Need advice… my sister sucks!

I need advice on what to say to my sister because I know how she will react if I just be honest, even if I’m being polite. Like I have to tip toe around her feelings, especially cause I’m in the bridal party and it’s her wedding so it’s what she wants but I feel very wronged in this situation. A few months ago, we had the hard conversation of me possibly not being able to make her bachelorette party. It depended on so many factors like when and where and how much it would cost cause everyone would have to pay their own… she was so upset with me that she was crying and didn’t talk to me for about a week because it was so important that I be there and I just needed to make it happen. Which is why I had that talk, cause if it was super important that I be there, I needed her to be willing to work with me and consider the factors because she doesn’t have the same responsibilities that I have so she can take off whenever and go wherever and not worry that much about money... Her rent is like 500 cause she rents their apartment from her in laws, they make more money than we do because of their jobs, she doesn’t have any kids, and the list continues… well yesterday on my way to our lunch for her birthday, I called her to give her an ETA so we could arrive at the same time. She told me she wanted to talk about the party. She decided they wanted to spend a 4day weekend in South Padre in an AirBnB… and then said “I know you might not be able to make it so we can all just go out to dinner afterwards that way you are still included”… Like wtf… are you kidding me… you were so mad at me for bringing up the possibility of not being able to go depending on what you decided to do and then went ahead and chose something you know I can’t do… and offer to have a girls dinner to make sure I’m not left out. Fuck right off… If she wasn’t my sister and important to me, I would just drop out of the bridal party because it feels so fucking inconsiderate given the previous conversation…

Show your support

I feel like you’re over reacting. You want her to accommodate your needs and you communicated that you would not be able to go months in advance. So she seems to still want to include you in some way by doing a dinner together.

@Shasta normally I would be like “oh yeah I’m probably over reacting here” but given the fact that she was mad at me for almost a week and didn’t speak to me because I brought up the issue of not being able to attend depending on the factor and she replied with “well it’s just really important to me the you be there so do everything you can” (and this was all before she even chose a destination or had any idea of what she wanted to do) and then turned around and chose something she knew I couldn’t attend after getting mad me and going silent for just asking her to work with my accommodations if it’s really that important that I be there. Given those things, I do not feel like I’m overreacting in this situation.

Hmm, this is a tough one because I’m not in this situation. However, maybe she had some time to think? It is for her so her choosing where to go, she can’t always accommodate everyone. You know your sister but going based on the information you have given us it doesn’t sound like she purposely chose a place so you can’t come, if that was the case I don’t think she would’ve offered going out to eat. Me and my friends do that, if they plan something they know I can’t attend we just decide to do something else together. I don’t see anything wrong with that. Also, I do think it sucks that she didn’t talk to you for a week but also during that time she probably reflected on everything. Idk. Hopefully this doesn’t cause an issue between you two.

Could you attend 2 of the 4 days? Could she help out with part of the $ or your parents could pitch in so you can attend?

I’ve been thinking about what you said regarding the bachelorette trip. I want to be honest, but I also want to keep the peace. When we had that conversation months ago, I brought up my situation because I genuinely wanted to be there and I needed you to understand what it would take for me to make it work with the kids, my schedule, and finances. You were so upset at just the thought of me possibly not being there that I took that really seriously. That’s why it hit me hard when you planned something that you know I likely can’t do, and then offered a dinner afterwards as a way to include me. I get that it’s your big moment and you deserve to celebrate the way you want, but from my end, it felt like my life circumstances weren’t truly considered, even after I tried to be open and honest with you from the beginning.I love you and want to support you through everything, but I also want to feel like I’m genuinely included not just given a backup option. That’s all I wanted to say

@Tatiana we have different dads and are not speaking to our mother (due to drug use) so unfortunately there is no one I can ask for financial help and her in law are paying for her portion of the trip as is most of the wedding as well. Unfortunately I can not even afford to make the 10 hour drive to south padre let alone my share of the Airbnb or festivities during the trip plus having to leave my 2 yr old son and asking my husband to also change his work schedule to be able to stay home with him while I’m gone. so it is not possible for me to attend

So just explain to her the same thing you just told me. She should already be aware of your finances.Its ok to take two steps back from anyone and any toxic situation. Sometimes family can be a bit irrational and it's ok to have boundaries.

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