How do you communicate?

I’m sorry this happened to you. It can be really difficult in this situation. Our first year of marriage was rough especially with a baby. What I learned You both have to be committed to the communication. But for my husband we started off with a check in every two month to one month now biweekly. We just started a family Gmail account and talking about the stressful things. I can write down the template we use to have the conversation. Biggest thing is do I statements don’t do or focus on what they are doing wrong. Not like you don’t help me with the kids. More “I have been feeling overwhelmed lately and could really use more support with the baby” if that helps

Im not married but iv been in a relationship for 7 years and we have a 4 year old together. Sometimes it can feel like living with a man child 😅But men and woman are wired different, when a woman can mature by 25, men can hit the same level of maturity at 33. Sounds like you've been patient enough and you deserve to feel like you again. Could you possibly try and stand your ground? Sometimes a spat can strengthen a relationship if people know how to self-reflect and want to work things out. But there might be a deeper and non related issue he's feeling. It might not be about you. My partner was distant for a while because he was getting bullied at work, when he told me, I supported him and helped him get a new one. I hope you manage to find something that works for you.

This is a tough one, in an argument with my husband I try to see the result I want out of it before I get into it than work backwards from there. Good luck and sending a big hug. My husbands default mode puts me as the primary caregiver and it bothers me …. 🫠 my big thing I tell him is I should never have to ask him to do something he should just see and do and if I’ve had to ask him three times in one day to do something he owes me dinner

Thank you for the responses. I definitely will try a few things out. I ended up not talking about it. It was a 40-minute walk home from the station with three bags (one being a suitcase), so he had to pick me up, which he did. He definitely feels like he is failing at home, because he did say once, that when I ask him to do something or remind him he feels like he is a disappointment and a failure and he feels like he brings nothing to the relationship. The issue, like you say, is that he simply won't do anything unless asked anyway... and if I were to wait for him to do it in his own time, it would be done next year (yes, this has happened and is still happening)... it would be the 90th time I'll ask to take things to the growing pile to the tip. It started off as a few items, but since it's been two years of him not helping (I can't drive) it is now a garage full... which overwhelms him and so he doesn't do it. I just want to cry sometimes.... I'm default everything, not just parent 🥲

So, I often have a million requests. I tried having a discussion to talk about house chores and dividing it... and we did accept he did surfaces such as vacuum and clean kitchen surfaces and dust the house... and I tried to accept he does it when he wants to, but it ends up being done once a month or less after the conditions are unhealthy and stressful. I'm going out of my mind trying to be gentle... but I already went through the trying to be firm stage and he seizes up and distant and just shuts me down.. I've tried being romantic when asking, but in all honesty I just want him to be an adult... even our 20month old is cleaber than him. She doesn't need to be asked, she is putting her dirty clothes in the basket, putting rubbish in the bin, sweeping and mopping the kitchen all by her own want

Today I'm a bit overwhelmed and I want to cry. I quit a job, because being ill or anything made the job 1000 more difficult, if I missed a day I'm screwed for the rest of the year. It was highly stressful and long hours with no stop. Mentally, physically, emotionally draining. And I feel like that at home now. When I'm away, all the jobs haven't been done, today I'm doing 4 loads of washing, cleaned all the dishes and kitchen and floors, vacuuming the house, bathrooms are vile, rubbish everywhere, dirty nappies left everywhere, and society would say I'd need to be grateful he looked after OUR kid. But, i have 4 days worth of cleaning to do... and he doesn't even do the garden, like im just watching the grass get shin high and flopping over thinking how much I need to cut it but don't have time

He said he didn't know how to do the washing, he doesn't know this or that or this, but he could have messaged. Does it make him feel stupid and weak for asking? Or something? Like, to me that makes you look strong, admitting you don't know something and asking for help. But, he didn't. It drives me mad. Why don't you ask, or Google, or anything. He brags about his 3 masters, but he won't learn households or life skills?

I'm sorry for how things are in your relationship. I think he's having trouble with expectations, and he's not holding himself accountable for his actions. My first initial worry was drugs, but my second was mental health. He feels like he's failing because he actually is, and if you tell him he's not, you're lying. He's the only one who can change his actions. If you/he are open to it, I would recommend psychiatry and therapy. You probably will have to be his biggest supporter and take him and maybe even attend with him. If/when you talk to him, make sure you start with something like I'm worried about you because, well, you clearly are, and it won't feel like an attack. Use as many I statements as possible because when we start with "you" it sounds like an attack. I don't think he's stupid or weak. I personally think he feels misunderstood. It sounds like there's career success, but he still lacks confidence in who he is.