AM I WRONG OR..

Long story short, I am not a fan of my partners mum. Like at ALL! Before I was pregnant I’ve seen her only a handful of times because my partner and her had a strained relationship but that’s another story in itself. After my son was born, she became extremely entitled. Demanding her son to bring our baby who was a premie by the way to her house a few days after getting out of the hospital. I wish looking back I stood my ground and said no because now I feel like I’ve enabled the entitlement. She was told not to kiss my baby, she did it anyway in front of me and so did her kids AFTER they had just recovered from a cold. She would point blank ignore me at her house, not even say hello when I walk through the floor and then judge the way I’d care for my child e.g. if I’d change his nappy she’d tell me there’s no need to if he hasn’t pooped. My partner is now no longer on the scene due to personal reasons out of his control so I’m left to navigate this “relationship” with her. I lost my house so I’d have to drop my son to her while I packed on my own due to the heating not working and that was for a week. I gave her clear and simple instructions. Do not let him sleep on his front - it’s not safe and he has smaller airways due to being born early to which she agreed. 3 times, she didn’t follow this and I pulled her up every time. Fast forward, she never wants me at her house and will hurry me out the door when I used to drop my son off once a week which I now regret and wish I never did because again, me wanting to keep the peace with her and especially my partner during this difficult time has now again enabled her entitlement and made me uncomfortable. One day a 2 months ago I received a picture of my son sleeping on his front from one of her kids. Let’s say, this was the straw that broke the camels back. I LOST my shit. I was so angry and hurt that once again she’d put my son at risk of SIDS! Baring in mind she has 5 kids! We had words and I expressed how he will not be going to her house unsupervised again as she isn’t following simple instructions put in place to keep my son safe and let’s just say after that she came for my character basically telling me what a horrible person I am when I’ve been nothing but reasonable. Anyways, my son barely goes there and that’s her problem. Wish I cared a bit more but I don’t. Why should I when she didn’t care about my feelings? Yesterday she asked if she could have my son on Easter Sunday. My mums been trying to keep the peace between us and has encouraged me to drop him off for a few hours but I don’t want to. 1. She always wants to do events separately like she’s the other parent and that’s one thing me and my partner have agreed on. No separate events whether it’s birthdays, school plays, etc. I grew up like that and hated it and I don’t want my son to grow up thinking it’s normal. We’re adults. No matter what the kids should come first and we can all be cordial for a few hours together. My mum and partner aren’t on the best terms but she’s never excluded him or made him feel unwelcome with our son. But his mum always wants to do his first experiences without me for example trying to take him to the aquarium when she knew I was due to take him. It always feels like she’s sneakily trying to get one up on me. 2. I just don’t trust her and the people she has coming over I’ve met them once. I don’t know if they’ll try to kiss my child behind my back or post him on social media. 3. After we had words and my partner tried to mediate the situation she agreed that she wanted a healthy relationship with me and hasn’t really made any effort asides from asking how we are then when we reply she puts a thumbs up. So to me, you are excluding me and not inviting me to my son’s first Easter. To me that’s like me not inviting her to his first birthday or a significant event in his life which I’d never do. Also I think it’s cause she’s embarrassed about my partners situation and doesn’t want me around to answer any questions as to why he’s not there but to me, if I saw a small baby being dropped off without both parents on a holiday I’d find that kinda off and weird. I’d like to also highlight before I was pregnant I had no issues with her. When I’d see her she was fine, no problems. I think I even liked her. But since my son was born she’s extremely entitled, she tries to pressure me to saying yes to having him over night, she doesn’t follow multiple instructions given, she talks badly about me and then tries to use the mental health card and manipulate me by saying she’s depressed if she doesn’t see my kid. So am I wrong if I tell her he won’t be coming for Easter?

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You are most definitely not in the wrong, I know it is your child’s grandmother but at the end of the day if she is putting them in danger (sleeping on front) etc then you have every right not to. You do not have to accommodate to make other people happy, you and your son is the most important people and you look after you both. If she wants to see him you have every right to be there, he’s your son. If you wanted them to have a relationship maybe try it around others first, you said your Mum is trying to keep the peace, what about all of you going out for lunch? X

No. You are the mother, he’s your baby. You can do what you see is appropriate for the best for your son. Your partner’s mother is down right disrespectful and has no understanding. I wouldn’t put up with that kind of behaviour around my child. Curiously, I find it odd that your partner doesn’t speak up - you say he has a strained relationship with his own mother (for whatever reason), so why is he letting her have your son? I know I don’t have the full picture, but it rings alarm bells about his mother. Hope your situation gets better x

You set the boundary, keep it. You told her she won't get unsupervised visits, so make it clear you will go with baby or not at all. That you were clear that she will not get unsupervised visits. That's it.

I note you’re no longer with your partner? I’d say based on this you’re at a good juncture to pull yourself away anyway. I appreciate the need to keep a family bond of sorts but I wouldn’t feel guilty for saying no to Easter. I think it’s a good time to start cutting ties with a woman you don’t really need to keep a tie for xx

@Kathryn me and my partner are still together he’s just not physically around as he’s got some personal things going on at the moment health wise but I think where he hears my side then her side when she manipulates it he doesn’t like the confrontation between me and his mum - but thank you I agree it’s time to distance myself and cut ties x

@Elaine sorry I know it’s a lot to understand it’s just way too much to type so I kind of shortened the story down. But he has tried talking to her but I’ve never been present for a conversation. I don’t think he likes the confrontation with her and this probably stems from some of the stuff he’s told me about his childhood. But to me, it’s getting to the point where your families toxicity is ruining the family we’ve worked so hard to create. It just annoys me because I know if it was the other way round I’d be nipping it in the bud with my mum but his mum always finds new ways to get away with stuff and look innocent x

@Isabelle very true I agree. I think for me I grew up with such a broken family I’m trying to somewhat shield my son from that kind of life but if anything she’s making it worse and the feeling of discomfort I have is unreal. I’ll happily leave my son with my mum all day and no problems she’s amazing. But her I can’t help but worry. I’ve definitely tried before to build that bond with her but she doesn’t make the effort so I’ve taken a step back. If I’m being honest, I’d rather not be around her at all because she’s so defensive and deflective and doesn’t take accountability. Maybe one day, but for now she’s ruining the little bit of mat leave I’ve got left x

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