I'm not interested in sex. So I should just divorce my husband because I'm not interested. Or I should make myself interested or give him a free pass to go cheat with somebody else ?
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None of the above. I’d be wanting to find the root reason for why I’m not interested, and working on that. Rather than just giving up and divorcing or allowing him to cheat.
Why TF would you want to stay married if you're not prepared to have a proper relationship? That's actually selfish on YOUR part. It's so not fair to expect this of him. Set him free to find someone who what's a full relationship, not just a friendship!
I would try couples therapy or sex therapy
@Rebecca why does sex have to be a part of " a proper relationship " everything else is good.
Sex needs to be a part if BOTH people want it. That said, you cannot sustain a relationship where one wants sex and the other does not. You shouldn't have to compromise on that.
If you don’t want to figure out why you feel this way and you don’t want a divorce maybe explore an open relationship. You could set boundaries, and make for a healthier scenario than him cheating. If that’s not an option either I’d probably go for divorce
Why don’t you trust him with your body? How long you been together?
Do you want to be interested in sex? Or it’s just completely off the table for you?
@Hashana The million dollar question he has been cheating with other women for a while and I don't know who he has been with. He says hes not doing it anymore. He also keeps money from me, there's alot of distrust other than that we have a good time and family.
@Brittany Not really I'm fine without it
Based on your other comments above, I don’t know how you would make this work or why you would want to. Especially if he’s been cheating.
How do you intend on making yourself interested
What does it mean to you when you say “we have a good time and family” do you feel like the way he’s illustrating love and commitment to you is how you want your littles to experience love and commitment? Your kids will learn from and model the behavior they see and the example of love that they’re taught from an early age. If you’re ok with your son or daughter being ok with being “cheated on” or having sexual partners outside of their otherwise committed relationship then you have to do what you feel is right for them and for you. I always go back to the question of if my daughter was in this relationship would I counsel her to stay in it or to find someone who loves and appreciates her for who she is, treats her kindly, respects her needs and wants and supports her the way she wants to be supported. Wishing you the best, relationships are hard, especially when you throw in children.
I mean, women can have sex without wanting to 🤷
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Sounds like you don’t want to end it? So therapy? Sounds like professionals are needed if this is the case.
Tbh I would probably sit down with him and maybe a counselor to really figure out what you want. Sex isn't needed to have a good relationship but there needs to be open and honest communication from both sides to figure out boundaries as well as to figure out if you should stay married. As cheesey as it sounds I recommend making a pros and cons list and really do a deep dive into your feelings and relationship.
It sounds like you fell out of love, this happened to me in my last relationship, I didn't want to have sex with him anymore and I was even thinking of other women I could hook him up with so he wouldn't be so sad if I left. That's how I knew I was done with that relationship
@Erica we have a fun time out with our child and we're friendly I listen to him he listens to me we're respectful
I don’t understand. He cheats, hides money, no trust but other than that we are fine?! I don’t understand how that is fine 🫤
@Zaza maybe I'm in delusion because other than that I really feel like our family is good. I guess he's a good Dad but not husband.
If he has been cheating then yeah divorce. But if you have a good relationship just not sex, then I think you can stick it out. Can you do other sexual things? Or he has a hand! Buy him a sex toy or something.
It sounds like you’ve become more like friends and you’ve settled into your circumstances because it feels easier to do that than the alternative of uprooting your life and relationship but honestly I think you’re unhappy, the relationship sounds very broken but it does sound like you’ll be able to coparent well together and work it out financially etc. I think you shouldn’t settle and call it a day on your marriage, it sounds like you’ll both be happier for it in the long run!
It sounds like you’re good friends more than anything from your additional comments, which is fine. I kind of get wanting to stay married cause things work out as far as being a good team for your child. Not wanting to separate the family. I’d say that’s fine if he wasn’t with other women. The other woman part is where it gets tricky because if he falls for another girl it’s gunna complicate things a lot and you’re gunna wind up divorced/with a separated family anyway.
I would definitely divorce unless you are actually open to an open relationship. Based on everything you have said, though, I'd divorce.
Are you asexual or is this a new thing with a deeper reason? Both are valid, just curious. If you're not comfortable with him being with others but sex is a requirement for him, you're better off divorcing and not forcing yourself to have sex.
Sex is important in a relationship because it’s the emotional connection that is important. Why would you want to stay married to someone who is cheating on you? What do either of you get out of this?
@Cassie not every relationship. Some couples don't have sex at all and are very healthy. Not everyone has a libido
I see the easy simple answer. Let me tell you why…you should divorce. YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN YOU ARE SAYING YOU ARE! Respect! If you love him, and he is already free to do as he wishes and does it already. Divorce! You continue to protect and take care of yourself♥️ Don’t let the situation drag you in your hole. Get out of that hole. Get out of your comfort zone! That hole is not good mentally. You going to ruin your mental health. Go be happy! Don’t stay in that situation. Break ups is never easy for either party but he is going to continue and think it’s ok to keep doing it. You are allowing him to get away with it. You are rewarding him for his behaviors. Heck sounds like my situation but mines different.. we broke up.. I don’t give it to him.. he gets it outside but I been working on getting myself together.. so get it together if you haven’t already and get out!
You already sound tapped out. May be best to go
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Not everyone can relate but I can and I understand not wanting to leave. I personally make myself interested. I have offered to give him a pass but he has refused it.
@Tiffany i was here to the say the same thing. I libdo SUCKS after my second child that I had back to back. Because of that are sex life kinda sucks. BUT IF HE REALLY WANTS IT I’LL DEFINITELY GIVE HIM SOME GOOD SIDE BOOTY! lol
@Star I disagree. Not that it needs to be done a lot or anything and I definitely have long dry spells but it should be a part of it in my opinion
@Cassie you can't disagree with a fact, sorry to say. Some people are asexual, some experience too much pain during sex, and some people are paralyzed and get no pleasure from it. I'm none of the above, but I have full faith my relationship would be fine if we never had sex again.
@Star I also don’t only mean sex. Just that you should be intimate in some type of way. And yes I can still disagree lol. You don’t know that these people’s relationships are good by the way, just because they tell you that. We don’t know all the facts 😊
@Cassie maybe let's not be homophobic and uneducated?
If you're not having sex then you're friends, not lovers, which isn't the point of being in a relationship. It sounds to me like you want to stay married because you don't want the shame of a divorce, money and to keep up appearances. All are stupid reasons to stay married to someone you don't trust. You're delusional if you think this will work long term.
@Star how was she being homophobic?? While I don’t completely agree with Cassie, she did not say anything homophobic. You can politely disagree without resorting to petty name calling.
@Rachel disregarding the fact asexuals can be healthy and happy is homophobic. It's not petty name calling, it's calling it how I see it
@Rachel Thanks Rachel! I agree with your statement lol. I won’t fight with internet people about nothing. I wish you all a wonderful day!
@Rebecca agree girl!
Sounds like you just want a companionship.
None of the above 😅 are you just not interested in HIM or just it in general? There can be things to be fixed before a divorce . However what's the reason TO STAY together
No you need a divorce girl. You don't care if he cheats, don't care about him and don't want sex. You don't trust him with your body. To me, it's pretty clear you shouldn't be together. If you had the desire to save the marriage, there's options. But it doesn't sound like that's a want at all (which is fine).