Should I intervene if my sister in law is forcing her children to eat? (Can lead to eating disorders)

I think this depends on whether your sister in law will take this as the loving concern it is meant to be or whether she could take it as criticism and then get angry either way you. Knowing how likely she is to take it well or badly would decide my vote. I’d probably go for an informal/casual mention of how damaging it can be to force feed kids and perhaps ask her what she thinks about it. Don’t perhaps say what she’s doing isn’t great, but casually mention bits and bobs about it and try and have a casual discussion x

@Ani an opportunity came up a few weeks ago when they asked how my kid is with food and I said oh we take a gentle approach and not force her because it can actually lead to xyz in the future. But it clearly didn’t fully register. I don’t want to cause arguments but I do care about those girls and it feels like it’s just getting worse and worse.

I'd probably buy a book/find an insta page whatever is he preferred media and have it at the ready and wait for her to complain about mealtimes and then step in with "oh I know this great blah blah ill send it to you" but going in with unsolicited advice may make things difficult

@Natacia great idea about the article and sending it when it’s happening, thank you.

I'd definitely say something to her when you two are alone, no children present either. And hopefully when she's having a good day and will be of an open mind. I'd rather say something than years down the line share how I knew what they were doing was wrong but by then the children had already paid the price. Even if she gets angry/mad, I feel like it's still worth it. If you're sure you know what you're talking about, and you have a degree and have tested that out on your own child, I feel like you should share your knowledge and be a helpful presence in all their lives. The consequences can be too grave to think about how upset someone will be over one well-intentioned conversation. I would stop at one conversation though, they are her children at the end of the day and it will always be her decision what she'll prioritise xx

Really depends on how she saying it. I don't "force" my son to finish his plate or try his vegetables. He usually doesn't have an issue with the taste but started to don't like green stuff in his plate as at nursery they don't force then, so he sees other kids not eating things and replicate at home. If he is really full, of course I leave it but most of the time he is acting out and end up finishing his plate happily once we push him a bit

You can find a gentle way to bring it up. It’s worth a try. Since she asked how your kid is, you can say, “this worked for me” and send a very informative article.

Id bring it up, but in a helpful way. I fully understand what youre saying. My mum used to make me eat food i didnt like growing up, lead to me having eating problems, flushing food in toilet, starving myself, hiding food etc & now, 3 children myself, i wouldnt make them finish their meal if theyre full, or it they dont like it, the damage that can do is something thats overlooked alot

Do you have the type of relationship where you share social media posts? What if you shared something with her from a food account you like? Because she already brought up the topic with you asking what you do, i feel like it wouldn’t be out of line to share a resource you found helpful and frame it as such.

Don’t say anything. But when you have the opportunity to do meal times with your nieces and nephews as they grow up, then do what you feel is right (taking them out to dinner, having them over at your house, etc.). They will be positively impacted by your influence. I grew up being forced to eat foods that would even make me vomit. I would be punished for not clearing my plate my entire childhood. I swore I’d never do the same to my children because of the struggles I face with food today. But my daughter who is 2 years old is in the 0th percentile and desperately needs to gain weight. I have to force her to eat for the sake of her development. While I’ll never punish my little girl for not eating, our meal times don’t look very graceful. I’ve gotten negative feedback by my in-laws for the way we handle meal times but it’s truly nobody else’s business. All of us moms are just doing the best we can, and until you see some real abuse, stay out of it.

I think it will be hard because, in her case, it may not only be about knowing what she is doing is counterproductive. She needs to manage her own anxiety around it. Try recommending her a food therapist. Sometimes people are more likely to take advice from people who are not family or friends.

I would 100% say something. It’s harmful behaviour to the child so not saying anything seems really wrong. Just find a way of communicating and educating that you know she will be receptive to.

No

I don't know your situation but if that was me I would 100% intervene. My stepdad used to force me and it's ruined me as an adult... I don't eat ANYTHING I don't like because I was forced to eat everything I didn't as a child. One time I even threw up because I disliked the food so much, but I was so scared I swallowed it back up to not get in trouble... it didn't work because it just make me throw up again even more 🤦🏼‍♀️ Now I have a choice, I choose not to eat anything, I just eat the same foods all the time because that's all I like