Is this demeaning?
Is this demeaning? My fiancés cousin works for him. He’s older. 55. I am going through extreme back pain with 8 months straight of constant sciatica. I need certain things in my house cleaned that I physically can’t do right now. Like my walls, and climbing and dusting ceilings, air vents, baseboards etc. I asked my fiancé if he could hire someone for me just to do that stuff and he said he would get his cousins 55 year old wife to do it. I feel like that’s demeaning. He’s already his cousin’s boss and now his wife will be expected to clean my home? Ofc she will get paid but she’s 25 years older than me I just feel like it’s not respectful to my elders. My fiancé said I’m their boss too. We go hand in hand. The both of them already walk around kissing my ass because of my fiancé. They all said it’s a respect thing. I make a call and it’s done. I walked in their house yesterday for the first time and was literally met with the upmost respect and hospitality. It actually makes me uncomfortable. I am above no one.
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I don’t like walking into a place and having my ass kissed just because of who I am. To me, it’s fake. I understand they respect my fiancé but it’s giving Tony Soprano vibes. I was literally met at the door with a glass of wine and food. Told to put my feet up and relax and anything I needed just tell them and they will do it. My fiancé laughs about it and said it’s because I am the queen to him so I’m the queen to all. I just feel terrible having an “older” lady scrubbing my walls while I sit there. I just genuinely can not do it right now because of my back.
When I was ill and pregnant my mom, who was a bit older than that literally cleaned lots for me and helped make sure the place was ready out of love we didn’t pay her. If they WANT to do it and can pay her for her time then okay - but if they feel like they HAVE to do it then I agree it could feel yucky
Can you just pay an actual company?
Family supports family. If she's physically able, and she wants to help, let her help you ❤️ someone probably helped her when she was pregnant, she knows what it's like. My mum would scrub my house for free when I was pregnant! You're paying her so she's also getting compensated for her work. I don't see the problem.
yes I can but I’m wondering now if it will come off disrespectful that I didn’t give her the opportunity to do it. Apparently it’s what she does for a living. I didn’t know this. I just met her for the first time yesterday. I know they are hard up for money and very appreciative of my fiancé but that makes me feel worse and obligated now
If they need the money I would definitely give her the option to do it first before hiring someone else. Ask if she wants to make extra money by doing it but make sure to emphasize if she doesn’t feel comfortable or doesn’t want to that she doesn’t have to! And see if you can ask her instead of your fiance cause maybe that will be less of a power issue of being asked directly by his boss right
Ah. Well in that case I would pay her for services. You’re not “using” her. She’s providing a service and you’re paying her.
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