Do you think you should be expected to host grandparents if you have the space?

They have a large house and still not able to host? Not surprised your mum is a bit annoyed. But their house so respect their decision and get a hotel

If I were your mum I wouldn’t go. I understand being woke and all but that’s your mother, she literally birthed you the same way you’re now able to have your own child. She deserves the respect. I understand some daughter in laws don’t like their MIL’s being around when the baby is brand new and have their reservations and these type of decisions would usually come from the wife lol. Husbands don’t care that much. (Personally I would have my mum there not my mil) but if my mil wanted to come, she would absolutely get a room in the house not even in the camper. Your brother is a bit out of sorts with this and if it were my brother I would be calling him to find out what he thinks he’s doing. Later on down the line if your mum is switched off from his children his wife will paint her the wicked MIL forgetting that sometimes we mums could trigger it.

It depends on the grandparents & how much they help out. For us, grandparents on both sides really contribute when they come (eg do most of the cooking/washing up, help with childcare, kids washing etc) and we love having them. If they expected everything to be done for them then it might be different as it’s hard enough to look after yourself and baby with a 3 month old.

I'd be upset if I was your mum, too! I'd always put my parents up even if I didn't have the space. If they have a large house and a camper why can't she stay in the camper?

@Jennifer personally I don't think it's their responsibility to help, great if they do but I'd wanna take care of them when they stay, I cook anyway so I'd be cooking for them, an adult can shower, dress, entertain themselves ect

It’s not really a straightforward should or shouldn’t. If it’s stressful for you or makes things difficult, then those are things you should consider. I’m sure she would understand but she would be upset too, so weighing things up is probably the best thing to do

I don’t think anyone should be “expected” to host just because they have the room. As others have said it depends on if the visitors help or expect to be hosted. It’s also a lot of extra housework for the parents of a 3 month old (washing/ironing bed sheets, shopping for and preparing extra food etc etc) so I understand why they have asked for her to stay in a hotel personally.

Depends on the guest in this situation and the baby. I do think it's somewhat entitled to just assume you can stay somewhere with a young infant, who could be cluster feeding, waking up hourly, puking half the time with reflux, could be pp depression etc. We initially put time limits on how long we wanted visitors for because it's tiring enough catering to a baby and trying to keep up with everything without having to share your personal space with another human. I don't need various family members sat in the living room with me my while baby sleeps with a boob in her mouth. Everyone respected that, whether or not they thought it was reasonable, because it was our choice, our house, our baby. It didn't last forever, we have people to stay now. If it's going to put financial strain on her I think it would be nice for them to at least offer to pay, or contribute towards it. Some people love to host, some hate it. I hate it, I do it now because it's the right thing to do but 3 months pp, I did not.

There's no should or shouldn't, a lot can factor into it, and no one should expect it. I think your mum is acting entitled, and if means seeing grandchild and son then pay for a hotel or B&B

This isn’t necessarily a straight answer. If the new baby doesn’t sleep, they’re both exhausted and they just can’t handle the thought of having to prepare somewhere and have somewhere stay it’s not personal and I don’t know that it can be held against them but obviously not knowing any details here I can’t judge. But yeah, I think being a grandmother and wanting to visit the new baby I’d be annoyed but I like to think I’d respect their wishes and get a hotel for a couple of nights just this once and hope they change their minds later

@Jade you're so right. If the visitors are around to help or there to be hosted. Not fair on the woman who just had a newborn.

Who knows it could be your brother's partner who doesn't want anyone staying for the sake of how she feels. And maybe past experience from when people did stay at their place.

No-one should be expected to host anyone in their house, grandparent or otherwise. I couldn’t think of anything worse than having someone staying in my house, especially with a young baby so your brother and his partner are well within their rights to ask your mum to stay in a hotel. By deciding not to go your mum is cutting off her nose to spite her face.

