So I'm wondering if it's just my man or if it's other man's to

@Lyss this is just a small part of everything that goes on but it's the one bad thing I see idk if it's cuase he was raised by a single dad most of his child hood and thinks working him self sick / to death is normal cuase of that (was a teen when his dad got remarried and got a step mom )

honestly my partner initially didn’t want much of a role in childcare but at the very least took on the brunt of housework. even then, he still helped with some childcare and the longer our son has been around the more he has taken up. he saw me being unhappy and stepped up. initially he thought if he did majority of housework i’d be able to do it all but i expressed i like to do some housework/cooking. he is your partner and needs to help support you and your son.

@Helen my fiance always said he'll help more then he is right now but I'm wondering if it's how his dad raised him since he was a single dad up till 9? Years ago (I'm unsure 100% on when his dad married his step mom ) if I'm not wrong he was about 13-14 when his dad got remarried

@Faye he helps but 90 % of everything on me to the point of crying

There’s a big difference between a man who wants a wife & kids and a man who wants to be a husband and a father

Yes, childhood circumstances do impact the thought processes of people, he has likely heard all sorts about women's roles because of his single-parent home, and I can't imagine it got any better when his stepmother came into the frame. Is she the type to lay down and take shit from a man for an easy life? Cause if so, he's obviously seen that treatment and expects it from you. I'd lay down the law as soon as you can. Make it known that you won't be treated lesser-than just because he's got different genitals to you. You both make a mess, he cleans his share, you both made a baby, he does his bit, you both have emotions and needs and only one person's is being fulfilled. Just me incog, but I couldn't stay. I'd never be able to cope with being disrespected like this. I'd suggest couples therapy, and independent therapy for him too, it sounds like you'll need it!

@Kim definitely will bring up the therapy, idk how she was as a mom then but she does all the house work , works 2 days a week I belive I may be wrong on that , and his dad doesn't help with the cleaning 🤷‍♀️ idk if they take turns or what but when we visit its every other week and she's normal is or just got done , I'm not sure about the child care since their daughter is 9 or 10 years old (I'm probably wrong but I'm close with that age )

@Chloe he's trying to do to much all at once doesn't have a day off is always working so it could be just that since he started doing this after our baby was born

No this is completely not right. You guys are supposed to be a team and be in this together. You didn’t get pregnant by yourself. Yes it’s a mother’s job to take care of her kids and so is a man’s. That’s putting a lot of pressure and stress on you bc taking care of a kid alone is not an easy job. He needs to realize how much it will help you and the relationship if he just contributes equally. Yet you’re not able to enjoy yourself or take time for yourself bc of this. He needs to change his ways and see the bigger picture. That’s very selfish. You need a partner a support system not someone so picks and chooses when they want to be a dad.

Yeah, it sounds like he has modelled behaviour from his father. Honestly there's a huge influence on kids from their upbringing and it literally moulds and shapes their conduct in adulthood. Obviously people stray a little bit, but for the most part it does impact people. I would certainly be saying something, otherwise he will end up modelling that behaviour for your child. So I'd make sure to communicate with your child as they age what your expectations of them are to break the cycle. I'm so conscious because I'm having a boy and I want him to be a good partner for someone in the future so won't tolerate any male figure in his life giving him these toxic masculine behaviours. I couldn't imagine thinking that I didn't need to lift a finger because I have a dangly bit between my legs. Good luck incog, hopefully he's responsive to therapy, people can change, but they have to want it!

Most of these men are not responsible at all honestly.

If his job is to provide and protect, why can't he provide a safer place where you can live so you don't need to worry about safety as much and why do you have to work full time then? Absolutely not normal. My recovery has been awful and I'm still recovering. But my hubby does half the chores, cleans (not up to my standards sometimes, but still cleans) and provides help when he can when working from home and 50/50 when we got, sometimes even more when we go out as he knows I need to socialise a bit more than he does as he goes into work too.

If he expects you to act as a SAHM, at the very least, you shouldn’t have to work. But even a SAHM can’t really do it all well. Cleaning and cooking and watching children and grocery shopping and everything you do in the household is at least 5 jobs worth if not more.

he saying I'm working by choice , yes I am but also so he doesn't have to work 3 jobs to support us , his working 1 full time n 1 part time job right now and I don't want him working him self to death but he doesn't understand I'm getting overwhelmed I've never been a mother before our son

@Megan I think it's due to how he grow up and isn't understanding that I want him to help more I ask for help alot since I get overwhelmed when I can't get our son down for a nap (when I just got off an 8 hour shift that is overnight ) and our son just fighting sleep I'm getting overwhelmed cuase that on top of haven't slept since 13 hours before hand and don't wsnt to fall asleep or start to when I'm holding him

@Kim ill definitely be talking to him about everything and see if he willing to change how he sees being a father as

you doing 90% of the work is still not a fair division of labor. if he was single he’d still have to work full time and then come home and take care of all the housework. additionally, he elected into a child and that comes with labor as well. i don’t think it’s even fair for you to consider him helping if it’s barely 10% since he’d be doing more if he was single.

If he’s providing 100%, food, rent, bills, everything for baby and basic clothes and stuff for you then yes you should take care of child while also doing all the housework. However if you still have to work and also pay bills and other expenses then he has no right to tell you to just take care of your baby

@Lia he rather me be a sahm but I rather work some so I can get out n work I had adjusted my work hours so we wouldn't have to find a baby sitter inless we need one for a day of just me n him

@Faye that is also true how can I explain to him about everything since how I been isn't helping

Was it something that you have discussed before having a baby? It seems like he really wants you to stay at home but if he wants that so bad I think there should’ve been a conversation initiated from him before having a baby in terms of your roles in the household. It seems very unfair if this would only come up now

@Lia our son happened sooner then planned and I think it's stressed him out alot so I'm thinking cuase that on top of how he was raised by just his dad is probably is why his being like that on top of us talking about it and so on with that i think that our son happening alot sooner then we planed is making him do alot of stuff he shouldn't be doing like working everyday n not having a day off