in February 2025 Babies 🇬🇧

Mum is being very mean...

So I've always had a difficult relationship with my mum, she is a narcissist so it's really hard to have a real relationship with her, and by her own admittance she sort of said she only had me because she's Catholic and they don't believe in abortions (I'm the youngest of five) so she never wanted me. Last week my entire family went away for a few days and didn't tell me, I feel so hurt and isolated and I'm scared now that my kids are going to be excluded too if I stay in the family, and I don't want them to feel this pain. My sister also called me to say that my mum told her that she thinks I'm a bad mum and that I'm lazy because I let my kids watch TV. For context I have a 19 month old and a two month old, I go out every morning to some sort of toddler group and for a dog walk every afternoon for 1.5 hours after nap time. The only time I let my toddler watch TV is when I'm breastfeeding the baby at home otherwise he climbs all over us. I get no help from my parents and my in laws live abroad, my husband works long hours and 6 days a week. I'm absolutely knackered and I feel so hurt to be called lazy when I do everything alone, and I'm trying my hardest. I go to every appointment alone and the one time I asked if my parents could come and help me last week because I was ill, they were busy. I don't mind not having help, but then don't make comments you know? I guess I'm just hoping for some words of comfort and do you think it's reasonable to cut off from my family over this or am I being dramatic? Help!

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I don’t think you’re being dramatic. You need to do what’s best for you and your little family unit.. if that means cutting them off or limiting contact. People will judge you whatever you do, whether it’s family or someone else so you need to do whatever makes you and your babies the happiest x

You’re definitely not being dramatic, you’re also not lazy! I’ve got a just turned 2 year old and 11 week old and if I didn’t have the help from my mum I’ve had I think I would have lost my mind. Breastfeeding is a full time job in itself and trying to juggle another little one is extremely hard! You’re super mum and I’m so sorry your own mum is treating you this way, sending love ❤️

Thank you ladies, it's been really tough. I don't even want her to help as the handful of times they have, they always make me feel sooo bad like they had to be somewhere else and they cancelled their important plans to help me (I always say please only help if you have no other plans) so it's not even worth it. But it's just painful to be excluded and then be called a bad mum/lazy 🤕. My fear is that I don't want my kids to feel like this or to hear her speaking negatively about me. We've been through so much BS with her over the years but now it's about my kids so enough is enough. I know I shouldn't let it get to me but it does 😣. We are all supermums! Being a parent is so hard, last thing we need is negativity and to doubt ourselves and add to the mum guilt 😕

Good god no! I’m a huge believer in doing what best serves you and only surrounding yourself with positive energies and your mum does not sound like a good support or positive energy for you. I’m so sorry to hear that, that sucks! But if you manage how much you let her into your life you will feel so much more empowered…. Give yourself a massive pat on the back too, sounds like you’re absolutely smashing it!

@Jasmin thank you, I'm trying 😭. we haven't talked to her on and off over the years but I've always gone back as love my dad. She didn't even know I was pregnant with my first until two weeks before I gave birth 🤕. But this time my dad has actually talked bad about me too and he allowed us to be excluded from the family trip so I think now it's time to cut them all off. It's sad but it's necessary I think 😞. I'm scared of the confrontation in front of the kids though but it's best to do it now while they are too little to really understand I've seen how she manipulates my nieces and nephews and we are all just so messed up from her!

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