Am I overreacting and being over protective?

I would also continue to reassure my son that it’s okay to speak up, even if it is an adult. There’s too much that goes on in this world and he should never be too uncomfortable to protect himself 🫶🏾

Is it a white guy? Why is he touching your son’s hair? 😵‍💫 Being told once is more than enough warning to stop. Next time he tries it, smack his hands away and tell him loudly to keep his fucking hands to himself. Not overreacting at all.

They’d be barring me from church because I’d kick up such a stink it’s unreal

I would walk away anytime he approaches your child/family. If he still continues I’d tell someone in charge at the church. Continuing to touch someone after they’ve told you to stop is absolutely not okay.

I offend people all the time. My baby is adorable (if I do say so myself) and he likes to be in the front facing carrier and random old people will try to touch his arm or leg, occasionally his face or top of his head and I always say no. Not once has someone been reasonable when I say please don't touch my son. My best guess is they know they have good intentions and feel like you are saying they have bad intentions, which hurts their feelings. But like, its not about them. It's about my kid not getting "used to" adults touching them

@Neena yes he’s white

That’s disgusting behavior and I would speak up with someone.

@Kate I know you mean well but your comparison is not the same. Black women’s/men’s hair texture seems to be a point of fascination for many a white person who think they can just go up to a stranger’s child and start playing with it! I’ve never known any other race do that and have seen it many a time with my friends’ children. The worst part is that this is an adult who has been told several times not only by the mother, but also the child themselves, to stop touching their hair. It’s not about good intentions. That lady’s child is not a toy to be played with. If they are so curious about the texture of Afro hair, let them go to a wig shop and go play with that. What you’re not gonna do is start putting your dirty hands in a child’s hair!

I guess your son is learning about consent for what he will be able to touch/ not touch. When to listen. He is learning if his feelings have value or not. It’s great you are looking out for him rather than sucking up to the older man. I guess the older man is used to everyone sucking up to him all the time and never learned about consent himself.

Not to go off the rails or a vastly different approach... Now would be the time to teach good touch/bad touch, teach them to say anatomical parts like penis, scrotum, etc, and not wee wee or whatever. Teach the boundaries song, which you can google on youtube. You're more likely to get a conviction by using proper terms should a kid testify. What we want is kids to teach kids they have autonomy over their bodies and that their feelings DO matter. We want to prevent SA and the detriments of such. There are also books that teach these things. I'm sorry I don't have a link. If it were me, I'd teach my kid the boundaries song and any time that person came near, I'd have him sing the song really, really loud to embarrass TF out of him. I'd practice at home with my kid too, lol.

@Neena as your point is valid and true, many mistake my son’s hair as Afro hair. So just to clear the air, my son is mixed Puerto Rican and Filipino. He’s not black whatsoever. Regardless, you make a good point. It happens and it’s not ok and my son’s feelings do matter

He's dead wrong. Good on you for advocating for him when he's not comfortable doing so himself. I'd try to encourage him to speak up for himself, because he's entitled to do so. But until he's ready, just keep doing what you're doing.

Erm screams nonce! And going to “church” is his lovely little cover up.

Well growing up in a southern Baptist church I can tell you this is not uncommon and is absolutely predatory behavior. It’s one reason I strayed away from the church. I would definitely be switching churches or just stream services online. My old preacher did that shit to a girl that I went to school with ,basically grooming her, and then he and his wife ended up taking her in after her mom passed away; and now he is sitting in prison for multiple SA charges. These people do not care if it’s in their house or the lords house. Protect your son and get out of that church. And even if he was “just being nice” he needs to respect boundaries and stop when you and your son say stop. And honestly if he can’t stop when you say stop I’d be pressing assault charges. Maybe then he will stop.

Encourage your son to say "stop touching me" to anyone. I'd address him again and this time not one on one. If I've spoken to you several times and I've been polite about it...you keep doing it so I'm not being respectful about it. I'd wait until he's with people and then just be like "hey, I've asked you to stop touching my son several times now. He's uncomfortable and at this point it's disrespectful. I don't want to have to ask you again to keep your hands to yourself."

You’re not in the wrong I would’ve been petty and touched his hair and messed it up. I wouldn’t stop even if he ask me to. And I will look at him face-to-face and tell him and someone says no it’s no. I hope you learned your lesson.

Ooooh girl in church? That’s testing it! I feel like some people think when you’re asking politely that they still have an option. I would probably say, “Sir we’re here at church to learn to be our better selves. But your actions are going to bring out the sinner in me so this is the absolute last time my son or I am going to ask you to stop. Now I’m telling you. Do NOT touch my son.” If he still laughs it off, I would talk to church security and have them keep an eye on the guy. Like is he overstepping boundaries with other kids as well? Very unsettling.

Groomer behavior 🚩 don’t back down but you and your kid have to get firm and aggressive back to him. I personally would say to the guy stop acting like a pedophile or I’m reporting you to the police. I honestly would even look the guy up for charges already. There’s no reason a grown man wants to touch his hair so badly and can’t control himself… 🤢 so sorry you’re going through this don’t back down tho he’s trying to push through your boundaries. If he approaches have your son move behind you, let the guy know his presence clearly is not welcomed.

Kids can absolutely say something if it is making them feel uncomfortable. Try to explain to him that if something is troubling him or making him feel that way he must speak up. Hope it gets sorted 🥰

You cannot allow him to touch your son again. This guy needs to be scared to cross that line again. Your son needs to know that no one is allowed to touch him when he’s uncomfortable.

This would give me the creeps so bad. The dude sounds like a pedophile. I would keep that man far away from my son

Sounds like a predator trying to downplay a free touch