My child and I are zero compatible

What do you mean deal with her? Maybe if the type discipline isn’t working just change it up? Find a common ground you can both do that you like. Painting? Colouring? Role play? Some kind of activity. Most children are loud and messy, I think that just comes with being little xx

How old is your child?

@Emilie She's always up to something. Whether it's writing on the walls, jumping from dangerous places, making huge messes. It's exhausting dealing with her and all of this. She can never sit still and play, draw, etc. I can't leave her alone for a minute or two since she gets into something. I've talked to her, tried to explain, used time out and none seem to work.

@Sarah🦄 2 yrs and 9 months

She literally sounds like a typical 2 year old child!!

Go outside. As long as she is not destroying someone property she should be allowed to do anything she wants. Let her get dirty, let her run and jump and climb. Climbing somewhere dangerous? Be there to catch her. She sounds like a kid

Sounds like a typical 2 year old She’s not trying to get into trouble and misbehave. This is exploration for them. They have no understanding of the world and telling a child that young once or twice isn’t going to stick. They actually do need the constant reminders, redirection, etc..they don’t have great memories… it’s not that they are ignoring you to misbehave…. They literally don’t have a great memory or understanding capable of being able to always behave exactly the way you want. And impulse control isn’t learned yet either. It sounds like you had expectations of your child that aren’t realistic and you are having trouble coping with it. All three of my children were like that and it is exhausting but they need teaching not punishment.

My son is 2 as of February and is a wild one for sure. I’m outside any chance I get. He loves to climb and dig in dirt He loves to paint, color, and build with blocks and puzzles Sounds like a typical 2 year old to me or maybe she’s bored. Find some sensory play

Make those things inaccessible to her. Have set places where messier activities can take place. We have special mat we use on our table and that’s the only place my son can color or use playdoh. A two year old isn’t a “trouble maker” because that implies some sort of nefarious intent to her actions. She’s a toddler. Try to identify why mess is so triggering to you because that might help. No one thinks you should live in a pigsty bit some amount of mess is inevitable with children. Could you work on some organization stuff so that at least everything has a logical place to be stored? Also it’s ok to just not allow some types of toys. I know some people hate playdoh and they simply don’t have it in their house.

Just hose her off good towel wrap her, and put her directly into bath time then snack etc. always keeping her little butt busy till she passes out! She’s going to be a DOer in life which is fantastic. All you’re doing is guiding her. Xo

This sounds like any other normal 2-3 year old, you aren’t completely opposite, you are just an adult and they are a toddler. It will really help to adjust your expectations here, a 2 year old will be messy, loud and never sit still. You have to give them outlets, lots of outside time, walks, park, balance bike, sand pit, etc. And if you are trying to get something done then don’t expect them to sit still and do nothing on their own the entire time, you have to involve them too, give them jobs, make it fun, talk about what you are doing.

@Christina🤱🏼🍂☕️♈️ that is what I meant by troublemaker, that she's wild. Yesterday she went outside with her aunt and came back in covered from head to toe with dirt. In less than 10 minutes. Then the other day we put her on time out sitting down on the stairs and she found a marker and drew on the wall. Today, I left her peeling her eggs and went into the kitchen in a matter of a few minutes and she had an egg mask on both her arms. I'm exhausted and it all feels like too much. Especially since I'm pregnant and have always dealt with sensory issues when it comes to messes.

I don’t like the words you are using. Would suggest strongly this is a “you” problem, not your child. Keep her busy and active, maybe some therapy or podcasts etc for yourself

I say this with kindness but I think adjusting your expectations may help. Leaving a two year old alone to peel eggs is almost certainly going to end up with some type of silly something happening. Control what you can control. If she gets dirty outside a lot, keep complete changes of clothes accessible right inside your front door. Keep a couple towels and hand wipes, etc. at easy reach. Time out really isn’t effective, especially for a toddler who isn’t going to actually learn anything from it. I’m pretty confident the vast majority of toddlers, sent to sit on the steps doing nothing, would draw on the wall if they found a marker.

That’s not a troublemaker. That’s a 2 year old. My husband’s nephew is a troublemaker at 16. She just wants attention it seems like. Keep her busy with sensory play or do weighted play. Have her help with chores Seek therapy for your own mental needs and help her through her through her development Writing on the walls is a typical toddler thing to do if unsupervised. My son did it with crayon once while I was cooking breakfast Shit happens. They don’t know any better I can’t imagine never letting my son explore and get dirty and call him a troublemaker from having fun. That’s so sad

she’s a child.

