Am I being selfish

Firstly I’m sorry you are going through what you are going through. You are in no way whatsoever being selfish. I let my partner work when I was home with a 12 day old and 2 step kids and I resent him for asking and me saying yes. It is so tough. It is your partner who is being selfish if I’m being blunt. It takes time to adjust to a new family member and your partner should be more understanding that the first few weeks are tough, emotionally and physically. I would advise calling your midwife or health visitor when your partner isn’t around to discuss your mental health if you can’t raise it in front of him, it’s so important to speak up and advocate for yourself and there’s no shame in saying you are struggling especially if you don’t have his family to support you. Sorry to ramble but bottom line, he is being selfish, not you

@maddie thank you I needed to hear this, he’s driving me to the midwife appointment and said he’s going to wait in the car with our eldest child. I think I will discuss with the midwife the situation and how im feeling xx I don’t want to lose my happy

You’re welcome, sometimes you need to hear it from someone else to sort of validate it. I really would recommend speaking up, like I say it’s so important to keep your happy as it’s what will get you through the tougher days xx

Men just don’t get it at all. I’m 3 days pp and when hub said today did I mind if he took oldest (9) to his Sunday league game I said no as long as you take middle (2/nearly 3) as well he said “why?” Erm maybe cos I had a baby 3 days ago so you’re better equipped for the physical tasks right now 🙄 I think you need to sit him down and explain all this because without it he won’t ever wrap his head around it.

I am with @maddie on this, I’m sorry to be so upfront but he is being rather selfish, I was struggling to read your post without getting upset. And my advice is exactly the same, talk to your midwife/ heath visitor when he isn’t around so you can be more open. We are all here to support you but looks like you might need something more than a text.

He’s now said that I deliberately stopped him from going to football today by having my appointment today. He said I saw the mental health midwife on Friday so why did I need to go again today (10 day check). I explained I’ve been worried about a few things and my emotions are all over the place at the moment so don’t know how I’m feeling day to day. I’m so confused I thought this period of time was for being happy and in love and joyful .

My goodness I’m so sorry you have to deal with that. I don’t think he’s understanding his responsibilities as a father; it’s ok for each of you to take a little break and I think it’s actually good for him to do some sport, what I find irresponsible is to leave you alone for such long period of time. I don’t want to intrude here too much, you know him better… but a 10 day old is way too young. Is there anyone from his side you could talk to that will make him reason? Maybe his mum, or a sister? Someone his trust that share your opinion… just an idea

Sorry he is being like that. He doesn’t seem to be grasping what is needed of him as a father to a newborn. Is it something you two could discuss calmly so you can try to explain it all? It’s okay to have arguments but if it’s starting to affect your mental health then something needs to give as sleepless nights will take their toll and you risk becoming overloaded by doing it all x

I’m very greatful for your replies and support thank you for replying to me and listening . I’m going to try and talk to him tomorrow when our eldest is at nursery and when hopefully things are a little calmer . It’s a strange time post partum , i feel vulnerable and high in emotions, and it’s such a short period of time when your little one is this small and things so daunting ,im going to ask him if he’s struggling emotionally as im now wondering if maybe he’s getting depression or something . I really appreciate your replies ladies thank you xxxx