Am I married to a narc or am I really at fault

So I am genuinely doubting my.reality and if im being gaslit and need opinions. I feel I am right till I speak to him and he convinces me I have some blame. My husband has massive argumentative reaction sometimes over little things I've said and then tries to convince me that I am to blame and I need to apologise to him or says I've flown off the handle or I'm having a go etc. In reality I think he is extremely sensitive to feeling wrong and sees everything as a criticism. Examples This morning I said babe that's way too much jam on our son's toast and he responded with blah blah blah. I said don't say blah blah(he does this all time when I express something he doesn't like). He immediatel started shouting at me that I was so critical and having a go flying off handle and had ruined the day. Tried to explain why I was annoyed he said blah blah and he ends up getting me to apologise for criticising him saging im such a xritical person. (For saying there was too much jam on his toast wtf) whilst his apology when I ask for one is I'm sorry you're so upset. Similar thing happened the other day when I said he had bad morning breath. Said I was so critical etc. Surely we can have a laugh about such things at 5 yrs married and he keeps saying it's not a joke not funny etc. And went in a huff fir entire day demanding an apology for how awful I am to him. Meanwhile he calls me tubs and tubarella and tells me to get off my fat ass and do it myself sometimes when I ask him to bring me a drink etc. Genuinely all in jest but cant take it back when I say he has bad breath. One time he went off on me because I asked him to close the door to stop the Heat getting out whilst he unloaded the shopping. He goes into a rage shouting at me saying how stupid I am that I can't see he has his hands full of shopping so cant close the door. Again he tried to convince me I am in the wrong for asking him to close the door a d doesn't own his reaction was disproportionate. Another time I literally asked if the baby was sleeping twice (because the second time I thought he may have fallen back to sleep) and for some reason he went off at mw about this and again when I called him on it he gets angry and tried to make me seem the bad guy for asking stupid questions and csnt admit he over reacted. Everything we try to talk about it and sort it he ends up saying we both have things we need to work on with communication and demands me to acknowledge what my part in things is usually to take blame for why he has flown off the handle. He just cant ever take accountability and own that he has over reacted to stuff. He never gives a genuine heartfelt apology. Best I get is sorry you're ao upset but not how I intended etc. And I've been trying to be amicable and sort stuff out by acknowledging my part in annoying him even apologised for saying the jam thinf which seems crazy but sometimes I just csnt tell what will set him off and it can ruin a whole day or weekend even. Constantly picking my battles and tredding on eggshells but feel I sometimes can't predict a blow up. Even the big stuff he csnt hear me about. He's literally injecting himself with testosterone he got from some online company and I said I'm.worried and don't want him doing it. He just keeps saying I didn't say that at the time we first discussed a d it's approved by a doctor etc and gets angry at me whenever I bring it up so I feel I cant cause I just don't get anywhere. I feel I'm so right in feeling these things are unjust but every time we argue he spends ages trying to convince me how I'm in the wrong and need to apologise. I've told him he is gaslighting me and I want to leave if he csnt take accountability and apologise. When he does apologise its I'm sorry you're upset and I've explained so many times that it's not a real apology. He does t get it. He has even shouted at our baby when he's crying and when I confronted him about it he says I don't need a lecture at 2 am Brought it up next day then he says blah blah blah..no accountability remorse or apology. Dismisses my concerns till I drop it. If I really try to drive point home he says I'm fixated on past and can't let stuff go. 3.5 weeks in he was off to play golf every day and I was at home with baby all week Brought it up and he says I'm controlling not letting him have an hour to himself etc. On other hand he can be nice thoughtful and good around house and tells me he loves me all time etc so I feel so confused. Is he a Narc?!

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I feel he is but also feel it could be from the drugs he is injecting himself with. How was he to u b4 he started? If he was the same then yes he’s a narcissist if he wasn’t then it could be related to that

I can relate to a lot of your post. Feel free to msg me

@Vanessa he was exactly the same before irony is he says the drugs are to make him less irritable. Hasn't made a blind bit of difference

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. He is narcissistic and abusive, and considering you've tried talking to him about the gaslighting etc and got nowhere, I honestly think you need to get out. You deserve better, you'll be better off on your own where you won't have the constant uncertainty and walking on eggshells. Your baby will be better off too, because they deserve to be raised in a household without friction and shouting and unpredictable anger. If he's already shouted at your baby just for being a baby, how will he act going forward as the baby grows up?x

@Beth yeah thats what I am most worried about to be honest. Like when he actually starts misbehaving what will he be like and if we are together I can at least protect my kid whereas if we split he will be on his own with him half the time. He genuinely is a good father but think his anger could become an issue later on when he grows.

Oh sweetie, but you can't sacrifice yourself like that for your child. And also, as much as you will give it your all to protect him, you can't protect him from everything. This is coming from someone whose mom and two older siblings all tried to protect me from my dad's anger and unpredictability, but I still saw a lot of it, because the thing about it is you don't know when it's gonna happen, and you just can't be on guard all the time. If you were able to leave, I don't think it has to be the case that he'd have him 50% of the time either. If you're the primary caregiver and he works, you're the one that it makes sense for him to live with, and then he can have him at the weekends? Also having that distance might mean that his anger doesn't come to the front as much. But you could also ask for help from a domestic abuse charity because they see this stuff a lot and will be able to give the best advice xx

He’s a narcissist hunny please get out soon

okay this is gonna rile someone up but i do not care because i think it’s such a valuable resource for victims. Plug EVERYTHING into chatgpt, texts, interactions, ask it to honestly evaluate your behaviors or reactions, be vulnerable and open!

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