How do I tell my mum to leave ?

My son is 3 weeks old, this is my first & the first time my mum has become a grandmother. She is popping round every day sometimes for hours on end ‘helping’ . I appreciate the support & during the first I asked for it but I’m back on my feet & want my own space to just be a mum & get used to my life now. When she comes round she don’t like my boyfriend (baby’s dad) for starters so barely talks to him & he don’t say it but he feels really awkward around her. She keeps commenting on every aspect of my life, keeps telling me to do certain things to look after my son & asks 10 million dumb questions like ‘what’s new’ when it’s literally been a few hours since I’ve seen her. She’s also trying to do house jobs but jobs that I really don’t care about & actually creating more work but not doing it in the way I would want it done.
I just want to tell her to fuck off & leave me alone. I’ve hinted plenty of times that I am perfectly fine & happy on my own & told her we don’t need the help with housework. My boyfriend has gone away this weekend & she’s decided to practically move in, I’ve just snapped & told to leave that I am not her entertainment. She’s crossing my boundaries & really pissed me off & ruined my mood today & yesterday.
She said she’ll be back Tuesday but I really just don’t want to see her. I know she’s excited & happy but she’s sucking it out of me how do I tell her to leave me alone without upsetting her ?

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I think you should be honest with her and explain how you feel as a first time mom and that you wanna enjoy your bubble now with your newborn son. Especially as you want your space back as soon as possible. She will understand you even if not straight away! I cannot tell you how quickly times goes by so if I were you I would have that convo asap. Good luck and congratulations to your son x

Be direct and honest with your boundaries with her - the sooner you speak up the better , taking into account her feelings:

‘I appreciate you want to support me and baby and I understand the excitement as this is your first grandson but I’m beginning to feel overwhelmed by your daily visits and we just need some time to just be “us 3” as a family. I need to make mistakes, find my own rhythm and get to know my son and I can’t do this comfortably when you’re visiting daily. Can we agree to reduce how often you are coming round and discuss what help I do need when you are here?

I just know she’ll be upset & start crying & feel left out & lonely. My mums not always the most emotionally stable & really struggles with her own moods & loneliness.

Dang. You really hate your mum huh ?? Without knowing exactly why I'd suggest just let her know that you need to organise times for visits moving forward. And talk about the fact that you are now also a mum and your thoughts and decisions need to be respected in your home. All the best.

If you want to say it less directly I’d probably text her and say “hey we’re going to spend some time just the 3 of us for a bit, would you like to come over on _____?”

I would be honest but kind. Be thankful, and draw your line.
"Look mum, I'm so incredibly grateful for everything you've done the last few weeks. It's been a massive change for us and you've helped us out. But we're now ready to start working things out on our own. If we need anything we will let you know" and then, why not suggest something else? Like meeting out somewhere, your you visiting hers, so you can leave and go home when you're ready? "I know you said you'll come over Tuesday, but how about we meet out for lunch? I've got to start getting out and about and it'll help me to have somewhere to go and someone to meet"
Then when out for lunch, you can always talk more about your boundaries etc, on neutral ground.

Lock your door? Pretend you aren’t home or sleeping or leave for the day

You need to put your feelings and what’s best for you and baby first, she had her time with her babies and this is yours. I’d just straight up say thank you but no, if I need something I’ll ask for it but this is too much. And if she doesn’t like that, that’s her problem

Tell her you appreciate the help and that now you need time on your own. If she gets pissed that's on her.

Your mum is just trying to be supportive bless her, you can just be kind and honest with her.

This is hard one because many people usually appreciate the help later on esp if going back to work. So if you are going to say something be really kind and appreciative so it doesn’t strain your relationship.

@Jay that’s what I was thinking… I would love to have my mum around all the time to help me.

@Queenh I feel the same way but the OP did say that her mum is making her partner feel awkward in his own home because she doesn’t like him and won’t speak to him. That for me would be a no so I completely see where she’s coming from. It’s his time to new enjoy his new baby too and for them to be together as a family.

