What would you do?

I’m 6 weeks away from giving birth to my baby (hoping it’ll be on time). I’m the only one preparing for the baby & my husband isn’t contributing anything. When I ask, he is always turning everything to an argument. And even worse he starts arguments over nothing or very petty stuff. It’s constant walking on eggshells & I’m honestly exhausted with his behaviour. He started a fight with me on Thursday night out of no where while I was sleeping, then Friday morning there was a bit of interaction but I wasn’t over the toxic behaviour but chose my peace instead of saying anything. Anytime I expressed anything about his behaviour, he lashes out & it turns the house into a battlefield. Anyways, he expected me to be calling him at work which was strange because he never bothered with me. Instead he texted ‘what a shit life with you’. I was surprised as I was recovering from the mental toil from the previous night so took a nap after I finished work. I just gave a brief neutral response to remind him that I didn’t bother him & I had a back ache due to the pregnancy. Anyways it didn’t stop there, he texted some nasty texts which I haven’t read & not planning to, to protect my peace. Then the next day, ie after all he did the previous night & us sleeping in separate rooms, he asks me if I’m going to stay with my friend, something he made an assumption about when eaves dropping on my call a few days ago. I didn’t engage because I was very upset with all he did. I had headphones listening to something calming so I don’t react as it always drains me & I’m left with health challenges alongside the pregnancy. The next thing I heard was him cursing me & insulting me for choosing my peace over his chaos. He kept yelling & saying a lot of mean things which I didn’t pay attention to plus had my headphones. Anyways he eventually left early for work. My friend came & helped me with stuff around the house which was so kind of her & so much of a relief as there were a lot of things to be moved after we moved to a new place. This man has just been in competition with me. Once he carried the stuff from previous house, he refused to help with settling in & didn’t even help packing before. Anyways, I’m so done with his behaviour & I’m at the verge of changing locks. The only thing that is probably making me be on the fence is the fact that baby is almost here & I will need him to take me to hospital. I don’t have any family nearby & my friend lives far. My plan has always been to wait until baby is born to exit the relationship but he is pushing me to do something now. If you were in my position, what would you do? I don’t want to make a decision from emotions but from a logical perspective.

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First, I am so sorry that you are experiencing stress like this especially in such a vulnerable time. I'd look into a lawyer personally and exit while I could because there's no telling what he's capable of after the baby is here and you need a ton of support and help after birth. If being with family is an option, I'd spring for that for the sake of your sanity. It's hard when you live far from everyone. We're 7 hours away from family and it really honestly does take a village. Your peace is worth protecting if family is willing to help. Get a protective order if you have to! You already know what you want and that's to protect yourself and the baby. You've got this mama. 🫶🏼

Oh I'm so sorry you're going through this. You definitely need to get out of this relationship as soon as you feel safe and able to do so, and it will be easier to do before the baby is born. You certainly don't want him with you when you're giving birth, it's a stressful enough experience without worrying about how he's going to be acting. And same with having a newborn baby to be honest, you need supportive people around, and having nobody is better than having an unpredictable and abuse person around you and your baby. I'd strongly recommend contacting a domestic abuse charity for support. Also, might it be possible for you (and the baby when they come) to stay with your friend until you can find somewhere else? Just thinking that if you stay and kick him out then you're all alone there and he could turn up and get aggressive towards you. You would also have your friend to support with going to the hospital then as well x

I would get out of that relationship asap hun, it sounds like this behaviour has been going on for a while and you DONT need this stress, pregnancy is supposed to be a beautiful experience and no one absolutely no one has the right to take that away from you. Especially as your partner he’s supposed to be the most loving and supportive rn bc you don’t ever forget what you go thru in pregnancy especially as it’s your first. You’re v brave and for him to text you even when he left to work was so stupid bc you’ve left so leave it at that why are you carrying on? He’ll regret what he’s lost but seriously girl you don’t need this stress, reach out to your midwife and tell em you need support. Rooting for you 💖

im so sorry you're going through that, pregnancy can be really hard and its one of the main times you'll need support from your partner i know it will be hard and scary but its best for you to leave that relationship because its not healthy for you or the baby, he/she can hear the arguments and feel how upset you are and it will distress him/her im sure he should be a man enough to still take you to the hospital because at the end of the day he is still the father and should realise that again im really sorry you have to go through that ❤

He needs to move out. Get a trespass order or protection order on him. Or just get help from friends to pack and leave while he's at work and find somewhere to stay until you get your own house.

