Thoughts?

Thoughts? We were at a birthday party with my 2 children and it was about time to leave I got my 16 month old out of the little car she was playing in to go say goodbye to my friend who’s sons party it was I sat my daughter on a chair and at the table and gave her a piece of watermelon to eat to distract her from being upset about leaving while I said goodbye to my friend and I was standing about 1/2 a meter away from her as I was saying goodbye my friend discloses that a family member had actually died that week and the party nearly didn’t go forwards and started crying so I of course comforted her but was still very closely watching my girl I specifically remember thinking that I hope my friend didn’t think I was being rude because I kept looking back over at my baby to make sure she was sitting well but unfortunately right in front of me she went to pick up a bit of watermelon she had dropped and fell off the chair onto the ground and cut her lip, she was screaming and there was blood everywhere my husband immediately storms in screaming at me “what happened and why wasn’t I watching her” he kept going on about how stupid I was to leave her on the chair like that and accusing me of not paying attention to her then he started swearing and saying we needed to go to the hospital because she needed stitches, I didn’t think she’d need stitches as they try not to do those for lips unless it’s really bad but I agreed she needed to go to the hospital to be checked out and I communicated several times that I wanted to calm her a bit and slow the bleeding a bit as mouth wounds bleed a lot and I thought the drive to the hospital would be much more miserable if she was still screaming and bleeding I know that Ice can help seal mouth wounds so I wanted to get her some but he was just going off in front of everyone demanding we leave now. So we did he was so angry at me and blaming me I took my daughter to the ED by myself while my husband sorted out care for our eldest child and when he came back to the hospital he was back to acting all nice. I’m so hurt over how quickly he pointed the finger at me not only blaming me but yelling and swearing at me at a kids birthday party in front of everyone that he automatically assumed I was being neglectful and that I deserved to be cussed out in front of everyone while holding a screaming baby covered in her blood and in shock I already felt horrible enough. I made an error in judgment my daughter is able to climb up on the couch and chairs and sit perfectly independently so I thought sitting her on a chair at the table would be perfectly fine for a minute but I was wrong and she fell but I was watching her the whole time she didn’t fall because I did anything reckless or wasn’t paying attention but of course I still fee horrible but I’ve never once blamed my husband for one of our kids getting hurt just the other week our son fell off the swing on his watch and had a massive bruise on his face for over 2 weeks and I never once insinuated that it was his fault. He’s apologised now but I just can’t seem to look at him the same way we are supposed to be a team and the minute something goes wrong he threw me under the bus immediately not only blaming me but yelling and swearing at me in front of a bunch of people at a damn 3rd birthday party I’m humiliated and hurt I’ve always given our kids 110% My baby girl is fine a nasty cut on her lip but no stitches needed btw

Show your support

Yeah absolutely not. That’s grounds for separation in my opinion. The disrespect and aggression in front of others is especially scary. If that’s how he gets in front of a bunch of people, how bad will he act behind closed doors? To swear and yell at you in front of people is not okay and he owes you and everyone there an apology. You were watching as best you could and were put in between a rock and a hard place. Her injury is not your fault and I hope you know that🥺 I’m very sorry he treated you that way. His fear was justified but taking it out on you was not okay at all. Sorry girl:(

@Julianna yeah I fell similar to be honest if it wasn’t for the kids I think that would be my point to walk away, I understand he might of been in shock and all but it just makes me look at everything we’ve built together differently knowing that the minute something went wrong his default mode was to attack me we are supposed to be a team we have many more years of cuts and scrapes to manage through and a lifetime of navigating problems and emergencies

I understand fear and shock in a moment like that but to not know what even happened meaning not knowing you were watching her or anything is not okay it’s scary and not okay as partners stand by me in public and correct me or talk the situation through at home… never in public it’s scary and not okay. I’m so sorry you went through that!

If my partner treated me like that, especially in front of other people, I would be fuming and seriously considering our relationship tbh. It was an accident, it doesn't mean you're a neglectful parent at all! What a prick.

These things happen and it’s not your fault completely. Could you have been more careful? Yes of course and you are probably feeling more than guilty. It’s not like u did anything to deliberately hurt her and I’m sure ur a great parent! Your husband was a) out of line for doing that in front of so many people and b) even if he wanted to reprimand you it’s never done in the moment. The first thing is always to take care of your child once everything is settled he could have calmly told you look just be a bit more careful next time. Because as a parent one should know it could have been him watching her - kids move so fast they’re bound to get hurt a bit here and there, it’s a learning curve for everyone at each stage of their life so there’s no need to blame anyone Was his apology genuine at least?

Hope your daughter is doing better now! 💖

I’m sorry you had that happen. I would’ve snapped personally. Literally “you need to stop, everyone has accidents/makes mistakes we can talk later let me calm her down and we will go.” I’d be mad asf considering our kids are kids and get hurt, I’d never be mad at him for that situation. You had two things going on same time and things always happen in the blink of an eye

People do act differently in shock but I’ve always told my husband that no matter who was right or wrong to start with, if one person screams at the other then they automatically lose and yours sounds even worse that it was in front of a lot of people. I hope it doesn’t sound rude but if I was a bystander then I’d be wondering what he was like at home if he was comfortable to do that in public

@Krupha yeah it was so unhelpful having him stomp around yelling instead of being by my side getting me the stuff I needed or shielding our very upset and afraid 4 year old who and comforting him. It was a genuine apology I just worry that he won’t learn anything from the situation as he reacts with emotion so often and doesn’t think about the consequences until well after

@Heidi Honestly I did start to snap back but I stopped because my girl needed me my son didn’t need anymore conflict and I didn’t want to make a scene and upset my friend or her party

@Amy I guess I feel bad because part of me understands that shock isn’t controllable but the other part is just disgusted in how his body and mind automatically decided to act it’s made me feel like I won’t have a partner in life when things get tough just a critic. He’s not abusive or anything but he definitely has a nasty side so your assessment isn’t that off tbh

Shock is different in different people but I’d suggest that even in shock, his initial reaction would be to comfort your child and check the injury, not berate you. Your guilt should only be for your child and I’m not suggesting that you did anything wrong by any means but that’s just being a mum, you feel guilty no matter what you do! You made an assessment based on knowing your child’s capabilities and it didn’t end well but do it another 99 times and the outcome would probably be different. My son currently has a very small fracture in his wrist because the curious mind of a 4 year old thought it would be fun to pirouette down the stairs. He goes up and down the stairs confidently and unaided about 20 times a day and this has been the only time anything has happened so as much as mums are superhero’s, we’re not psychic. I’m not sure if I haven’t understood correctly but where was your husband when it happened? Were you supposed to be watching over 2 children at the same time?

Your husband is….. not okay….. accidents happen so do you want your children being around this behavior? Seeing that accidents are responded to with aggression, anger, and low key violence? I’m really sorry. Glad little one is okay but your husband needs help. I would not want my children around someone like that.

I hope you can address this together and figure out a way that he can shift his mindset and pretty much NEVER act like that again! If I was him, and I reacted that way, yeah shock and all that aside I would feel totally ashamed that I humiliated my partner like that. It needs to be addressed so you can avoid it happening again in future.

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