Okay so would I be wrong to do this?

I don't think it should be a surprise,personally. Do you think he'd welcome that kind of surprise?

Why don't you just have a small one? Ours was only 200 because we had it a registry office and had a curry after. Small service with family. If getting married means so much then it shouldn't matter how. Big weddings are overrated xx

Don’t think you’d be an asshole but it does seem a bit odd. I definitely wouldn’t make it a surprise

Would not have it be a surprise personally but I don’t think you’d be an AH

It’s not expensive to sign the papers at the courthouse. I get you want to have a wedding but if it’s not practical, don’t put yourself in financial hardship over it. It can still be done is my point and then you can change the names together.

And no one here is understanding its not about a wedding. Its about health insurance. If we got married we wouldnt be able to afford insurance. It would quadruple. We wouldnt be able to afford to live.

What about you discuss with him beforehand and see his stance on the matter. Then if he’s on board with it you can surprise him

Maybe not as a surprise but I understand wanting to change your name!

Oh I took your original post as your current medical costs are too high that there’s no room in budget for a wedding. But you’re saying you can’t get married because it’s too expensive to add you and kids onto his insurance.

I definitely understand not being able to get married because of things like insurance and disability. Do y'all's children already have his last name? Because I'm pretty sure you would need his consent to change their name. You're entirely free to change your own name to his, but again, I think it's weird to make this a surprise

I wouldn’t say you’re an AH but, I wouldn’t change you or your children’s name. Just in case, and I don’t know you or your partner, he is using Health insurance to deflect a different reason he doesn’t want to get married. I have heard of guys proposing to get their significant other top “shut up” with no intent of actually marrying her.

I accidentally voted wrong but anyway, definitely talk to him about it first

If you talk to him and he’s okay with it then I think it would be fine

I think just tell him that’s what you want to do and go for it, I see no problem in you guys having the same family name as you are a family, marriage or not 😊

I changed my name by deed poll when I was with my ex (to match our kids) we did discuss it first though, I wouldn't have just done it without speaking to him

I’m not sure I understand, my husband and I have never shared health insurance and my health insurance plan never changed after getting married.

@Kelsea I’m guessing she is a SAHM and currently getting federal health insurance, once someone gets married they can be disqualified depending on income

you can do what you want it will be changed either way but you won’t get the benefits of actual marriage. i understand because probably his income? are you currently on any assistance? like do you get free healthcare for the kids right now?

What about....have a celebration when you change your name to his. This would be your wedding it just wouldn't be official with documents but at least you changed your last name. That way it doesn't affect your health insurance.

I personally wouldn’t change my last name with the Save Act most likely being passed… too risky if you are in the states

If he gets mad at that than he's an ass hole, this is about you wanting to have the same name as your children that's totally valid. If he has a problem with it then change your children's last names to yours

I would have a little unofficial micro wedding as like a spiritual marriage so no papers, and then change the names

Don’t do it. A real man gone make a way to pay for the insurance either way. Sounds like he just don’t want to be married and trying to use that as an excuse bc he know the children is your soft spot.