I think context is important. I understand that she’s his mother but it’s not linear. Would she be expecting to be fed, having any washing done, how is the baby in terms of sleeping etc, how much would the brother help out or do, what is the relationship like, what would she think if meals hadn’t been cooked or the house was messy. I have a newborn and the thought of having to host anyone right now, even my own mother would fill me with dread because I do everything in my house and if we’ve had a bad night then it’s ok to stay in pjs all day or eat crappy food and chill out at any opportunity which wouldn’t be the case if you have a guest

Is it cause they have a new born and germs ?

Oof... We were in a studio and were going to host but my mil didn't want to impose. We found an apartment nearby and offered to pay for accommodations but she said no, she'd pay for herself. It's their baby, their rules. As much as your mom can clean up after herself, the parents still need to prepare the space, clean etc.

To be honest it’s a little messed up cuz that the grandmother of their kid, but I could understand that rule for like friends or cousins stuff like that

No one is obligated to host anyone else.

Your brother is correct :) his house, his baby, his right to make decisions that are best for his family. Hosting people is a LOT. Your mom needs to respect their boundaries. No one has a right to see baby on their own terms.

If I had the space I would love to have my parents or inlaws stay IF they were willing to help out while they were there. If they expected to be waited on or treated as special guests then no, thsts too much work

It’s their home… Right! When you’re grown and pay for a home (not asking your parents for money to be able to afford and live in that home)….you make the rules. And if anyone is upset about those rules then they can keep it moving. Having any size home doesn’t make you the fucking holiday inn. If I have a 20 bedroom home and i refuse to let people crash in my home for whatever reason—then so be it.

@Olivia I’m confused by “she literally birthed you”…no one asked to be conceived and born. And that’s not a reason in any situation to do something for a parent. Are your kids obligated to always do things for you and say “yes mom” because you MADE the choice to have them?? Having children is your choice. Hanging this over their head is just wild “I pushed you out so you must let me crash in your home that u pay for” You said “she deserves respect”. How is this situation quantified by respect? What if they respectfully told mom/ MIL that they’re not allowing guest right now. But telling someone “no” is not disrespectful. Especially if it’s your mom/ MIL. And to assume the wife isn’t a fan of the MIL and she made this decision on her own is again crazy. Some couple have boundaries…even with family. Right now, they created some for whatever reason as grown adults. I think you doing things your way is cool. I think them doing things their way is also cool & not disrespectful.

@S. annalese you seem really upset this early in the day LOOOOL. I’m absolutely not reading all that but you have your opinion. I have mine. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Stay blessed

@Olivia I’m not upset. Having an opinion and breaking down what you wrote doesn’t make someone upset. It’s how you peacefully debate to avoid name calling and silly and unwarranted emojis to avoid the conversation. Having an opposing view doesn’t make me pissy. I obviously disagree with you and it’s okay for you to say “cool. I still stand by my words”. But I guess you’re bot open to opposing conversations. So have a decent day too.

@S. annalese you just proved my point 🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵

@Olivia that you can’t read or won’t read? Or both?

@S. annalese 😂 keep going xx

Thats very weird… but if theres some medical reason I might understand. Maybe the daughter in law just doesn’t like MIL??? Did they give a real reason? Is ur mum a bit difficult to accomodate? Are they going to pay for the hotel? If my mum needed to stay in a hotel i would pay for it… i think she would prefer that tbh so i dont hand her a baby at 3 am then swap in a toddler at 5am 😂😂😂 But ye, if i was the mum, i would say im not coming. Come over and stay at mine when u feel ready

As someone who was forced to host someone at my small house the week I had my baby I get it. They were such a nuisance and I was in so much pain. They constantly tried to pull my husbands attention when I needed him most and totally trashed the house I spent forever making sure was spotless before I gave birth.

Honestly, It’s up to the woman who had the baby. She had the baby 3 months ago and she may still feel very vulnerable and may not want to have guest around all day. The relationship between MIL and DIL is also important here. (Which we don’t know if it’s good or strained)

They have every right to not want to host anyone at their house whether someone birthed them or not. Giving birth doesn’t entitle you to staying in someone else’s home. That they pay for. If they decided they don’t want anyone there, that’s their right AND their choice.

