in September 2023 Babies 🇺🇸

Hiding in closet during tantrum = mom fail?

My 19-month old sometimes tantrums to the point of kicking me and pulling my hair. When she ends up getting physical or unconsolable, I sometimes end up closing myself into my closet for space, as she continues to tantrum right outside the closet door (she typically still stays safe/doesn’t do anything dangerous, just continues to tantrum and attempts to open the door). After some minutes with me keeping the door closed, I ask her through the closed door if she’s “ready” or “sorry” or “ready to be nice” or if she wants a hug, and when she responds (typically in a much calmer way by then), I let her in and we hug and cuddle and apologize to each other. At first, I did so to give us space, and to allow myself some time to calm and regulate. But I’m also wondering if I’m being too harsh or causing emotional trauma to her by doing so in that particular way. Am I being a crappy mom? If so, what are your better alternatives?

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my older sister has a lot of resentment bc my mom would do this a lot growing up she would lock herself in her room while my sister would be outside just banging on her door wanting attention n it just resulted in a further meltdown. I was always kinda always on the back burner watching everything happen and would just go to my room n be alone but now that we are older n talk about the trauma this is something my sister always brings up that she wishes my mom would just have hugged her or just been present during what she was feeling at the end of the day we are the adults here yes it’s normal to get overstimulated n need space but you would be surprised how much a hug when your LO is having a meltdown or trying to talk it out helps! We should help them work through their feelings instead of running away from them IMO. There’s times where my LO throws a tantrum and I’ll walk away from it & she’ll get up and stop but if I see she’s really upset I’ll pick her up and try to make it right

As far as the hitting my LO was like this but her dad has helped tremendously in disciplining her because he doesn’t play that. We don’t hit her or yell at her but he does talk to her firm. You have to nip it in the butt it has got way better Me on the other hand I’m way too soft and wouldn’t know how to deal w that alone so I’m glad he can stand on business.

@Esme That’s the thing though—I typically try to explain things to her or try to give her hugs or other offering other alternatives to the things she wanted (if she’s tantrumming because she wants something I can’t provide at the moment) first; the closet thing is something I sometimes do when those options didn’t work (hence me mentioning that I do it during times when she is getting physically aggressive or being unconsolable). So that’s the tricky part. I do try hug and cuddle with her afterwards when we’re both calm though.

You’re not a crappy mom but she’s more overwhelmed than you.. she’s probably feeling emotions of abandonment when you leave her, try reassuring her and calm yourself down first; children can sense your heightened emotions.

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