Is anyone else's baby being a right wanker or just mine?

I think all babies at this age do all of the above. I think you’re maybe applying adult logic to a baby and that’s just not how they see the world. It’s good to set boundaries and say “no” and then distract them or move them away from the object of focus. Examples of baby logic: Books - nice to chew and let’s see how far that page will open (aka bend it backwards) Pulling hair out - mummy’s reaction is funny so I’ll do it again Biting you - same as above (my son tries to bite me all the time and laughs and I tell him “no” but he’s not listening at the moment) Pulling glasses - shiny things I want to grab quickly before mummy stops me and if she reacts it’s a fun game to me Spitting - I think spitting literally is an advanced skill for this age so I’m guessing you mean blowing raspberries. Again it’s the fun of the reaction and practicing a new skill. My son sometimes likes to blow raspberries while eating and spit his food all over me. Same for everything else you listed…

I’d check the waking since feeding and cuddling does nothing as there could be health issues like reflux you want to check out.

Is this rage bait?? If not this is awful of you. Your poor baby is 10/11 months old. They have absolutely no understanding of what they're doing and you have to teach them with kindness and patience. "I'm trying to be nice" and then go on to say you've left her to cry, taken away her books and "lost access" to you. So essentially you're punishing your baby already, this is beyond sad! You have to TEACH your baby kind hands, they aren't aware of how much they can hurt you yet. My baby also screams during nappy changes and he's almost impossible to change however I try and give him distractions, play his music, give him a snack or anything to try and help and if not then I just sing to myself to get through it! Teeth brushing- wrap her in a towel and lay her across your lap so she can't grab your hands. As for spitting water, all kids do it at this age. I understand being overstimulated, sleep deprived, annoyed but you can't deny her your love😥

She's got no signs of being ill at all, no spitting up or excess farting or problems with her poo, and when she's with other people her behaviour magically stops and she turns into this sweet little angel who loves reading and playing with toys and cuddling and barely even cries. The spitting is sometimes raspberries but other times she can get a jet of water straight at me somehow. Every time she's horrible to me I used to plonk her on the floor but it did nothing so now I yelp which scares her yet she still does it. Everyone else's hair and glasses are safe

I've left the room because I'm sick of her screaming at me and she's sat down happily playing with her toys so it's clearly some beef she has with me

@Katie Exactly how am I denying her love? Multiple times a day I demonstrate my gentle hands and show her how to do them herself and I repeat "gentle hands" just like I have for months. 90% of the time that will result in a chunk of hair being ripped out or my glasses snatched off. I'm taking away access to things because she clearly isn't in the right level of understanding to be with them, just like how I don't let her near near bins and dog bowls. I don't just let her do stuff, I try every single fucking thing I can think of. I even have special toys just for nappy changes and stuff but she doesn't want them or singing or anything. It's a constant fight that makes nappy changes take 10 minutes. Do you suggest I stay in the room and let her hurt me until I reach my breaking point or is it better for me to leave the room?

First off, take a deep breath. Parenting is HARD. Unfortunately this all sounds quite normal developmentally, and I'm sorry to say it probably won't stop any time soon. Are you her primary care-giver? The reason I ask is, reason she's worse with you than other people is most likely because you're her safe space. She's getting to the age where she's testing boundaries and she probably feels you're the safest person she can do that with. That's a good thing! But also hugely draining for you. My daughter is the same, the amount of times a day I have to say/demonstrate "no" and "gentle hands" is ridiculous and sometimes it feels like it's not making any difference and she's not learning, but I have to remember that it is. It will. Keep calm, fair and consistent and it WILL have an impact. I know it's incredibly difficult to not take things personally but please try not to, she doesn't "have beef" with you - although I feel like that about my daughter too sometimes 🥲😂 be kind to yourself 💜

@Lauren It's just me except I have my husband from 12-5 and sometimes my mum from 4ish until bedtime so I have 5 hours in the morning and 12 hours overnight where it's just me vs her. I don't have friends, I can't go out, it's just me. A few minutes ago she fell over or something in her pen so I went in and comforted her and she was hitting and pulling hair and fighting trying to get off of me so I put her in her pen and shes screaming again still she has the same routine each day too and I always stop her from doing shit but she's relentless. It really is hard

