Annoying mom problems

So my mom insisted on coming into town for two weeks to be present for when my daughter was born and help out. My mom has never really been motherly, and since I moved out of state she never contacts me unless she has something to complain about, so I didn’t know what to expect but I still welcomed the help. So she comes and the week she came I was supposed to give birth, but I ended up giving birth a week late so she only got to spend a week with baby. The first week she caused nothing but drama, drove up my anxiety by constantly asking me if I’m having signs of labor every 10 minutes, and when i had contractions and even when I went into labor, she literally just sat there watching me in pain saying nothing and doing nothing to help calm me down. I only found out later that she told my partner that’s his job. I didn’t even want her in the room when I went into labor because she just either complained about the staff the whole time, kept talking about how she didn’t have all the stuff I had back in her day, or complained about being old (in her 50’s btw) but alas she was there. She also wouldn’t help with the baby in the hospital because she said that was our job, so I was trying to figure out why the hell she even came. Then when we got back home and my partner and I sorted out the shifts we would take, she said she felt like she wasn’t needed and like she should go home early. So to make her feel better I gave her tasks such as watching the baby for an hour or holding her while we had to do other things or burping her after feedings. Now (after she’s left) my brother is saying that she felt a type of way when she was here because she felt left out and how she’s been having dreams about this being her “last days.” I feel like my siblings are always expecting me to take care of her since I have the least resentment towards her (youngest sibling problems), and I do because she guilt trips me a lot, but now that I have a whole child to take care of I can’t be bothered with her drama. Should I just bite my tongue and be there for her or let things get better on their own?

Show your support

Do not be a people pleaser or feel you have to go out of your way to make others feel better when they do nothing but bring you down and cause you stress that you so clearly do not need as it could cause pp depression etc. let her and them be focus on your and your family that you have created everyone else is irrelevant at this point in time if they have hurt feelings then let them be hurt cut them all off if you have too live in peace not misery which is what they want you to be MISERABLE let them see you can and have been fine without them and their unnecessary bs drama it’s her own fault she felt “left out” she only wanted to be there to see the baby but not help since it was “you and your partners job” like hello your the parents she offered help which she clearly didn’t do nor wanted to do I’m sorry you had to deal with that learn to forgive but not forget and keep your distance from them all seems they only wanna be around when they want or expect something in return.

Hey Mama, I had a similar situation to yours and I have learned during and after my pregnancy that my mom is not my problem. She is a grown woman that knows how to take care of herself. She cannot expect me to leave everything, my family to fulfill her needs. It’s your time to be a mom and your child needs you. You should not bite your tongue. And you should not stress yourself at this moment. Your baby senses your worries your anxiety your stress. So whatever stresses your cut off. I did the same.

Honestly having a baby changes the mental. At least it definitely did for me!! I noticed how toxic my mom was and made sure she wasn’t around when I gave birth or even when I first came home with the baby. She didn’t ask me if I was okay or how I was doing just tried to make me feel bad because she wasn’t the first person I contacted after birth and I honestly didn’t contact anyone until I was settled after the whole experience. Even now she tries to make me feel bad because I don’t sent her pictures. (I don’t because I don’t trust her not to post them) but the fact every time I talk to her it’s negative and she’s done so many things to make me not trust her I have been keeping as if we talk we talk but I’m not gonna put more energy than her. More so after having my own kid!! The love I have for him I couldn’t see myself acting the way she does and there’s nothing saying I have to accept her behavior

@Araka yea I realized that I tend to do more for others than they do for me, but I guess I always felt obligated to do that since she was my mom. Being a mom now, I realize that I would never want my girl to feel responsible for my feelings, so I’m leaving her alone and I’ll let her figure out what kind of mom she wants to be

@Ayla I agree i feel like she felt my stress. I get scared of cutting them off because I don’t want to be alone,but I definitely have to distance myself for awhile until she gets herself sorted out

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