There is no specific rule, it's about what works best for the people living in the home. When we had our first and the guest room became a nursery, had the same talk with my MIL who doesn't live near us and it was like we started a war ☠️ Not everyone wants their couch as a bed and this is why hotels exist. To make it fair, we even began getting our own accommodations when we visit her because having personal space at the end of the day is great and also, if the respect isn't there, I'm not bending backwards to appease to someone else who feels my home is a place they get to demand control. I hope your Mom can find a way to accept because if not, it really can change the landscape for a family and how they include her down the road 😬

@Olivia u said it perfectly, they will reap what they sow! One day that little baby’s gonna have a baby and they will understand

There's no clear right or wrong here but if that's their boundary then people need to respect it. No one is entitled to being hosted no matter how much space someone has. So that attitude needs to change for sure.

@Tasneem IF their baby one day has a baby, hopefully they will respect said baby's perfectly reasonable wishes no matter who's body they exited 😬 birthing a child does not give you the right to demand whatever you want from them!

I don't know that this is OPs situation as we don't have a bigger picture but the attitude of comments like Olivia's is pretty entitled, it sort of says no matter what you do your child needs to do whatever you want for the rest of your life because you birthed them! This is how you get those crazy MIL stories on here lol

@Rachel like I said, they will get it one day. Anyways we didn’t grow up the same… I don’t believe in old people homes, I have respect and love for my family and my husbands family. If my parents are older and have no where to go they would move in w me and vice versa for my in laws. If my mil randomly comes to my door im opening the door w a smile… ur not my type of person and that’s ok

@Tasneem Let's try imagining a potential other side of the story "3m postpartum, I'm still really struggling with healing after a difficult birth, I love our baby so much but he's much harder work than I was expecting, he's still up every two hours overnight and my husband is working long hours. My MIL has been wanting to visit but both my husband and I feel like we're already under so much pressure and so tired with trying to look after baby, our household and ourselves that we're still really not feeling up to having house guests. My husband explained this to his mum and offered to put her up in a hotel nearby and we promised we'd still see a lot of her but she's really upset and said she doesn't want to come at all any more. This was a joint decision but I know the reaction has hurt my husband's feelings, what should I do?" FYI I adore my MIL. But not all mothers deserve adoration simply because they gave birth, that's what I'm saying

I don't want to argue or anything, just interested in your thoughts

I mean whenever my mom would come visit she always preferred a hotel 😂

Just cos they’re family doesn’t mean you wanna live in the same house as them. They probably just want the space whilst they’re recovering and navigating being parents, I don’t see the issue of just getting a hotel and respecting that boundary x

I mean if your brother invited your mom it makes sense for her to either be accommodated at his house or he would pay a hotel, if she self invited then it makes sense for him to have boundaries.

We hosted my mom when baby was 4 months. She slept on the couch. But i did have to cook for her. And yes, normally it wouldn't bother me because when I cook I make enough for everyone. But for the 1st 6mths I was in a fog. I survived off coconut water, body armor, oatmeal, and protein shakes 🤣. I ate an actual meal when my wife got home from work. Having to do my mother's laundry and cook for her and clean up for her ...on top of my cluster feeding baby and pumping and caringfor my 2 dogs... im pregnant now and I would not host anyone for the first 6mths post partum. So I get it if your SIL is the one that's having feelings about it and maybe your brother is just trying to support his freshly post partum wife. If your mom really just wants to see them then she can go get a hotel. If that really is a deal breaker then she can wait until they're ready to host guests.

They are having a 3 months old and probably need their space. Your mom should understand that. I don't know if there's something else we don't know but I think it's fair for them to set boundaries with their young baby

I think ur mom overreacted a little bit. I’d say to revisit the conversation when the baby isn’t a newborn. If they have a camper for ur mom to stay in I think if it’s not often they see her they should host her even for a couple days. Culturally, we always welcome our parents from where I come from. I understand people are raised differently though. I wouldn’t want visitors 3 months post partum also, maybe closer to 8 months.