Am I crazy?

I don't think you're crazy but with only that information, I don't think I'd jump to he's cheating.

I would just inquire about the changes to him. Like maybe they are changes in which he had you in mind.

I keep most notifications on my Lock Screen off as I don’t like my phone to be blown up by Snapchat and other social media notifications. I think a Lock Screen should be for reminders, texts and calls. But if he is giving you is phone unlocked then I don’t see it as worrisome. Do you have your wedding date planned ? Do you think he assumes that you are losing interest and maybe he is trying to impress you ? That’s my thought.

Have you asked him about these things?

Thank you all for your replies. Oh no. I hope he doesn’t think I am losing interest cause that is not the case. I try to keep things spicy. I even put on some lingerie and a bit of makeup last night. We don’t have a date. We were supposed to get married in December last year but other expenses came up. He wants to do December this year now. Just caught me off guard I guess the changes.

@Andrea I have. He gets defensive. That makes me more paranoid. Then he says he gets defensive cause of how I say things like I am attacking him. So then I ask him in a calm voice trying to avoid an argument cause I see where this is going, can you please explain how I am attacking you that you feel that you need to get defensive but then he has no answer.

Yeeeea I am NOT a suspicious person, and I would be suspicious.

I wouldn’t jump to cheating based on that. I’d think he’s seen a video or read an article about men being complacent with their partners and realised that he should have been making sure you were being sexually fulfilled etc. Or maybe he’s had a conversation with someone and decided he needs to step up. Alternatively, quarter or midlife crisis? 😂

Hmmmm. So 12 years and he just recently started going down on you? Like he never did before or it was rare?

I think it sounds suspicious, especially since he gets defensive when you ask about it

Based on everything and his defensiveness. I would be suspicious. Maybe not full on cheating but something is up.

@Brittany no never.

Idea from porn maybe? 😬

Also I feel like if the different things he’s been doing had anything to do with you he would simply say that

@Brittany I hope so. That would be better instead of what my mind went straight to.

@Ragine I hope he does. I’m just thrown off I guess.

I think your feelings are totally valid. Whether they’re right or not idk. But I would also be super confused if it didn’t happen for 12 years.

I say just keep your eyes open..

I don’t think your crazy

Since he's not given you any reason to doubt him recently then I would say maybe he's trying to change things up and spice them up after 12 years so they don't get 'boring' and to keep you interested and more attracted to him? Enjoy the change and maybe you could also change something up that you do to or for him? Obviously ALWAYS keep your eyes and ears peeled.

I don't think you're crazy, but what if the goal is just to impress you? A little bit of internet research goes a long way.. My husband and I have been together for almost 14 years and sometimes we both do off the wall things that catch us off guard. It's almost always appreciated, though. FYI, I was the cheater oh so long ago, and in recent months, I've been looking to impress him. I just want him to know how much I appreciate him after so long. 🤷‍♀️ I read a comment where you said he gets defensive and feels attacked. You can work on your I statements to try to help. When we start with you, it legit feels like a personal attack. "I'm a little worried about why your phone is so quiet, it never used to be." If he gets defensive instead of explaining it, then I would worry more, but you might just be accidentally attacking him with words.

It sounds like he has nothing to hide (willingly gives you his phone plus I would expect a cheating partner to put in less effort at home not more) I agree it’s unusual but it seems like he’s trying to improve himself and your relationship.

I don't think this is enough to suggest he's cheating. He's probably good from oral from watching porn 😅. My OH says that's how he learnt some stuff, as well as actually doing it haha. As for him wanting to dress better, I think that's just him wanting to take more pride in his appearance

I'd just be mentioning to him in conversation that you noticed these changes with him recently. And you are wondering what's brought them on. Stay positive and ask with curiosity and nicely not accusatory. Maybe his answer might surprise you? If you don't feel like he's cheating and you trust him, don't jump to that conclusion.

Hard to know exactly why he's suddenly doing these things....does he have a crush on someone? Did he watch porn? He loves you and wants to impress you? Or he's had recent conversations with his guy friends about the topic? We can only 🤔 wonder. Or just ask him why the sudden urge?

Has he always had his notifications off or just recently? I don’t have any notifications except for calls and texts but I’ve always had it that way. I’d be suspicious about the recent changes too though. And the defensiveness when confronted. Wouldn’t jump to cheating just yet but I’d be keeping a close eye on him 🧐

@MJ_xo he’s had his notifications off for a while which didn’t really stand out until I noticed these changes.

It would make me suspicious, but I'd probably just watch and see if anything else starts to seem unusual... my partner rarely ever goes down on me either and when he does he's not a master at it 😂 the matching underwear thing is interesting, have you asked him why he suddenly cares about matching? I don't see anything suspicious about the phone just from what you shared, but I do his behaviors.

what would suck is if he was genuinely just trying to better himself and got accused of cheating but i can totally see how sus it is out of the blue 😂

@Amber I asked. He gets defensive and says he gets defensive cause he feels attacked. Idk. I just really don’t want to make something out of nothing.

@Payton I really want to avoid this. But it’s also a bit weird.

i would suggest making it seem like you’re also trying to better yourself and do something you don’t normally do and say you felt a little inspired by him purely to see if he’ll slip up that way maybe? i feel like if you were able to ask the question but from a standpoint where you’re both doing something different, that he hopefully wouldn’t see it as an ‘attack’. but who knows! maybe he saw a motivational video and the motivation will die out in a few weeks or months

Nah.. I would need to sit down and ask him where he got that from after 12 years porn ain't good enough excuse for me. Bare in mind a lot of men don't even like doing that, nah, you don't just randomly wake up and want to eat kitty sorry

What if he's just trying to look nice for you? What if he wanted to show a good time to spice up the relationship? Should he question you when you dress up? Double standards

@Jessica 😂 It’s not even like that. It’s the sudden change when I know for a fact it’s something he doesn’t care for. He’s actually let it be known on more than one occasion.

If he's let it be known on more than one occasion this is not something he is into and has NEVER done that to you in 12 years and just all the sudden starts doing it and can't even give you a simple explanation that's just plain weird. Lol. Like why can't he just say cuz I want to make more of an effort to make you feel good? However someone else on here made another good point that most people who cheat don't step it up in their relationship...although it could be out of guilt or to avoid suspicion. I don't know this is a strange one and given the context I would be concerned too. Have you done anything different lately to make him step it up? What he just randomly went down on you after 12 years one night and you didn't flinch or say wth lmao Like someone else on here said you don't just randomly wake up one morning and decide you want to eat it when you never did before. Something triggered these things...just what is it and why is he so damn defensive bout it??