Husband issues

Is it abusive for a husband to break a plate out of anger? I was trying to argue without yelling and get my point across tonight and he started talking over the top of me and swore and started yelling and when I asked him to stop he bared his teeth in anger and put the knife down so hard he broke a plate. All because I'd said he should give me a sleep in every once in a while. He admittedly gets up at 430 3 days a week for work but I feed our daughter overnight and get up with her at 7 every single day and he hasn't given me a sleep in in over a year. He argued that because I choose to have her go to bed too early (she goes to bed between 8 and 830 and she's 2 years old) it's my fault she gets up so early so I dont get a sleep in. While we are at it, is that fair? But I has said that she's only young so she should be going to bed earlier as it's better for her he said that it doesn't matter what time she sleeps as long as she sleeps a certain amount of hours. I'd argued that the time someone does sleep actually does matter and gave the example that people who do night shift their whole lives do live shorter lives. Well that's when he started talking over me getting very angry. I asked him to go outside to calm down. I want to ask him to sleep in the spare room tonight but I'm worried he will get nasty. Last time I asked him to get out because he was too angry he took our daughter outside with him despite her crying for me and it gave me so much anxiety and i had to repeatedly ask for her back. I'm scared he will take her away to distress me. She's a mummy's girl and despite that, in the past, when he's been awful he's said he will sleep in the spare room if she sleeps in there with him but i couldnt get him to otherwise. Yet she feeds overnight and won't go to him then. He acts like nothing happened after these things happen and for some reason he tries to be all cuddly with me not too long after and snaps if I move away. Is this normal? please be kind

Show your support

Yes that is definitely abusive. Every part of that story is abuse you need to get your daughter away from him asap

That is not healthy at all. I'm sorry you are going through that! Please seek help. Do you have anywhere you and your daughter could go if you don't feel safe asking him to leave? X

This isn’t normal at all. I understand every couple have their arguments but he should not feel ok showing that level of aggression to you during a disagreement. I suggest during his cuddly time, plan to go somewhere public like a park (because he cannot retaliate in the same way in a public space) and discuss the same matter in a more calm and collected manner. Express your concerns for the way he reacted to you last night and it cannot happen again regardless how angry he gets. He needs to get his act together.

P.s I hope you are ok

This all so horrible... 💔 I hope you find peace for you and your daughter xx.

So many red flags. This is a very bad situation and you should look for help/help getting out

Please leave it will only get worse

Looks like underline he has some issues he needs to work on.. maybe try and get some help for him. It’s not about what you arguing about it’s them being stressed about something else that makes them this way and underneath the issue is different. Does he not like waking up at night or find it difficult? Is he generally good most of the time with you and the daughter?

Yes it can absolutely be a form of intimidation or emotional abuse, especially when it happens during an argument where you’re already feeling unsafe or overwhelmed. Breaking things, yelling, swearing, and making sharp, aggressive gestures (like slamming a knife) are not normal or acceptable ways to handle conflict. It doesn’t matter if the object was “just a plate” it’s the message it sends: “I’m losing control, and you’d better back down.” Him taking your daughter outside when you ask for space? That’s deeply concerning. Using your child to emotionally punish you especially when she’s crying for you is manipulative. She’s not a tool to win arguments or a comfort blanket for him to use. If he uses her to distress you or regain control, that’s a red flag. Your fear is valid. Why does he act like nothing happened and get cuddly?This is also common in abusive patterns. It’s called love bombing or reconnection behavior a way to smooth over the harm without ever apologizing or changing.

If he snaps when you pull away, that’s another way of saying you don’t get to have emotional boundaries. Is this normal? No. It might be common in toxic or abusive dynamics, but it’s not normal or healthy. You’re not crazy. You’re not overreacting. You are tired, emotionally worn down, and probably trying to protect your daughter and your own sanity at the same time. And that’s a heavy load to carry alone.

You deserve a partner who respects your voice, honors your exhaustion, and protects your peace. Not someone who breaks things, weaponizes your child, and makes you feel small or afraid.

I am so sorry, this is deeply concerning. I understand rage, I have it - but not to a point where I wanted to break something. It’s something I have to be very aware of. What he’s doing seems manipulative and emotionally abusive, it may or may not become something physical but sounds like it can escalate and mess with you even more mentally, if this is how comfortable he is expressing himself. I hope you find the strength and solution to sort out a safe space for you and your child.

I pray thing will get better for you and that you find clarity I’ve been in a DV relationship and it will only get better he sounds controlling and obviously has a lot of anger issues just be careful with your daughter when he’s angry and tries to keep her from you if he knows that’s the only way to hurt u you never know what he will do to her just out of spite. Seek help call the DV hotline and ask ur questions they will protect you and even relocate you if they see fit. God bless you.

Him breaking a plate isn’t abusive, but it’s also not a healthy response. If you don’t want to be sleeping next to him and worry about his response, I’d just say “I’m not feeling well and don’t want to get you sick, do you want to sleep in the spare room, or would you like me to?”. Is he open to working on his reactions and communication? If not, it might be time to consider what’s healthiest for you and your daughter. ❤️ Side note: Your daughter is sleeping at good times for her age, although she shouldn’t be feeding overnight anymore at 2 years old, so personally I’d look into weening her off the night feed so you can get proper sleep.

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