Lots of these things are normal for babies this age and all babies are different from each other and with different people. Many people have a pen for babies to play in to make baby proofing easier which sounds like you have so that’s good. Do things to eliminate preempt and stop it happening, my hair is often tied up in a bun so can’t be pulled, things his height are off the shelf. At meal times, serve food she can feed herself with and then spoon feed what you need too. For nappies, I find with my son this time it’s easier when I lay his head in my lap and put the nappy on or when he’s standing. Bed time I use PJs rather than sleepsuits because I can do it standing. For the actual sleep sack I put the popper on first, give him his milk so he’s drinking it while I move his legs in and zip up. This age is HARD but you need to remember she is just a baby and doesn’t mean these things. Please try get some support for yourself and don’t take it personally even though it feels it.

On a separate thought, have a look at her eating and sleeping routine. Has she come of formula / breastmilk yet? Does she need more food / milk? Is she getting enough sleep? If you take everything else away it’s sounds like she could need more snacks in between meals and overtired by bedtime.

@Hayley My hair is pulled back into a tight ponytail every day and then wrapped into a rubbish bun so there's nothing loose but she grabs so much and so hard that she pulls it out from the sides, I've even tried shower caps and hair towels with no success. Meal times almost always have finger foods plus a bowl of food that I control of but she's so violent with it that she sometimes splits her own lip. She's just thrown some rice cracker at me and then screamed at me even though I never return something she's thrown. Nappies are a bit more difficult because I use reusables so they have to be put on a certain way and all the edges tucked in. Sometimes I have to have my feet on her arms to stop her flinging around because it's the only way I can get it on her. Half of dressing is done upright though and she screams and bites throughout. I breastfeed so I can't give milk while doing stuff. I've got PCMHS involved and a nursery nurse helping me but I see them maybe once a month if I'm lucky

@Hayley Health visitor has helped with our routine and she gets fed until she stops eating, has milk between meals and gets 13 hours of sleep a day

She’s not a wanker, she’s a baby. Being a mum is hard but all of this is normal.

I just can't 🙈 I'm hoping this is just poor wording and that you don't actually feel this way or "punish" "yell" at your baby ...all of this is normal ..my little boy sometimes pulls hair and glasses and spits his water out and has paddy's ect ...into everything he shouldnt be it is all normal and I promise you they are not trying to upset your or.misbehave in anyway ....and taking books off of them for just exploring my little boy loves just playing books /bending them ect....infact I purposely give him a book every nappy change because its the only thing that will keep him still right now....I hope im over exaggerating or reading too.much into it but I think you may benifit from looking into some help and support personally for you for the way that you feel maybe. I don't believe it's healthy to have "try" and be nice to your baby and I mean from a genuinely concerned place please ask for help.

@Tuesday I don't yell at her?? I yelp because it fucking hurts and I can't hold it back like I used to. I can't exactly stay silent when she's ripping out multiple hairs or biting hard enough to bruise me. I allowed her back to the books after she'd sorted her shit out and she was able to sit there and go through it and touch it because she was in the right mood for it whereas earlier she was just being destructive. I have asked for help but like I said, help comes about once a month if I'm lucky

Ah right I'm sorry I misread I thought you said yell..howether I still stand by seeking more help I'm 100 percent sure if you ring the healthvisiting team and explain that your really not coping and you have these sort of angry or frustrated feelings towards your daughter then they will do there upmost to provide you with more support surely ....it also 9 times out of 10 takes me forever to change my little boys nappy because he will not stay still for 1 second and I get it can be frustrating expecially at the end of the day when it's the 10th time of having to struggle with them...I get that ...but restraining her with your feet ? I personally wouldn't do that and your her mum but maybe don't restrain her 🤷‍♀️ sometimes it helps for me to just try and do it when he's stood up playing on his activity centre (I'm not sure if your little girl is standing or pulling up yet) there's always a way ...I don't want to sound condescending but I get that I might 🙈😅 ..

