Worst Mom Ever

Im posting this ‘incognito’ because I literally feel like the worst mom on the planet. Does anyone else not feel connected to your baby? My husband’s company laid off a ton of people unexpectedly and my husband was in that mix. This happened about 2 months before baby girl was born. With the holidays and everything at the end of the year, no one was hiring. Baby girl was born right before Christmas via C-section (unexpected). It was rough for me so i was thankful he was there to help the whole time. I exclusively pump because of a jaundice issue she had and never latched afterwards. While I’m recovering (back pain has me barely moving) and tied to a pump, he’s feeding her and taking care of us both. Best husband in the world, I know but I never got that bonding time with the baby. He did it all. I returned back to work at 10 weeks and he was still at home with her. I know she knows my voice but I don’t feel connected with her. I don’t react the way i think i should to her crying or anything. He jumps to aid her before I can even process what’s happening. I just feel like i lost out on so much connecting because he’s been here. Is this part of PPD? Added note Im not complaining about the support either, i understand others don’t have anything or unsupportive partners and would kill for what I have. But that doesn’t change how i personally feel. Also, my baby is 15 weeks, she’s at daycare now as my husband has started working so it’s becoming even more noticeable how little I’m involved with taking care or her because he just does it. And baby girl clings to him way more than me. Doesn’t like me holding her for too long.

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I hate how our society has made mums have to go to work right after having a baby! If you can, stay at home for at least a year because your baby needs you. You’ll automatically feel the connection again because that’s where you’re supposed to be. With baby.

Is it possible to talk to hubs about this and see if you can ask him to give you some time to build up a bond? It's amazing that dad has it covered, but I can understand why you feel the way you do. Sounds like you've had a rough start as a mother, but just know that things will get better as time progresses. I know it's not always possible to quit your job and be a sahm, I know I won't be able to when mat leave is over, although I'm lucky enough to have a law that allows me a full year (I'm sorry you American ladies don't, my heart breaks for you and your babies) but if it's possible to take some unpaid leave, even if its just a week to try and learn more about your baby, that might help you build that bond. Just know you're doing all you can in a world that's made mothering 10x harder, you made her and was sharing a body at one stage, and regardless who is taking care of her, she loves you and knows your heart more than anyone's.

It is not required for moms to go back to work until baby is 3. My fiancé felt the same way just take the time to sit for an hour or two and connect in any way possible💜

@Kim I wish I could just take a week off work but in order to get to 10 weeks maternity leave i had to take 4 weeks off PTO. Maybe when I accumulate some more time I will take it off to just get a week with her! I have discussed with my husband and he definitely tries but like most moms, it’s second nature to him now. But we will get there! I just wanted to see if anyone else feels the way I do.

@Layla Caron That’s incredible to have until the baby is 3! The U.S. doesn’t even come remotely close to that time. But I do love the idea of even just a hour or so at a time. Thank you !!

I understand incog, it's so very hard! But absolutely, the moment you can take some time off, please do so! On your days off try and hold dad back if there's something you'd like to try handling, say he gets up to attend baby's crying, a gentle hand on the shoulder and just let him know you'd like to try figuring it out yourself. There will be plenty of other mothers out there in your position so I'm sure you're not alone! But you will get there and you can do it. ☺️ You have time on your side and baby seems very well looked after, just focus on making sure you're also in a good place mentally and the rest will follow.

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