bad behavior issues
so i was a primarily stay at home mom to my daughter. i had gone back to work for 7-8 months in 2023. i’m a solo mom so it was hard on both of us. it got to the point that my daughter just couldn’t handle me being gone every day. i ended up quitting and have been home ever since april 2024. she was a lot better for a little while. if i mention having to go back to work she flips out and starts crying. she’s about to be 4. i no longer have to worry about going back to work at all and can focus on her more. but, she has progressively gotten so much worse. i’m talking; running away from me, throwing her ipad in water, cussing at me, screaming and carrying on when she does get her way, having a whole meltdown over food, destroying things on purpose, etc. she was never like this prior to be going back to work for that short time. i had a relative watching her at first. until i seen the amount of attitude coming from her after week one. i switched back to my previous babysitter. her cousin acts the same way and she’s picked up on that bad behavior. which is why i believe it has gotten so bad lately. if she goes three weeks without seeing that cousin, she starts to turn back into her normal self. once she sees that cousin, it is back to the horrible behavior. idek what to do anymore. i have been the most 50/50 parent when it comes to discipline. i’m a good mix of gentle and only have to use a light swat on her bum when necessary. i do not like harsh punishment bc 9/10 it does not correlate to the problem at hand. but, recently it does matter what i do. she is just plain nasty to me and everyone else. can anyone give me some advice. i’m barely hanging on with this and it’s so hard to figure out what the issue is.
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I would stop seeing the cousin until the behavior improves consistently. Like three months minimum. Like limit interactions to just their birthday parties... If it's not possible (like at family events) stay in the same room and don't let them run off unsupervised. It's more important to keep your day to day home life under control than see them occasionally and stir up trouble. You have good instincts, so just continue being consistent with consequences. If mealtimes are a problem, the meal is over. If they are rude to a guest, she can take a break in her room and try again later, or the visit is over. If the iPad goes in the toilet, it doesn't come back for a few days. If she runs from you, the outing is over. You can give a warning and let her know what will happen, then stick to it. It isn't easy, and she won't thank you for being a good parent in the moment, but she's worth it. Talk about why you have rules in the first place. Read books and talk about the characters' feelings. It will help.
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