Advice Needed - Alcoholic Dad / Seeing LO
My partner (ex? - dunno) flipped off on me on Thursday once again after being confronted on his for the umpteenth time. I've left 5x before, each for longer periods. Promises are made and broken. He's disappeared for up to 5 days with no contact. He does have poor MH which has led to the drinking, no that it is any excuse.
LO is now 22 months old.
This has been going on - badly - since I was about 4 months pregnant and hasn't ever really let up. I told him when LO was a month old to go to rehab but he didn't.
Now, after I left last Thurs while he was gone put the house - no contact between us the whole time (as per usual, I did used to send messages reaching out but they're no use and my sympathy has wanned)...he's reached out this eve asking to see LO and saying he's gonna go to rehab;
"Can I see LO tomorrow pls? xxxx"
"I'm going to go to rehab to try to quit drinking once and for all"
No apologies for the drinking and the vile ways he has spoken to me. He had a MH appointment at hospital that he didn't go to today and (as far as I am aware) he avoided his MH nurses calls all day.
What do I do?
Now he's just chased me on WhatsApp asking if I got his message.
I don't know how to respond.
SS also involved.
Its a nightmare.
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Tell him you want to see proof of communication with the rehab facility before he gets to see LO. My husband went to rehab luckily before we decided to get pregnant with our first but I understand how difficult it is to go through. Sounds like he hasn't hit his rock bottom because he thinks you'll keep coming back like you always have. Use his manipulation against him and force his hand. Don't let him see LO until you have proof that he is actually going and get it in writing somehow (even a text) that says he won't get to see LO again after this visit until he has completed rehab, even then you can say they have to be supervised if you want
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I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I know exactly what you are going through I went through the same thing with my oldest and it is a nightmare. I finally left him when my daughter was 2 cause I couldn't keep doing it especially in front of her. Leaving is hard for multiple reasons. My advice is I would leave, go to court for custody that way it's easier for everyone when the LO sees who and when, child support if you want to, keep all the messages to prove he needs help and maybe the judge can order rehab as part of the custody agreement. Again I know leaving is hard and you have to do it when you are ready to say you're tired of going through all this crap and how he treats you. Just remember you're strong and it may be hard but you will get through it. I'm hear if you need to talk sometimes that helps too.