Doing everything wrong?!
Not entirely sure why I’m posting this but feel like I just need to get it out somewhere and see if anyone else is feeling the same way. Maybe then I’ll feel less alone or less like a rubbish mum.
My LB is 10.5 months and I just feel like everything is such a struggle - there’s not one area where I feel like we’re really thriving and I feel so much guilt as a result and that he’d be better off with another mum who doesn’t find everything so hard.
He has never been a good sleeper, he still contact naps for every nap (only after being fed) and still wakes numerous times to breastfeed during the night. Most nights he ends up in our bed just so we can get some rest but he then is latched to me for hours. We don’t have much of a routine and his sleep is all over the place, some days he refuses his naps outright. He will be starting at a childminder at the end of June and I’m so stressed that he won’t sleep there because of the habits we’re in and his complete lack of schedule.
I’m also finding weaning so monotonous and most days he doesn’t eat half of what I offer and it ends up on the floor. I hate cooking and also really struggle with the mess of it, some days I just don’t know why I bother. I can’t see how food will be his main source of nutrition by a year based on how things are going. I do think weaning would be better if we had more of a schedule to the day as sometimes I think he’s not hungry enough or he’s too tired to be interested.
He has about 8 teeth but absolutely despises having them cleaned to the point sometimes I can’t. When I do try he just screams and cries and clamps his mouth closed or on the toothbrush. I’m really worried that his teeth will start to suffer because I literally can’t brush them.
Developmentally he’s doing well, he’s crawling lots and clapping and saying sounds like dada and mama, he’s also cruising the furniture lots and climbing the stairs. I do enjoy playing with him but some days I feel guilty for not playing with him enough because I’m so preoccupied with getting things done in the house. Because he will only contact nap, I have no time to myself to get any housework done without him.
I see so many mums online who look like they’ve just got it all figured out and I guess I’m just feeling a bit inadequate and far behind. Is anyone else feeling the same way? Sending love if you are 🥰
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Just want to say I have no idea what I’m doing & totally wing it every day 🤣 I put random food for him, never really a ‘meal’ more just bits and pieces. Breakfast I find the easiest. Yoghurt banana crumpets eggs avocado tomatoes smoked salmon toast etc. loves all fruit. Water in sippy cup. I play with him a lot but he is good at playing on his own in his play pen. Feel like I could also do more but thinking what to do for hours a day is difficult. Go out for walks, to the shops, baby classes.
One thing I was very strict on and wanted to do was a routine so I did it from 4 weeks old. He sleeps for 2-2.5 hours 12.30-3.30 ish a day and sleeps 7.30-7.30(ish) a night. I was adamant we were all going to sleep and have a routine so I could plan my days etc. so I would really recommend getting them in to a routine so you all know what you’re doing each day then hopefully you’ll feel more in control too and less lost like it sounds. I used a routine I bought from the sleep chief on Instagram x
Been a Mam for 13 years, youngest is 11 months. Still absolutely winging it! Nobody has got it all figured out and if they say they do, they are lying! Parenting is bloody hard! The fact you’re worried that you’re not a good enough mam means you are trying and you definitely are. Keep going ❤️
We're still feeding through the night too! LO is an awful sleeper at night and naps exclusively in the pram only when its moving. BUT nursery have nailed sleeping! Idk what they do but she naps for 2 hours there and doesn't do that at home. Your baby will adapt to what the other babies are doing as they get fomo!
I definitely recommend trying to get in some kind of routine, maybe start with waking him up at the same time and going to bed at the same time, and if you want, do milk and meals at roughly the same time. When he is with the childminder you will find he will probably be in some kind of routine more then. A few nurseries and childminders have said to me that parents don't think they can get their child to sleep but they do with them and how shocked the parents are! I do worry about this also as I'm sure nights are worse when she's overtired.
With the brushing teeth, you could try starting with brushing your teeth in front of him and give his toothbrush to hold and see if he puts it in his mouth let him get used to that and the feeling of it. I do this and then I try to brush her teeth a bit. I feel guilty when I do bits in the house too but independent play for them is good and important!
I was worried about my little one going to the childminder because at that point she was still contact napping! But she managed to sleep the first day for a couple of half an hour naps. She then got home and was obviously tired, had a bit to eat, a bath and for the first time she went to bed on her own without waking up quickly afterwards. That was the first time we had an hour to ourselves before bed and we said we should have started her to the childminder sooner haha Don’t worry, they adapt. I’m sure yours will be the same and try not to put so much pressure on yourself. I’ve stopped trying so hard to brush my little one’s teeth and file her nails when she gets upset now. I used to try to power through and get it done but I’ve decided to just stop and try again later. You’re doing brilliantly. From one barnacle baby mama to another.
I have to say I really recommend the CATCHY tray from Amazon. Saved my sanity ! Also baba will catch on in time hang in there mama and don’t stop trying ❤️
I don’t have practical advice as such but I just wanted to say I think everyone is absolutely winging it, I know I am every single day! My little girl is still only eating small amounts here and there so don’t be fooled by what you see online, people only usually post the best bits 🩷 it sounds likes he’s thriving so don’t be too harsh on yourself xx
Thank you so much everyone, really appreciate all your replies and advice. Think I’ve just not been having the greatest week and am being extra hard on myself (the sleep deprivation really doesn’t help!)
We’re persevering with the weaning and he actually had quite a good day of food yesterday so hopefully things are starting to look up 🤞🏻
I’m really hoping the childminder has the magic tough when it comes to nap time - I tried some daytime naps in the cot yesterday and it ended with us both in tears. We’ll try again today though and every day after and really hope that something will click soon.
Sending love 💕
Just to say you are doing amazingly and please try not to be so hard on yourself! (I know it's much easier said than done!) We're still contact napping, no routine, flat is a mess and night time sleep is usually cosleeping with staying latched for hours on end so we're in the same boat and I really feel everything you're saying. What really helped me is to just stay being baby led day by day and know that my baby (and I) will naturally adapt when he starts nursery and that we don't have to prepare for it as such. That really took the pressure of in terms of contact naps and routine. For housework, it's always a mess but I've just started including him in as much stuff as possible which he just sees as more play and means I can get stuff done (albeit slowly). For laundry he loves sitting in the basket while I fold clothes or handing me/throwing clothes out the basket while I hang them up. For cooking, I let him play with a whisk/spoon/spatula and bang on some pans etc which he finds hilarious...
...honestly think he loves that stuff better than his actual toys! For feeding mess, I've found the bibado bibs to be a lifesaver and have meant that I don't need to change his outfits every time and when he starts throwing I've found that putting me hand out helps as it veryyyy slowly is teaching him that if he doesn't want it to put it back in my head instead of throwing. These ideas might not work for you as everyone's different but just thought I'd share what helped me in its useful for you! Whatever happens, just know that your baby is having the best day just being loved by you and if going with the flow works for you then don't feel bad for not copying some fixed set of rules by someone on insta/tik tok which just adds more pressure. Sending you lots of love! ❤️ (all written while my baby is sleeping on me, still latched even though he fell asleep 20mins ago but I know he'll scream if I unlatch him and just don't have the energy today haha) xx
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