Financial issues with spouse

My spouse and I have a 2 year old, and im 37 weeks pregnant with our second. He's the primary provider, and I a stay at home mum. My dad passed the year our 2 year old was born and left me with about 1600 a month pension of his. Its my financial responsibility to pay for the household groceries and other items (food, diapers, cleaning products, laundry, bathroom etc) I also take care of the dogs needs (food, grooming, vet bills, medications, toys etc) and our children's clothes, activities etc. I'll also pay for things I may need (hygeine products, make up, odd articles of clothing, nails) We both put gas in the car, when it needed new windshield wipers I bought them etc and I'll contribute in those ways when I can I also pay for my personal larger expenses, such as my annual visa renewal to stay in the country we live in and recently bought the house a new fridge and oven with a tax return. I could probably go on, but you get the idea... I also take care of the cleaning, cooking, and household duties (except mowing the lawn and handy man jobs) Yesterday, I mentioned buying something for our son which turned into an argument. We didn't speak much for the remainder of the day, and were off with eachother this morning. He came home from work, marched in the door and demanded I start contributing to more of the household bills I didn't argue, and agreed. However, he kept going on and on, fighting me. Accusing me of not spending what I earn on what I say I do. Accusing me of never putting gas in the car, or paying for those additional like wipers etc. I can't prove to him otherwise, it's his word against mine. He thinks I'm spending recklessly on clothes and selfish things for myself. Although, there's nothing to show for it. He told me I'm the only woman he knows who doesn't contribute to their spouse more financially. We also are getting by more then fine on just our income. We do not live paycheck to paycheck, have a savings, and do not struggle. I guess I'm looking for on other stay at home moms situations and wanting to see how your spouses want the finances shared?

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I currently am in a kind of same situation but one thing I can suggest is get together about your finances get on a joint account and at that point in time really set boundaries for what each other's limits are financially. Also remember that you have the hardest job out of both of them. Not only are you putting forth all the money that you've got from your father but you are also taking care of the home and taking care of the kid and being pregnant on top of it all is so hard. Don't be so hard on yourself and know that there is a community out here and that you're not alone. I firmly don't agree with how he is coming at you with saying that you need to contribute more when I believe in more traditional and relationships as such as my fiance does that when a man and a woman can join to one the man's responsibility is to take care of his wife or his partner. It is a father's responsibility to be able to contribute that while you are at home taking care of the cooking and cleaning

I’m at FTM and SAHM turning into a WAHM. And excited to start contributing more and being able to buy things for my son. And I’m sorry this may not be the best advice but I would agree like you said but keep every receipt as back up just in case he wants to pull this again. I don’t know how much he makes and don’t wanna say anything bad about your relationship as I know nothing, but playing devils advocate. But he is perhaps jealous of how much money you’re making and taking care of the household, financially, cuz it seems like you’re damn near paying for everything. Those things cost a lot. Or maybe it could be the stress of this new chapter in your lives.

And on top of everything that you're doing. I will give you in my prayers and the best advice I can give is sit down and open up all financials on both of your sides and all assets if this is a relationship that you would like to see flourish. And that way you can grow and trust each other. Have an open heart and open mind but don't let someone keep you underneath their thumb and you got to hold those boundaries as a woman and as a person. I always say respect is earned, it's not given. I would also suggest sharing responsibilities in the home that way he can understand that it's not easy to do it all by yourself and going to work and coming home is just not a sense of providing because you must be able to provide emotionally physically and financially in order for your spouse to feel comfortable and stay in her feminine era.

@Angel his income is much, much more than mine, 3 to 4 times depending on the month. He pays for the mortgage and household bills (electric, wifi, mobiles x2, bins) roughly around 1500 a month A good portion of our bills are paid annually (car and house insurance) or quartlety (oil for boiler) so monthly, our expenses are low. We don't have credit and own our car outright. He has more left over income at the end of the month then I do.

Okay yeah I just think it’s weird that he wants you to pay more than what you’re already paying. I think those are good things to be paying for on your $1600 a month budget.

To add, it maybe wasn't the right timing, but I told him I don't mind contributing to the expenses however, he can't have his cake and eat it too. He can do his own laundry, make dinner once a week and make his own tea in the morning before work. He didn't like that at all, but I'm not going to do everything, plus pay more then I am into the household.

Yes 100% to this.

👁️👄👁️ me reading this when i make $400 a month by working for my church and spending it all on sweet treats and fun activities for me and my daughter

Honestly you need to sit down and throw everything on the table everything you pay for and do for him if he makes much more than you then it’s something else going on. I’m a FTSTHM and my fiancé never complains about paying the bills because we can’t afford daycare. You don’t deserve to get treated like this especially if you do contribute and buy your own things. If he can’t dish out the money to get something for both of y’all’s child then there needs to be a major discussion.

Honestly he shouldn’t complain about doing a little bit for himself what if you weren’t there 🤷‍♀️

I’m also so confused. He says he doesn’t know any household where the women don’t financially contribute? Like does he not know what a SAHM is? How on earth was he expecting you to pay if your dad didn’t die?

@Melanie, you're 100% correct. The whole reason we moved to his home country was because we could live off one income comfortably, have a few kids, have me stay home with them until in school, then I go back to work. I wonder if it's cultural. He's irish, I'm canadian. Do irish mummy's do everything in the house, for the kids, and still work and/or contribute to a good portion of the bills? When we were in canada, he didn't show signs of expecting this arrangement at all. We talked about it beforehand.

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