Partner made me feel like a weakling.

I love my partner but since having 2 under 2 I’ve become a SAHM with his request which I don’t mind I love being with my babies and I’m thankful I can. He tells me every weekend he’s going to go to a shooting range with his dad for a couple hours then be home. 8 hours later I’m cooking dinner while juggling both babies he always says oh it was my dad taking forever on this or that but it’s every time so I don’t hold my breath anymore. I never feel like I can ask for some “me time” because he always has something in mind that he’s going to do on his days off. The other day I was so burnt out I was just out of it and so he got home from work and said he could take the babies for a while so I could decompress. GREAT. I was so thankful. I only spent 20 minutes watching a little show but felt brand new. Then I come out and he said “whenever you need time to yourself let me know. I don’t need any breaks so I will watch them when you ask” and now I’m like so I need down time but you don’t? Yet every day he is like “I need to go lay down my head hurts” “I’m going to the range” “I need to do this” etc. he made me feel like I was mentally weak when the most he spends with them solo is about 20 minutes twice a week when I cook dinner on his days off because my toddler starts crying and comes and finds me and stays in the kitchen. Or he will leave the baby with me while I cook dinner so I have to stop and feed her throughout.

Show your support

Why didn't you respond and say to him exactly what you said here?

Oh I did and he said he didn’t need to go out every weekend he just assumed I didn’t have any plans for the weekends so he figured it was okay to go out. I was asking him why he would say a couple hours then be gone all day but it kept happening so it became pointless

Lol um how about make plans with your partner and kids! SMH. Like wtf no plans? That's the only time you Have together as a family without being burnt out from work all week. It's his choice to leave and do something else.

I'm truly sorry he made you feel that way, even if it was unintentional. 😞 Honestly, based on what you're saying, it sounds like he's not trying to be a bad partner, it sounds like there's just a lack of open communication. He's making assumptions rather than asking you and you aren't consistently expressing your feelings and needs. I'd sit down and have a honest but loving and heartfelt talk. If he loves and appreciates you, he should be willing to hear you out. Maybe there can be a compromise like he still gets to do the activities he enjoys but he also makes sure you get breaks too.

So my partner was like this, very bullet proof- but reality was he only ever had our kids for the most of 2 hours. Never really experienced a "All day every day". I was so run down, but I felt I couldn't ask for a break without looking like I wasnt able to handle it. Reality is bub? You can not pour from a empty cup- we downloaded the app called Time TREE. Its a calender- joint. We would put in what days and what hours. The agreement never to argue about it- if its in the calender then we must honour it. Every week- I now get time to myself. I book spa sessions, walks, even just cleaning my car and in return he gets what he needs. However on a weekend of a spa break he had a reality check that looking after two toddlers wasnt easy and by the time I got back he was so DONE IN. He needed that. He needed to recognise that doing it every day- or even two days in a row without a break is exhausting and I believe he appreciates me more. Your partner isnt a part time babysitter. Hand the kids over.

I would start having time for myself. He goes out all the time, so why can’t you? Schedule yourself some me time and have him watch the kids. Hopefully he realizes how hard it can be

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