Just please call the healthvisiting team when they are open and stress that you need extra support .....also try to know that your little girl loves you and she really doesn't know what she's doing is upsetting you ...its all normal ....your her mum...her safe space and ye sometimes that means we have to deal with all the tantrums ect but it gets better xx

@Tuesday She's crawling and standing and traversing now. I don't hold her down all the time, I do it as a last resort when she's flipping around with a shitty arse. Health visitor and all that are fully aware

Well I hope this post has shown you that yes most of our babies are very similar in their behaviour! You’re not alone with what you’re dealing with. But if you do feel like giving up and giving her away it sounds like you need a tonne more support than what you’re getting in terms of your mental health. Please try and push for more support wherever you can, GP, health visitor, helplines etc

Everything you listed, is normal baby behaviour! They have to explore, see how things work and why. Babies do bend things, throw things, grab things and sometimes don’t even know what it is they want themselves! 5 wake ups is absolutely fine, some babies do more… You have a very negative mindset when it comes to your baby and are completely disregarded the fact that you’re taking about an actual baby! They don’t understand and certainly aren’t being a “wanker” on purpose. You NEED to open your eyes and appreciate how incredibly lucky you are, it’s great your baby wants to explore and be so interested in things! You need support and a whole new approach to this. My 12 month old does all of the things you’ve listed by the way, I’ve not once taken it personally. He is purely just being a baby…

Attend classes with babies a similar age, get outside and let them pull the grass and splash in puddles. Give them paper to rip, a doll with hair to pull, cheap sunglasses to play with, a small bin to have an absolute party with, pass her the toothbrush to chew on. Amazing your baby wants food faster! Mine is super picky and turns away. It’s so sad that you’re not making the most of this super fun age, sit back, breathe and embrace the chaos!

This is age is really difficult but please try not punish the baby by removing access to these things because they literally do not understand and won’t understand for at least a few more months. Your baby is in the explorative stage where they just want to chew and bite and grab everything and Anything, ESPECIALLY things that they are Not Allowed to touch. I highly recommend trying to get in touch with a local nursery or childminder as it’s really overstimulating being a mother especially if you don’t have much support. We use nursery Once a week for our son and it’s honestly made me a kinder nicer mum to him, just having that one day to fix the house and do something for myself really makes the difference

Also you are not alone in feeling these frustrations I think most if not all mothers feel angry and frustrated similar if not the same around our little ones sometimes . I know I did too before and I ended up rage screaming at my husband until we started nursery for one day a week. It’s so hard and realistically we don’t all have some massive village to get support from to help with the baby

3rd baby here. They generally are arseholes at this age, don’t know why.. it’s happened with all 3! But it is just a phase promise you! 😘 The screaming fits. Throwing things. Scratching me. Grabbing chunks of my skin. Flinging self backwards when told no or to be gentle etc. it’s exhausting. You’re not alone and it’s normal to feel like throwing the towel in. My son woke me up this morning by literally just screeching til I got him a bottle. He was bright red. He’s so bloody impatient and the attitude is unreal. Best of luck, but you will get through it, promise xx

@Sophie Unfortunately I'm disabled so going to baby classes is impossible and going outside is also fairly rare. She has everything she could want, always climbing and pulling stuff out of buckets and tipping things out, I leave clothes on a box for her to pull down, she has all different sensory items and she's fine until I'm near her. This morning I had her in the bed with me and she actually picked up my phone and hit me with it. Then the hair ripping and pinching started but as soon as daddy took her she was all smiles and giggles and a genuinely lovely baby, even had her teeth brushed with no screaming. For half an hour she was downstairs with daddy being happy and smiley, I've come down and now she's crying and whinging non stop. I don't even know how I'm supposed to enjoy this when she's obviously so much happier without me

It’s not that she’s happier without you, it’s that kids usually display their worst behaviours with those they feel most comfortable with. Take it as a compliment even though it doesn’t feel like it xx

It definitely sucks but like I've said previously, you're her safe space to figure out boundaries. As difficult and draining as it is, we're our baby's role model for how to regulate their emotions and how to behave, what's right and what's wrong. They don't come out knowing what to do, we have to tell and, more importantly, show them. Unfortunately a lot of the time our little people learn what the right thing is, by doing the wrong thing first. You absolutely need (and deserve) much more support than it sounds like you're getting. Is your husband helping you get support? If you're struggling to reach out or arrange further support then he needs to be helping you, advocating for you. You can't do this all on your own and if you continue like this you're going to fully hit a wall and burn out completely, that's not fair on you or your daughter.

