Marriage

Hey hun, this kind of shit happens to the best of us, it’s a lot to deal with for all of you involved and I’m sorry you’re feeling this way! How has he been generally since you had your baby? Reason I ask is because a lot of dads struggle with PPD without even realising this is what it is. I would pick a time where you can sit and have a chat with him, be really open and honest and explain how his reaction makes you feel in that moment and just check in on him too, tell him what you would prefer for him to do instead and just allow an open discussion. I’m sure he feels just as guilty after he does it but doesn’t bring it up. Take it from there and see how it goes, we too had our struggles at first but having regular chats and check-ins really helped us understand each other better and reminded us we are on the same team. It’s never perfect but it strengthened our bond again which we did initially lose due to the transition of having our LG x

Maybe ask him to get therapy for the sake of your family it is hard but your lo will pick up on the tension etc. and want to eliminate this as soon as possible

This is abuse…

@Emily No, it isn't! Not everything is abuse!

There’s quite a few conflicting factors which need to be taken into account, for example: - Your husband gets annoyed when the baby cries excessively, ok, that’s understandable & even normal because crying babies can cause stress. 👎🏼 However, the moaning, swearing & punching furniture is a big no no 🚩 - He’s involved when the baby is happy, 👎🏼 But you’re still doing everything 99% of the time.. What’s he even doing then if he can’t stand the crying? Is he helping with housework, shopping, cooking etc? If not, he’s purposely picking & choosing what he wants to do & when because you’re the default parent.

Also, postnatal depression in men is statistically affecting 1 in 10 men & should not be suggested lightly as it can be serious. So, yes it is a possibility, the following need to be taking into consideration whether they apply & when to seek support: - Feeling sad and hopeless. - Constant exhaustion or numbness. - Not wanting to do anything. - Feeling unable to cope. - Feeling guilty for not being happy or for not coping. - Worrying that you don’t love your baby enough. - Being easily irritated. - Crying or wanting to cry more than usual. - Not wanting to eat or being unable to eat. - Binge eating. - Finding it difficult to sleep. - Lack of interest in your partner and/or baby. - Anxiety and/or panic attacks. - Finding it difficult to make decisions. - Having worrying thoughts about harming yourself or your baby. - Thinking about death.

Personally, as someone who’s dealt with ppd in men first-hand, your husband doesn’t show the symptoms of it. He just sounds like he can’t handle the extra responsibilities & wants to tap out whenever because you’re letting him.

When this happens i ask if he’d like 5 minutes to go have a breather while i have a baby and have explained to him that him bring stressy too definitely won’t help the baby settle if anything make it worse. Sometimes he will take the 5 minutes and come back calmer and willing to help and other times he’ll just stop moaning there and then and apologise. It’s easy to get caught up in emotions and get overwhelmed but sometimes you just need a gentle reminder that showing this in front of the baby won’t help the situation. And because i now approach this calmly (don’t get me wrong before i used to mad at him for acting this way) he now feels better to step in when i seem im struggling xx

Practical tip: loop earplugs, or even wax ones

You just need to expect the crying. It’s always going to happen for year. No reason to get upset over it every time. The calmer you stay the easier your baby will calm down

@Emily no it isn't, not everything is abuse! This is just frustration

So this sounds like PPD specifically Post Partum Rage, it's something that I struggled with when my first was that age, crying set me into a fit of rage and while I'd never dream of hurting him, he'd be in his cot upstairs and I'd go downstairs and throw shit, I broke the baby monitor and once I smashed a plate, stuff I'd never dream of doing before having a baby or after coming out the other side. People are so quick to judge when they know nothing about the situation or what having PPD does to your brain. Bottom line is, he needs help, if you're in the UK get him to make a GP appointment asap. He needs to get his anger under control because as much as it is explained by PPD, it is not excused. Some coping methods I found was making sure baby is in a safe space (his cot) and getting in the shower, putting earplugs in, listening to music, basically anything to drown out the crying, I'd do it long enough for the anger to go away (usually 5-10 mins) and I'd go back in with a much calmer head. All the best❤️

Also just to add, try and empathise with him as much as you can, my partner didn't understand and gave me a hard time about it and then the exact same thing happened to him with our second, he apologised so much for how he was with me because now he understood that I couldn't help it. All these people who say shit like it's abuse (it's definitely not) have no idea that one day it could be them, no matter how much they say I would never etc etc, mental health disorders don't care if you say that shit🫶