Disconnected with husband after cheating

hey feel free to message me i’ll be up for chatting when you need to ! it’s such a massive adjustment becoming parents and the hormones are just not helping haha

I'm in awe of the grace you were able to give your husband through his struggles. You sound like an incredibly strong and kind person, and I hope you are able to give yourself the same kind of grace as you navigate the tricky new path of motherhood. It's completely understandable that as you go through this change in life that you'll experience mood swings and also re-evaluate your relationship. I feel frustration towards my partner at least twice a day, for the simple fact he will never know what it's like to have your entire identity erased into just being"mum" all the time. It isn't his fault but he gets to step away from being "dad", I can never switch it off. (Continued)

I think when you're feeling that frustration, when someone hasn't actually done anything specifically wrong, it's kind of normal for your brain to try and justify / validate those feelings by seeking out things your partner HAS done wrong (even in the past). Like "yes I am actually allowed to be upset with him because it isn't over nothing he did xyz"! The trouble is, by doing that your brain is feeding a fire, and you're going to get burnt. What you can try to do is remind yourself that you don't need your brain to validate those feelings because they're valid regardless of what your partner has or hasn't done, your whole life has turned upside down and that's hard! You're allowed to feel however you feel. Sorry for the long response and the armchair psychology. I just want you to know what you're feeling is normal and you're not alone!

I want to parrot what Gemma said. I get so funny with mine and he hasn't even cheated. I've started dredging up all his short comings, personality assassination style. I think this is very normal as the division in parental responsibility is overwhelmingly on the mum's side. The thing I get most angry about is how society perceives this as easy and not like the hardest job to exist. They expect us to work for less pay, and then look at us as if we've scored a free holiday when we go on maternity leave. It's total bs. And unfortunately I think that hard pill to swallow for most mums makes them pin the blame on the dads. (tbf it's warranted because they do have it much easier!)