Organize your ride to the hospital without his help. Call a friend or ambulance

I'm so sorry you're going through this. And can I say how impressed I am at your focus on and ability to maintain your peace? It's so amazing that you're able to do that for yourself Post partum is haaard, way way harder then I thought. So if you are going to leave anyway, leaving before baby is born would be 1000 times easier on you Most of the time, labour starts slow. And there's plenty of time before you're naked and screaming and leaking fluids everywhere. So if you needed to get yourself to the hospital, or wait for your friend to get there, you could absolutely do that in early labour (most of the time). If you wanted to labour at home as long as possible, that would be hard though, an ambulance might be your only option. Unless you want to temporarily move in with someone else, but you might need to birth at a different hospital then Whatever you choose it's a shit situation and I'm so sorry you're in it. Feel free to message if you ever need to talk xx

I agree with Chris, your ability to maintain self control is amazing! I’d be screaming left right and centre especially with what I’ve been thru already pregnancy related or not! My hubby was pretty difficult to deal with too but no one should put you in a position where you have to up and leave when all you wanted was a loving, nurturing relationship. You’ve got this ❤️

Thank you ladies for your kind words and suggestions. Yes, self control is the key to maintaining my peace otherwise being reactive only takes me to a rabbit hole & after engaging negatively with him, I always feel it’s hard a toll on my physical health. I can evict him from the house as the house is in my name but the only challenge is I’ll be left to also pay for his share of rent which I’m not sure I’m prepared for right now. I feel I’ll be prepared when baby is here although will be in mat leave as I’ll have a family member who will come & support me during postpartum. Atm it’s a bit complex as they are coming from a different country so might take a while. Anyways, I have no where else to go & my friend doesn’t have space for me & baby as she already has two kids & her husband. My only option is to stay in my home. I’m just at crossroads and after another argument today I feel just so exhausted.

This sucks. If I were you I would throw a temper tantrum and just lose it on him. Sometimes when people are complaining about nothing, they don’t even realize how good they have it until you push back! Like “Dude, I’m pregnant and about to give birth. If you’re only going to bother me and not be there for me, then leave! I don’t need - nor do I have the bandwidth to support your shitty behavior right now. I need to stay calm for the baby.” Nobody puts baby in the corner. If you have to move to an apt so you can afford it on your own, do it. But don’t get pushed around by this asshole while you’re literally in your most vulnerable state. He will either be surprised with your reaction (like standing up to a bully) or he’ll leave. Either way you’ll have your answer. You can deal with his nonsense + postpartum at the same time.

@Marcella I’ve been there with the temper tantrum or yelling back but always feel more drained than when I maintain my dignity. This morning was one of them as I had enough when he triggered me while I was having my breakfast. We just moved to this new apartment so I don’t have the option to get out of contract until after 6months. This is why I’ve been buying time but not sure how much longer I can be patient. His behaviour has just worsened when we moved here. Thought having a big space would minimise the constant fights he creates but that’s not the case.

Easier to do it now! Move back with your family now, you may not be able to once baby is born unless he agrees

Sorry this is happening to you, but he is just gonna get worst after baby comes, bc you will be all consumed with your baby, and he will hear baby cries and messy house and treats you even worst, so yes go back to ur family, this man won't be a future for you ,so sorry , I've been through similar thing and I left him 💔💔, if i knew better I wouldn't even kept my baby, bc he is still in her life and giving me hell every other weekend to see her daughter

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