Ok I know you posted incog for a reason and you don't know me from Adam..but if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to for support or anything really please feel free to message me ...there's is 100 percent no judgment...I have 3 children I get that parenting is the most difficult thing ever ....I just was up worried about you last night (I'm an overbearing overcarer or so my friends say ) 🙈....I don't know where your based but I will also help you access support as much as I can.

I am actually shocked that parent can say that their 10 month old “ she clearly has some beef with me”. She is a CHILD and you are a parent that needs some growing up. I suggest you contact your local children team and seek some parenting advice/courses. I am hoping that whoever posted, just have difficulty with wordings things and this is not meant the way it comes across.

@Zane I'm trying my hardest, thanks though for making me feel shit. Not like everyone else in my life has told me I'll be a shit parent

@Zane would it have been so difficult to just, scroll past this post? Incog is clearly struggling right now, they don't need to "grow up" they need HELP. They need support. What they DON'T need is judgement and shitty comments. Peanut is supposed to be a platform of support, to spread positivity, take your negativity elsewhere 👋🏻

@Lauren I clearly advised to contact childrens team that could provide support and advice aka help.

@Zane yes, after putting them down. Several of us have also suggested the same thing, your comment was unnecessary honestly Don't act like you were trying to help when a comment like that could easily be the last straw for someone who is struggling

@Zane Everyone has asked questions, I've gone into further detail and I've been told by everyone who to contact. Then you appear and tell me to grow up like I'm just a child having a little tantrum. Every day I feel like offing myself so I don't have to wake up and deal with this again but it's all fine. I just need to grow up

Just remember it's not forever. You will get through this. Unfortunately it's all development and learning. They don't know they are hurting you and a bit young to comprehend they hurt you. Perhaps try some mitts that attach via string or on the vests when your feeling like the grabbing etc is getting a bit much. Totally understand how you feel, I find myself a bit overwhelmed at times with it all

@Adele idek how but mitts come straight off. She's so dexterous and good at problem solving 😫 The sewn in ones on onesies kind of work but she can get out of those too. I was actually having a really nice time with her earlier having cuddles and playing and singing but then she smacked me in the face with a stupid amount of force started ripping hair out again. The level of overwhelm is awful. I'd rather go back to working 3 weeks straight than deal with this

Awe bless you sounds like you could do with a break to recoup. My boy is the same with my hair even if I put it up he finds the bit of hair that's escaped. I'm surprised Ive not got bold patches. My 2 year old was the same, can't remember when it stopped... But the important thing is it will stop. you can get through it, might seem like you can't at times but you will. I see you said your disabled so struggle to go out but if it's possible just sitting in the garden with baby In pram may help keep her happy without needing to be on you constantly. I also found for nappy changes giving my boy the pack of wet wipes to keep his hands busy and mind occupied as he's just started trying to grab his poo 🙄 he does pull the wipes out sometimes but rather him be cover with wet wipes then poo 😆

@Adele I keep an empty pack specifically for her that she can be happy with but she bores of things so quickly, I know the attention span is low but she can play with things she wants for like 20 minutes straight. She gets in such a state she can't do anything to be distracted. I definitely need a break, I think I've been away from her for less than 12 hours in like 11 months. I've not got bald patches yet but I've got thinner patches 😫

If working is an option maybe it will be good for you? I personally have enjoyed being back at work 4 days a week and it’s beneficial for me and my children as we get a break from each other and they get different experiences through the week. If you’re UK you may be entitled to 15 hours now too.

@Hayley Unfortunately I can't leave the house and there's no work from home jobs that will allow me home full time and not go in for interview/meeting etc. I had a work coach for a while that's helped me through retraining and doing some courses and stuff but she's agreed there's no point trying to get back into work until I'm properly able. I'd kill to go back to work and nearly triple my current income 😭