I a little bit understand what you mean as I am a very calm person. I have ADD and like to take things slow. My daughter is the opposite and seems like my son is about to be too - but that's just because they're toddlers! My mum always tells me I was so calm at my daughters age and that she is nothing like me. But seeing the joy on her face when she's jumping through puddles, drawing all over herself and throwing all the pillows on the ground etc makes my heart melt. She's so energetic and creative! So her personality is a bit different from mine, but that is fine - she's her own person just like she should be 🥰

This is a you issue and literally sounds like you don’t like your child the way you describe them. They are a child. My daughter and her dad went out the other day in the rain and she came in soaked but she had fun. why would I be mad at that? You chose to be a parent children are gonna be messy using the excuse of you not being able to handle it just seems like you really need therapy this isn’t on your child. There is nothing to fix for them. They should be able to be a kid and make messes. Stop leaving your kid alone with eggs and if you put them in time out sit with them and talk about why they are in time out. A 2 year old isn’t going to sit for time out you have to sit with them. They also can’t sit long than the age they are. A 2 year old isn’t gonna sit longer than 2 minutes and shouldn’t be in time out longer than that. 🤷‍♀️

And not sure if this is helpful but I am also disabled (low mobility), so when my energetic daughter is running about I LITERALLY struggle to keep up. What we do is we talk. I talk to her constantly and she's so smart for her age. She seems to have picked up mummy is different and she's started to listen when I ask her to wait etc. I don't stop her from doing anything unless it's harmful, so when I tell her to wait she waits. She doesn't get told of at every little thing so when I do tell her something she seems to understand it's for her own good or because mamma needs her help. She's about to turn 2.

Maybe husband can step in and let the child get dirty, be wild and be a kid. She is at the age where they need sensory play. My kids are outside, dirty, playing in dog water, chasing chickens kids. They have the time of their life when they’re dirty and if they need to go in one bath two bath, even three baths a day, so be it.

Sounds like a normal 2 year old 😅

Wow, read some more of your replies. Sounds like you would be happy if she was in a bubble 😵‍💫

I get that this is exhausting. Yet she is exploring. A kid is made to be dirty ad messy and exploring. Your expectations are not reasonable and I really would seak therapy as you gonna soon have 2 kids and it's gone be even worse. It's a you problem.

@Hanna-Sofia I have hypothyroidism, so I get the not being able to keep up with her. Plus I'm also 6 months pregnant 🤰

Idk the more I read your post idk what to say. I think the way it's written puts all the blame on your daughter when she's just being a kid. Exploring, creativity etc are good traits. Be proud of that part of her personality. I'm gonna assume here you've just been fed up at the time you wrote your post and that it wasn't meant to be so harsh on your daughter and you genuinely is just asking for advice to keep up with an energetic kid when low on energy. What do you usually do together? Is it just the two of you most days? Does you husband help when he gets in?

Oh boy, it sounds like you’ll enjoy motherhood once out of the toddlerhood trenches. For the now, learning about childhood development & unpacking your own hang ups will likely be very helpful. (Books like “hunt gather parent”, “the whole brain child” are great) And provide outlets for the undesired behaviors. Set up an art station maybe get an easel so drawing feels similar to writing on a wall. Set up crash pads / spots near the areas that she tries to jump from so when jumping recklessly happens you can redirect it to a safe space. Kids that jump around and seemingly never stop are seeking sensory input if you can find a compromise between what they are trying to do & what would be safe & appropriate for the space they are in, it won’t feel like a battle.

OP I get it. I had 2 under 2 and the messes, overstimulation, the constant noise, the constant energy is fucking exhausting. There were days when I wanted to run away. But it’s weird you say you’re not “compatible” like you’re going on a date or something. This is your child who is acting like a perfectly normal child. I agree with some others above. Therapy might be needed in this situation.

I had my second very early too so I understand the toll of pregnancy, disability and a toddler! Do you have anyone you can turn to? Like just an afternoon here and there? I was lucky to have my mum and brother nearby so they'd take my daughter on walks while I was pregnant. She'd come home dirty ofc but also happy and settled 😅

I have autoimmune disorders too and can’t physically keep up with my toddler some days due to not physically being able to get out of bed but I do it. I wanted my son more than anything else in this world and I make it work for him! Blow bubbles. Fill the sink up and play “sink or float” with items. You just want to sit with your excuses and blame your child for being a child who obviously needs more needs met that you’re holding her back from

@Hanna-Sofia I reread what I wrote and yes, now I see it sounds horrible. I was venting and upset when writing. I'm a stay at home mom with low energy and she's super active, so I feel like I can't keep up with her. Thinking about enrolling her in preschool at 3 years old, so she can play with kids her age and get some energy out while learning. My husband works a lot, but it's definitely a lot better when he's here as he does help. My family is out of the picture as they live in another country. His family lives an hour away, so that's also hard. So its just the three of us.

I have Hereditary Multiple Osteochondroma - it brings chronic pain and low mobility. And as I'm sure you are aware pain usually also leads to chronic fatigue. Having a toddler while disabled is not easy at all, and I can imagine hypothyroidism also makes pregnancy hard. Feel free to message if you want someone to talk too, maybe we have a lot in common! Just remember the toddlers aren't to blame, but I can understand the feeling of defeat when it seems their energy never runs out when yours did hours ago 😅 I had my daughter abroad too haha (UK)! Pregnancy was so hard on me with my second me and my husband moved back to my home country so I would have support. So I get it 😅

I’m kind of grossed out at the fact that you’re calling her 2yo a “troublemaker”. She’s not a troublemaker she’s 2. She’s acting like a normal 2yo. And you continuously speaking negatively about your literal toddler child is not only programming your brain to have a negative association with your own baby but you’re also going to create a complex within her where she is insecure and not close to you because she doesn’t feel comfortable around you. You had a kid. Messes are part of the package, jumping off of things part of the package, drawing on walls is part of the package. I understand being frustrated at times because I am 100% a type A person, 35wks pregnant with a 28mo old boy but also like maybe you need to find a really good therapist to have conversations about this with. You have to learn to let it go and let them be their own people or you will be continue to be miserable & hate motherhood. I’m not trying to be rude or disrespectful. It’s just the truth.

