Is it my ADHD or that my partner's an asshole

I struggle so hard with tidying, I'm on the NHS waiting list for ADHD but could be on it for years. My struggling is ruining my relationship, my partner thinks I'm lazy and not doing it deliberately, he says "I know it's the ADHD but you just need to get into routines, and stop saying "that doesn't work for me" because you won't even try" even though I know I can't keep routine at all. He expects me to keep the house clean and tidy because I work from home, so I'm home all day. I work from home, whilst watching our 1.5 year old. He doesn't under at all that I simply cannot clean in that time! He works part time about 30 hours a week and defaults to playing his computer games on his afternoons off instead of doing housework unless I specifically tell him what to do. I am so broken, so depressed, at the moment I can barely bring myself to eat. My toddler wants for nothing but that's all I have energy for. Yesterday, during the same row over and over he said "why don't you just get done adderal and see if that helps!" like I can just ask for it and decided not to. I tried to explain that's not how it works, you need a diagnosis and you can't just ask and get. He still made it seem like I'm just not trying hard enough. I don't know how to keep my head above water here. The house isn't dirty, just messy but I'm drowning under the piles of clean laundry to sort etc. I've asked him to go stay at his dad's house to get away from it all but he says I'm not chucking him out of his house and no-one is leaving. He calls me emotionally abuse because I cry a lot and he says its manipulative and yesterday when bought that he confessed the day before that he'd stopped cleaning the kitchen "to see how bad it would get" he laughed in my face and called me narcissistic for bringing that up and using his words against him.

Show your support

If he has time to sit on the computer after work, he has time to help you clean, doesn’t matter if he works from home or not. Work is work and you both share the house work. He sounds like the narcissist not you. If you need support then he should be there giving it, not being an ass. ADHD is hard to deal with, but not impossible to deal with, but having a partner like what you described will only make it more difficult. Please talk to him and tell him to be respectful and supportive or I’d look at leaving if he can’t, belittling you is so wrong.

wtf! This sounds toxic 💔 ADHD or not, it doesn’t seem relevant. How many hours do you work? How many hours do you look after your child? Make a roster. Write in your working hours and his. Write in as an additional column your child care hours. (I mean including the ones where you’re supposed to be working) Then write in his independent childcare hours. (Without you present) Write in your joint childcare hours. Write in your chores hours. Write in his. Add it up and ask him why he’s not being an equal partner in your relationship. Sorry mama; hope this gets better for you.

I'm sorry 😔 coming from someone also on the NHS waiting list for an ADHD diagnosis I see you ❤️ My partner and I have had issues similar to this historically, he's a very tidy person and thought for a while that I was just going out of my way to be unhelpful. The biggest game changer for me has been him coming to understand that I do likely have ADHD, I'm not doing it on purpose and I'm doing my best. Just knowing he understands that takes some of the guilt and the shame that I feel away and I actually find that without this weighing me down I actually find it a little easier to get things done. He understands better now how my brain works and so the best ways to work with me rather than against me. It's not perfect, I still experience paralysis and executive distinction often but it comes with less shame and guilt now and I can't tell you what a difference that makes. It's him that needs to do some work, not you my lovely xx

Just by working while watching a 1,5 year old you're doing so much more work than him working 30h in peace 😮‍💨 don't feel bad about yourself you know you're not doing it on purpose. He should put in some effort and research about ADHD. Or maybe go out and get you that appointment that he thinks is so easy to get. Keep your head up!!

Yes he's definitely being an ass.I,personally would not have the patience to listen to a guy tell me what I need to be doing on top of what I am doing Already🙄 You are who you are! ADHD or not he should love all parts of you..If I were you, the next time he mentions the cleanliness of your Shared Space(that he also lives in) Ask him when was the last time he picked up a broom or mop or did dishes,dusted,clean the bathroom or HELP OUT WITH ANYTHING IN THE HOUSEHOLD!?🤔 Listen,since he's so concerned about routines.Routinly have a weekly family meeting to rotate&evenly split the house chores.Tell him YOU ARE NOT apologizing for doing the best you can while working from home & tending to our child.However, I am very overwhelmed & you aren't in sync w/my needs & You're not pulling Your Fair Share.We are two adults & what's NOT GOING TO HAPPEN..Is: It All Fall On Me To Do! We'll acknowledge our strengths&weaknesses but from now on we are going to be on the same page.(Your voice must be loving&firm but don't yell)

Personally let me just say It's a combination of both and he is seriously an awful person. Secondly, if you are comfortable with this please message me. I would say I would like to say in this comment but since commenting Incognito is not an option I would rather speak by messaging.

I'm going through the same with my partner and I pay for everything he not even supportive during my pregnancy I am so depressed 😞

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