I would just go out at the times she’s supposed to come and say you’re going to a baby group or meeting a friend (or do that for real lol) and say you don’t know what time you’re coming home, that you’re starting to take the baby out, having a social life etc what can she do if she comes and you’re not home? She has to go home 😂 everyone that comes over to mine I make sure to msg me to make sure I’m actually home because most times I’m actually out

You just need to set boundaries. Let her know you appreciate her wanting to help but you also need space to be a mom on your own. Some women would give anything to get this type of help, and later on you may even appreciate it more so don't blow up on her about it just set boundaries. If she gets upset then I would explain to her you don't like how awkward it is when she's there and she doesn't like your boyfriend. Is there a reason she doesn't like him?

@Queenh he is the dad. I get she’s trying to be supportive but in reality she’s doing the opposite. I love my mum dearly but she’s treating me like a child & trying to be involved or informed about every single minute of my life. It’s suffocating.

For example she asked if I the plants had been watered & I said no, she asked if my bf had done it I said no, she asked why my bf has not done it, proceeded to compare him to my late partner who was a clean freak/enjoyed gardening & then said he has similarities to my own dad (who is a wife beating lazy scumbag) & then proceeded to water the plants, forgot the main one that was wilting told me she forgot & didn’t actually go back & do it.
I just don’t need the comments & yes it is making me ungrateful & critical of what she is doing hence it’s easier for everyone if she just weren’t around trying to help.

I don’t really have advice but I’ve been having these issues as well! I made a post about it once and got so many comments saying “at least you have a mom” or that I should just be grateful and not complain…So it’s nice to see I’m not the only one completely overwhelmed by having company all the time. I like my alone time and having a baby has really changed that. We have family over almost every single weekend and it’s a lot sometimes!

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Leave a bad mom hack!

Kids annoying you? Give them tape! I did this all the time as a toddler teacher. Kids up my butt while I’m trying to change diapers? Have some tape! Mad because lunch is running late? Have some tape! Sad because someone took your toy? It’s ok you now have tape! Both my girls currently have tape 😂 painters tape works best because it will be stuck to the wall

Help

Me and my partner have been arguing because I feel he’s not giving me enough attention, he comes home every day and ignores me and sits on his phone. I’ve just gone to order food on his phone and seen this. I’m mad af, but like at the same time he you can clearly see my partner thought it was a bad idea. But I’m still mad at his dad for saying this, he was literally over this afternoon visiting his grandson laughing and smiling with me. I feel betrayed and disrespected

Do you make dinner from scratch everyday for your children?

**NOT JUDGING before anyone gets their knickers twisted**

Just a rant!!!

Why does my partner get so arsey over the fact that our EBF baby is very clingy to me and I’m not comfortable him taking her out without me incase she gets really worked up and wants me for comfort and I’m not there.
Makes me feel super bad for BF her (even tho he pushed for me to even try it).

broken trust

my fiancé completely broke my trust over the weekend. shattered it, as a matter of fact. enough to break things off? maybe not. but i don’t know how to forgive him. i don’t know how to move forward. he currently lives 1,000 miles away from me. what do i do?

Vent sesh

My maternity leave is ending in a little over a week and I’m scrambling to find care for my little guy.

My original plan was to send him to the child development center I work at once I return but due to the fact I had to go on bed rest almost 3 weeks before having the baby my leave started early and he still doesn’t have a spot yet. My job will not approve any LWOP, though I did financially prepare to take an additional month.

I’ve gathered care for M-Th in my home but have nothing for Fridays and all of the centers I am reaching out to don’t have infant space. We have a “village” so to speak but in this economy everyone is working full time jobs and both my husband and my family don’t live local so I don’t have an auntie or grandma to call.

I’m so overwhelmed, frustrated, and sad that this is all going on and I’m an emotional mess. I’m trying so hard to stay positive but damn it’s hard.

Just needed to get this off of my chest, thanks for reading.