@Emilie we discipline through talking to her and explaining things. Occasionally time out when she bites, hits, etc. We (husband and I) are against punishing her and hitting her. We do find common grounds to interact. It's just her high energy drains me when I'm running low.

Be careful not to look at her personality as something that needs to be compatible with yours. You owe the baby, not the other way around.

She's a toddler. Adjust your expectations!

Your child did not ask to form a relationship with you. YOU chose to be this child’s mother, what do you mean you and your child are “zero compatible “

You can't expect to leave a 2 year old alone in the kitchen to peel eggs and not expect chaos. During lockdown my 3 year old was playing in the living room whilst I was in the kitchen and it got a bit too quiet. Found out she had found some toddler scissors and cut her own hair. 😂🙈

My little boy is always up to mischief his 2 next week, he is such a cheeky boy but also his a toddler they are messy, sticky and just plain feral sometimes 😂 best thing I find is to find a gated park or a big field and let him run free burn off some energy, toddlers are hard work, my daughter wasn’t as energetic but she still had her toddler ways she is 8 now and I miss her being so little and I know I will feel the same with my son so just trying to soak these days up as I will miss them at some point even if they are stressful ! X

I think all mums can agree our children drain us sometimes when we are low on energy. But they are just children at the end of the day and it’s normal for them to behave that ways. Look those attributes she has as positives. Like my daughter for example, she’s always been super sassy. She has an attitude and an opinion and isn’t afraid to voice it (she’s 4 but she’s been like this since she could talk) is it hard work sometimes? Yes it’s exhausting BUT I choose to look at it like this: she knows her own mind and I love knowing one day she won’t be afraid to put some loser guy in his place because I’ve decided that it isn’t a personality trait I need to control or squash I just need to help her direct it in the right way. Your daughter is high energy? That’s amazing, get her in some activities that involve sport, go outside, ride bikes etc. let her use those traits etc etc

@Minna she wasn't in the kitchen, she was on the dinning table and I left her with two eggs to peel. Went to cut her up some cherry tomatoes and in the few minutes, chaos.

Your daughter is just being a kid but as someone with sensory issues I struggle bad with uncontrolled messes. I see a therapist weekly to learn coping mechanisms and I urge you to try that.

Hang in there. It’s completely normal to struggle with particular phases. Maybe try a therapist to help identify strategies to change your mindset

Regardless of where she was, I would expect chaos if I left my two year old alone to peel eggs.

I understand. Love and accept her no matter what.

Your child is acting age appropriate I’m Not sure you are though. Children are loud and messy that is how they learn and explore in this worlds it’s quite literally apart of their job description and you aren’t helping the situation leaving her unsupervised ANY child unsupervised for even 5 seconds can and will cause chaos. I think you need to do some work on yourself and your expectations, Maggie dent is a great author I suggest maybe looking at some of her work

How about negotiating with her… that’s what I do with my toddler, can’t win, won’t join him, so negotiation it is… we both win 🤭

Sounds like a toddler to me! Lol

‘Have to deal with her’ 😩🫠 from reading your comments i was think she was like 8 and should know better - she is a toddler, this is normal. I feel like i’m missing something here, what do you expect her to be like? She hasn’t got the mental development to be actively malicious, she sounds like she needs more stimulation and may be acting out of need for more attention. If this helps, i play with my son, i get into stuff with him, i give him [safe] jobs that he can help with to help him explore and investigate things. We make a mess and then we clear it up together, it’s fun to embrace this side and to provide learning opportunities whilst also bonding. Children need stimulation! I also find if you feel like you are having to over explain or discipline her, the chances are you are, it becomes less impactful, discipline should be used for teaching not expecting her to understand right off the bat. Being a toddler parent requires an enormous amount of patience. Do you have support?

When I first read this post I thought your daughter is 20 and you’re 40, she’s only 2? Come on now. Let’s be realistic. How did you even allow yourself to get pregnant again if you can’t even handle your first child? Kids are no jokes man! Have them when you really want them and when you’re ready to clean up their mess and all that comes with it…how on earth can you compare how clean you are and how dirty your daughter is who does not even know anything? I’m with everyone that’s saying you’re the problem, not the child.

It sounds like your child is developmentally normal for their age and you have unrealistic expectations. Like why is she being left alone with markers? Why does she have unsupervised access to dangerous places she can climb up? A two year old not wanting sit still and wanting to make messes is normal. What are some ways you let her get this energy out?