Hurtful words

I'm really sorry about what happened to you. Does he always react like this or was this a one off??? I would base what to do on that. If it's a pattern the best option is always to leave , people rarely change and when a man becomes this angry and starts saying this kind of thing I think it's going to stay like that unless something happens. Maybe try to talk to him when he is calm and explain how it made you feel and explain that you want gentle and firm parenting for the baby and the reasons why . Sorry I can't be of more help but if you want to talk or someone to listen you can message me

Hey mama. I’m so so sorry to hear what you had to deal with. It is UNACCEPTABLE to speak to you like that after all you go through with pregnancy & labor!!! And not only that but to do that in front of the little one. Good on you for staying calm and avoiding that. I would ask him what he means by wanting you to move back. Does he still want to be in your child’s life? Also, can your parents help you at all? It seems like he’s being cooperative at all.

@Ilaria he wasn’t like this before the baby. We honestly never argued. But now it’s like a weekly thing. There’s always something that I do that pisses him off or is annoying or something. I either talk too much or talk too little. I’m either an absolute bitch or a robot with no emotion. I’ve tried talking to him when calm and after the fact and he says that I’m being dramatic or “stop dr Phil” or that I’m too emotional and was never like this before the baby. I tell him how or what I think about parenting and he literally says I know nothing because I’ve never had kids and that my opinion means shit because of no experience.

@Kristi my weight gain (about 50lbs) seems to be a major pain point because he always says I’m a fat slob and is always insulting my body. Says I should of been back to normal by now. I tell him I’m breastfeeding and my period still hasn’t come back and that weight loss will happen when I stop but he says it’s an excuse. Other women bounce back why can’t you? Because you’re lazy. No, I don’t speak to my mother (abusive and toxic) and my dad passed away last year. He said some weird stuff today about how maybe it would be better if he left because in a few months she wouldn’t even remember him so maybe that would be better than staying an being miserable and I was like what does that mean and he changed the subject

That’s verbal abuse and saying you were being passive aggressive is also deflecting. You grew up in an abusive house. I’ve grown up in different situations. Verbal abuse, manipulation, controlling, lead to physical abuse to an extent. I’ve learnt to keep calm but I’ve also learnt my boundaries. When someone crosses my boundaries or pushes me too far I don’t shout. My tone drops, I become firm and there is no budging or changing my mind once I’ve reached my limit. Know your boundaries, what will you accept and what won’t you accept. Abuse comes in many forms. You make it clear it’s ok to disagree and to even have an argument sometimes but not I front of the child and verbal abuse will not be tolerated.

Wow get the fuck out now! There are resources to help single moms. I’m sorry but if a man ever fucking talked to me like this I would probably cold cock the mother fucker in the mouth. How dare he even say anything about your weight. This man is very dangerous in my mind. He sounds like he is beating you down and trying to discredit your thoughts about yourself from every angle. So you work? Does he handle all the money? I know you would want your child to grow up with a father but if he is willing to talk to you like that imagine how he will act when she is a teenager the things he will say to her and scar her emotionally and mentally. I gained about 30lbs in my pregnancy and while breastfeeding for 4 months I basically lost it all but maybe 10lbs but I gained it all back once I started working and got even worse while taking an antidepressant. My husband still tells me I’m beautiful and has never once made a comment about my weight. That would be the day.

@Elysha no I don’t work, SAHM. I basically control the money but his check literally is enough for rent, bills and a little extra for child stuff and maybe one or two outings a month

Coming from a mom who just barely escaped a violent relationship after 15 years - leave. If he’s insulting you like this right now it’s only going to get worse. And when it gets worse it gets much harder to leave. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

I have a friend in a similar marriage whose husband has been chipping away at her self-esteem for years. She's barely a shell of a person now (although still won't leave him). Luckily, they don't have any kids. If you control your husband's money, then maybe you can start putting aside a little bit every month so you can leave him. Create a long-term exit plan (e.g., save up X dollars by the end of the year to move you and your child closer to family, put a down payment on an apartment, etc). Meanwhile, start thinking about future job prospects or certification/training programs that could help you get a job in the future. Have a short-term exit plan, too, just in case. This may involve staying at a friend's home temporarily or even worse case scenario at a woman's shelter if he becomes violent for some reason.

Honey between your post and your comments on your post, these are all HUGE red flags. He is already being emotionally and mentally abusive. You need to leave before it could potentially become physical. If you stay your daughter will grow up thinking it's okay for her partner to treat her this way. You need to set a good example for her of what it means to be a strong, independent woman. Tell any family and friends you have what is going on. They need to know the truth so they can help you. Imagine this, once your daughter is grown up, you would be begging her to leave if she was with a guy like him.

He’s unstable and unsafe to be around 💔 https://docs.google.com/document/d/14I3lGpEQa-pLl9Lz0JW1PoNyyOwg6WOom_oK2NMBxy8/mobilebasic?

Why do you wanna move forward with THAT?

It will get worse, speaking from experience, my daughter is 3 now and I'm so sorry she has witnessed what she has... nothing will make up the time or the injuries

Wow he sounds horrible. Please find a way out. Your state should have resources and help for abuse victims. Easier said than done though

Too those saying to leave it’s not an option. I have zero money and zero help. I can’t go anywhere (no friends or family near by) I want our marriage to work and I don’t understand why he’s like this now because for 10 years he wasn’t.

Yea I understand from a financial aspect as well why leaving isn’t an option. But I would definitely focus on myself and my child for a while because you need to at least protect your self and your sanity. Try to make connections with others so you don’t isolate yourself either. He probably is treating you like this because he thinks he can get away with it.

I refuse to put my child in daycare or have someone else watch her so I need a job I can do from home so I can be with her. Then I could probably save up, but I’ve been applying to stuff for a year and never get called back- usually get the over qualified response or keep applying maybe next time

I had zero money. Chronic pain that makes it difficult to work. There are support networks that can help you. It’s hard at first but honestly in the end you will find yourself in a better place. I would set the boundaries and make it clear that verbal abuse is not ok. Then see how things go, if it carries on or escalates then don’t do that to your child

Today was another huge blowup. I’m mentally exhausted and don’t know what to do or say.

You need to contact your family and let them know what’s happening. I know they live far away but support even at a distance will be helpful. You need to try and record the things he says if you can. It’s starting to sound like a slippery slope. Is there anyway you could start working part time? Try and save some money without him knowing about it. Try and get in touch with a network that helps women in situations like this. Find support without him knowing. Give yourself options so that if the day comes you need/ are ready to leave then you can. Save as much evidence of his behaviour as possible