How do I settle for a single title here ugh!

ADHD diagnosed since I was 14. Am 36 . Lived with feeling lost, unloved unaccepted and judged my whole life. Became a mama at 33. Pregnancy changed my point of view a lot. The struggles still remain but I am distracted with caring for my baby. Literally everyday, I feel like a failure, a bad mom, a bad daughter for not giving my folks any time, for not taking care of myself. I am overwhelmed all the time and I hate my husband. Can't stand him anymore. Never felt like he was a romantic partner. He always felt like my first kid and I fucking hate it. It all went to the gutter when I had my baby. My incompetent husband left me to figure out PPD in the thick of it while dealing with a tear and a new baby. I don't have a job and have been a SAHM/W since we moved to the US. I don't want to leave him only because I will struggle to provide for my baby. Do women end up moving a whole lifetime with seriously moronic husbands only because of their situation/limitation/helplessness? I pour so much into my baby's wellbeing. People tell me I am an amazing mom but what's the bloody point? I cry most nights not feeling or getting any love, craving sex it just wanting to be with a real man. I fuckibg hate this. I wanted to end my life or leave but my baby deserves better. I can't believe I have to live out my life never feeling wanted. And the ADHD is a whole different beast. We tried couples therapy but he is a kid. Not a man. Nothing will help him grow up. I regret so bad having a kid with this man. Can't believe I married him. And his parents made my life hell but he never stood up for me. What's the point of any of this ? 😭😭😭