Trigger Warning: Mentions of child neglect, emotional abuse, physical threats, and CPS involvement. Please proceed with care.

Hi everyone, I’m seeking some opinions on my situation. I have pictures, screenshots of messages, recordings, and other documentation to back me up. For privacy reasons, I’m using initials to protect identities: • “SD” = My Stepdaughter • “SO” = My Significant Other (SD’s Dad) • “BM” = Birth Mom • “DB Elementary” = an elementary school in BMs area • “DW elementary” = an elementary school in our area I understand SD is only 4 years old, and I do take everything she says with a grain of salt. However, there are some things that she consistently reports, which raise significant concerns. These include her mentioning being thrown outside by BM and her being given only fruit snacks for breakfast. It’s difficult to ignore these patterns, especially when they align with other troubling behavior. Here are the key points I’d like to highlight: 1. they have 50/50 joint legal decision-making and 50/50 parenting time per court order. However, in December 2024, BM requested that the schedule be permanently changed so that SD would be with my SO and me from Wednesday mornings through Sunday evenings and again on Monday mornings to Monday evenings. BM would have SD Sunday evenings to Monday mornings and Monday evenings to Wednesday mornings. This would require me to take SD to school on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays (she doesn’t have school on Fridays), leaving BM with only Tuesdays as her day to drop her off at school. This change, though BM’s proposal, would leave me with the majority of the responsibility for getting SD to school, even though it was supposed to be a balanced custody arrangement. 2. BM unilaterally enrolled SD in a different school (DB Elementary) without consulting my SO, which was a direct violation of the court order that mandates joint decision-making. We will be taking her to court for contempt regarding this, as BM not only disregarded the court order but also completely bypassed us in the decision-making process. My SO and BM already agreed that SD would attend DW Elementary, which is the school in our district and aligned with SD’s primary address, which is listed as SO’s and my address. BM had always known about this and had never expressed any opposition to the plan. She was well aware that SD was supposed to attend DW based on our address. However, without informing us or seeking any approval, BM enrolled SD in DB Elementary. This move disregards both the court order and the arrangement we had in place. It feels like a deliberate attempt to undermine SO’s involvement in SD’s education and decisions. Now we are left to try to rectify this, and we believe we have no choice but to pursue legal action to hold BM accountable for this violation. 3. BM refused to pay for the court-ordered co-parenting app (Our Family Wizard) from October 2023 to February 2024. This app was intended to help facilitate communication and ensure transparency, but BM failed to honor this arrangement. Not only did BM fail to uphold the court order, but we were left to rely on other methods of communication. 4. BM lets SD administer her own asthma medication (Fluticasone and Albuterol), despite the fact that the box clearly states “keep out of reach of children.” This is deeply concerning, as SD is far too young to be managing her own medication, and we have found that SD has been either giving herself extra puffs or wasting doses. This raises questions about her safety, as the medication is vital for managing her asthma. My SO and I strongly feel that, given SD’s age and the nature of the medication, she should never be left in a position to self-administer it without supervision. The risk involved with her handling the inhaler alone is something we are incredibly worried about. 5. SD has reported being thrown outside by BM, and this was even shared with her teacher at school. SD’s teacher never filed a report with CPS; instead, the teacher informed BM, who then passed the information on to us. It’s heartbreaking to hear that SD, at just 4 years old, feels scared and unsafe in her own mother’s care. The fact that SD felt compelled to tell someone else, like her teacher, about what’s happening shows just how serious this is. It makes me question what else is going on that she isn’t comfortable talking about. 6. SD’s hygiene and well-being after visits with BM have raised serious concerns. On multiple occasions, SD has returned from BM’s with dirty teeth (covered in a gray film), which was not the case when she left. This suggests a lack of proper oral hygiene while in BM’s care. Furthermore, SD’s tongue has often been yellow, which we believe is a result of BM’s vitamins, and BM has shown no concern about this, even when SD is sent to school with a visibly yellow tongue. This lack of attention to SD’s basic hygiene, like brushing her teeth properly and taking proper care of her health, is troubling, especially considering SD’s young age. 7. Living conditions: Both households are one-income households, but SD has her own room and bed with us. At BM’s house, however, SD sleeps in BM’s bed. The lack of a consistent sleeping arrangement could be contributing to SD’s emotional distress, as she doesn’t have the privacy or sense of security that having her own space might provide. 8. Financial support: My SO pays for SD’s insurance (not court ordered) and 60% of anything not covered by insurance (which is court ordered), which includes medical and other related expenses. This is something my SO does without question because he wants to ensure SD’s well-being. Additionally, SD’s address for all of her doctors is listed as SO’s address, which reflects that she primarily resides with us and receives care and attention here. 9. My role as a stay-at-home bonus mom: I am a stay-at-home bonus mom by choice, and I am deeply involved in SD’s day-to-day life. I take care of her, ensure she’s safe, and make sure she gets the emotional and physical care she needs. My involvement in SD’s life is significant, and I’m here for her every day to make sure she’s healthy and happy. Additional Concerns: • After visits with BM, SD is often exhausted, emotionally distressed, and clingy. It’s been hard to watch her break down when she returns home from BM’s, and it’s been consistent. She’s reported not sleeping well and has even said things like she’s scared to sleep alone at BM’s house. There’s a marked change in her mood and behavior after spending time there, which only adds to our concern. • SD’s meals at BM’s house are incredibly concerning. She has reported only having mac and cheese, lucky charms cereal, or fruit snacks for meals, which are hardly nutritious or balanced. As a parent, I want SD to have proper meals that support her growth and development, but it’s clear that BM isn’t prioritizing this. • SD has had accidents only at BM’s house, never with us. When this happens, BM allegedly punishes SD by yelling at her or throwing her outside. This has become a recurring issue and raises serious concerns about how BM handles discipline. I’m especially worried about how these accidents are being used as a form of punishment, which could have emotional consequences for SD. • SD has also expressed fear about things like zombies outside and my SD claims that her mother is the one telling her these things. These statements are deeply troubling and show that SD may be experiencing some level of fear and confusion in BM’s home. It’s heartbreaking to know that SD is scared of the very place she should feel safe. My SO and I have been documenting everything, and after hearing so many concerning reports from SD, we are seriously considering going back to court to request full legal decision-making and primary physical custody. We are incredibly worried about her well-being in BM’s care, and we want to make sure she’s safe, healthy, and happy. Do you think this is enough to go back to court? What are your thoughts on our case? I’d really appreciate any advice, opinions, or insights.