweep it under the rug despite her not apologising

Tbh I find that a really weird thing for her to say.. The relationship between a husband and wife and between a son and mother are different and should be! If my MIL said that, I'd be annoyed too!. The only mils I've heard say that, are ones who are on their own and have a weird obsession with their son

She said what?!

What are husband's actions like? Does he put you first or her first?

I’m probably not the best person to ask because I’m no contact with my MIL now (also because of things that were said) and as a rule I just won’t allow nonsense in my life, no matter who’s bringing it. But that specific comment I believe she should have to explain herself and apologise.

@Sophie I found it really bizarre too, it had never even crossed my mind that she would think we were competing in any way...

@Katherine thankfully he puts me first and will put boundaries in place with her too (as she likes to cross them), but he wants us to all get along. Luckily she lives a few hours drive away but he would like us to go and stay with her in the future which I really wouldn't feel comfortable doing

@Lara that's definitely a good way to live life, we don't have time or energy to be dealing with this kind of nonsense. She said all of this when I was only a few weeks postpartum too which just makes it feel 10x worse

I don't understand mils who think like that.. My MIL makes comments on our parenting (she lives 2.5hrs away so rarely sees us as she refuses to drive to ours) and when she does, my husband deals with her as I'm done with biting my tongue anymore. Not long after our LG was born, his mum overstepped with 'advice', comments etc and he told me if it continued he'd go low contact with her as our little family is his priority and if she can't understand that or respect that, she won't be involved. I think once he was blunt with her, she realised how rude it was and that he meant it

@Sophie that's really good that your husband has your back with it all and prioritises your family. Its been a few months since it happened and my husband will speak with her on the phone about once every week or two. As far as I'm aware he's never told her that what she said was wrong, and I basically bit my tongue at Christmas when she came over

@Shaq thanks, I think my ideal outcome would be to not have to stay with her again, even if my husband does. I'd be fine with him taking my son to see her when he's older, but wouldn't be comfortable with her looking after him alone. It feels like she tried to frame it as her being helpful and me being a hormonal new mum but she was actually completely disregarding my feelings and beliefs in my own home and that comment afterwards was just the cherry on the cake!

I guess I'd kind of feel selfish if, by my husband raising it with her and telling her it was wrong, it drives a wedge between them but it does bother me that she made that comment and it was never addressed

@Shaq thank you, I appreciate it! Sorry to hear about your experience, it sounds like it was awful and its crazy how regularly I hear about people having similar situations with their MIL's. Well done for putting those boundaries in place and keeping her at a safe distance 🙌

@Ariel that's very true, I'm just trying to keep to myself while my husband continues to have his relationship with her. It might become trickier if she asks to come and stay or something but I suppose I'll just deal with that at the time if it comes to it!

I honestly don't get it, seems to be a common thing with the current generation of MILs that they think they should be prioritised by their sons over their sons wives 🤣 As a mum of 2 boys it's certainly not something I will be expecting. Your spouse always comes first 🤷‍♀️

The petty me would at some point have to say to her “you made the mistake of many mother-in-laws by trying to compete with your daughter-in-law for her husband’s attention” 🤣 Honestly, some women are so emotionally enmeshed with their sons it’s ridiculous! I would not sweep it under the rug and I would not be staying with her in the future either. Why do you have to be the bigger person here? She’s the weirdo! You don’t have to accept anyone’s apology if it doesn’t sit right with you.

I let a lot of things slide and consider myself not so hard on parent in laws but if you're actively trying to be obnoxious then yea I would distance myself. Not shut out completely but you'll see me for holidays and bdays and that's about it

So weird. Some of the mils I read about on here are something else!

I personally wouldn't even bother having a conversation with him about his own mom. Chapter closed. I got my own mother to worry about. Seriously.