Married single mother
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Maybe take a moment and put all your feelings into words. Even write it down so you don't leave anything out and have a serious conversation with him letting him know how you feel in great detail and let him know how you would like to be helped more and set an ultimatum. An ultimatum only because its been going on for so long and immediate relief is needed (which you will follow through with if he isnt going to start helping you out more in the way you need).
I think couple’s counseling would be best.
I was 14 years and 2 kids. I had a lot of trauma in that relationship, but I knew I was done when I was able to picture him with someone else and be happy for him. I was also able to picture another woman around my children and be okay with it. That’s when I knew there was no fixing. I am happily engaged to the love of my life now. My kids thought I was being fake with my fiancé but they had to realize mom wasn’t being fake.. she’s actually truly happy for once, laughing, dancing, kissing like a teenager again. You deserve happiness.
How long has it been like this? Was he more involved when there was only 1 kid? 2 kids? How old are the kids?
Leave. What is the point of staying? You're only making extra work for yourself.
He sounds detached in every sense from you and from the kids. It's not acceptable that you do everything too. Do you think he is experiencing depression? Does he play and read with the kids and help out at bath times, nappy changes, dinner, cleaning? Also could he be experiencing phone addiction that adds a whole new level of mental health and if so HE will need therapy, I think it sounds like HE as an individual needs help especially if he is not empathising and Seeing You as a person that you need love and care. It's a hard choice to analyse whether it's worthwhile holding on or if you feel that you could move on and meet someone better in the future that is a true family man. Being with someone distant, detached, unempathetic is hard, painful, sole destroying especially when it comes to looking at them sitting there giving 0. Talk with someone in confidence to weigh it out, separation isn't easy but it's doable and at least you find your inner centre again away from something negative.
Counseling