I think I need a better village

I recently became a single mum, me and my kids dad broke up in december and he moved out in february. I love my friends to pieces and they do all come and help from time to time. But ever since he moved out my kids dad hasn’t found a place that can accommodate the poor little boy. (he’s moved back in with his mum and i don’t feel comfortable with my son going to a house that’s over an hour away where he can’t be driven home in an emergency cause neither him or his mum can drive) I just feel like i never get a break. My friends come round and from time to time they do help (my best friend is INCREDIBLE) but sometimes they come into my house and they just, watch me do EVERYTHING. They know i don’t get breaks, they know I am exhausted. And yet there is rarely an offer of “do you want me to change his nappy” or “do you want me to feed him his lunch so you can sit?” Now I know, I shouldn’t complain, it’s my job as his mum to do these things for him so I don’t really have a huge right to be upset. But i don’t know, it just bothers me because they’ll get upset or mad when i cancel plans or say no to certain things because I want my time alone, which is never truly alone anyway because it’s when the little one naps. I love my friends to pieces and I am grateful for the things that they do for me, but I don’t think they truly understand that I am going to be doing this alone for the next 17 years. And that having them come round and let me sit and do nothing would be a blessing. But most of the time they come round and they sit and do nothing while i do everything

Show your support

Maybe they want to offer but don't want you to feel like they think your incapable. Maybe you should ask them when they are there do you mind feeding him while I just have 5 minutes with a cuppa. What about your family do you have any parents or siblings that could help.

Felt

They won’t know if you don’t ask. You can’t just expect them to know and stuff. So I think asking is better. I ask my friend if I need help and she will definitely be down to help me

@Ife the thing is i do ask for help, and sometimes i just get made to feel like a burden when I do. It’s difficult because I don’t want to be a burden to them but it’s been so difficult doing it all alone

I understand you perfectly 🥹😩 Are your fam in the country?

@Ife they are but i don’t speak to them really, they’ve always been very judgemental of me and so I don’t really want to get them involved too much (they’re also just not nice people in general)

I don’t understand why your child can’t go to his grandma’s and be with his dad?

@Ema my parents aren’t good people. So my son doesn’t really have grandparents. His dad lives over an hour away, can’t drive, stopped going to work, and doesn’t ever bother making plans or even asking about his son 90% of the time. Unfortunately for me it’s not as simple as my son just goes to his dad or his grandparents because they aren’t good options

I’m sorry to hear that. Have you tried communicating with your friends about needing help from them? Also make speak to his dad to see if he will take him for a night. I understand, he should be the one making the effort to see his son however, happy mum, happy child and if this is what you need to reset then I would give it a go.

I wouldn’t necessarily see him not having a car as an issue. Only because in an emergency they would go to hospital and not to your house. They would be able to get an ambulance or even a taxi. As You’de have to drop kiddo there I would just spend the day in that area and then drive home with kiddo after. Then if nights starts you do what ur comfortable doing. But you shouldn’t let a 1hr drive stop kiddo seeing the other half of there family xx

If you've already talked to your friends about offering to help out and they haven't responded positively, I would just leave it and not expect anything. Try to just enjoy their company regardless and reach out and expand your circle. Make other mum friends, who understand what you're going through. I know it's hard to do it alone ❤️❤️

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