Rude or not Rude?

Marriage is literally sticking by each other’s side through thick and thin.

His comments were very disrespectful & rude & insensitive! You have every right to feel upset about the things he said . And also it’s upsetting when he said he won’t be taking care of you when you gain weight when you get older . I mean basically that’s what he was saying in a nut shell. He’s a disrespectful man, & he cares nothing about your feelings at all ! I would rethink this marriage.

I don’t find it to be rude It’s just a man’s way of expressing concern I “nagged” at my husband for years to take care of his health. Then it got to the point his job intervened. He’s bitter and pissed off by it but if he would have listened to me ages ago, he wouldn’t have had to have his job intervene. I’m glad they did though honestly Then it took having my son for him to finally care too. That shit hurts more.

@Christina🤱🏼🍂☕️♈️ I get where you're coming from, and that's exactly why I'm asking I'm not sure if it's rude or not. I've seen how, in some marriages, couples encourage each other to stay healthy, even if it sometimes comes off as annoying or pushy. What bothers me isn’t the fact that you're trying to motivate me it's how you're doing it. Saying something like, 'Because I told you so, I won’t take care of you' doesn’t feel like support. That’s not motivation, that’s just hurtful. If you really want to push me, please find a better, more respectful way because this way feels rude and unkind.

@Elizabeth this made me laugh HILARIOUS

I mean I told my husband to get his shit together because I’m not wasting time in the ER again 🤷🏼‍♀️ But now that we have a child I definitely won’t be. I couldn’t lol It depends on your relationship I guess. I’ve been with my husband since I was in HS so for us, we just have that sarcasm and crude humor towards each other on some things

@Jan LOL I’m waiting for my moment to come actually. If he is sick or something happens I will be like “Remember the day May 7, 2025 you told me you not taking care of me well honey call you mother to take care of you right now because I can’t do it. I have to take care of myself.

@Zena I understand!

I’m sorry your partner is making you feel unsupported. Doesn’t sound like you have what you need you to feel like you can take care of yourself in that way. My toddler wants me and only me all the time and that really limits the time I take for just me.

Just to be clear I’m saying that it was rude and he shouldn’t be saying he would neglect you. That’s why I left the comment not to tell you stick by him but that he was being an asshole. You all are partners and a partner doesn’t think like that!

Its unfortunate the conversation made a turn for the worst. I think the first sentence was him showing some concern and then sounds like some pent up feelings of frustration , exhaustion and unsaid things came up and took over and it turned out being about who would or wouldn't take care of the other. He needs to be more understanding of your position and all that you do, offer support and a hand to make things easier for you.

The exercise comment is way off mark. He didn't read the room and said something that came off as insensitive and uncaring. Nevertheless is there also room to explore whether he's expressing something that could benefit from wider reflection. Are you getting sufficient 'you time' amongst the many important things you do?. Do you have 'space for me' time? Are you able to keep up a regular weekly activity that's purely for your personal enjoyment? Call his bluff and take it as an opportunity for him to look after the kids and Cook so you can have your moment

@Zena doesn't mean you got to take his crap cause he's your husband

If he isn't going to take care of you when you're old, shouldn't you find someone who will? Also, if he were doing 50% of the housework and child care, you'd have the energy to walk. If he is really concerned, he'd do more.

I think he probably could have reacted to your reaction better, but I don't think it started out as rude. It seems like he's just worried about your health. I get on my partner about his health all the time (I'm a nurse) and tell him that I'm not spending more time in a hospital than I already do just because he wants to make bad choices with his health. Of course we both know I would take care of him if something were to happen, but that doesn't mean I'm going to let him make bad health decisions and just silently watch while he does it.

I don’t think he was rude. Why didn’t you use the opportunity to get him doing more allowing you some time for yourself. My response would be : ok Saturday morning your getting up with baby I’m going to do something

Yes because for them staying at home is like (you’re doing nothing) they don’t see the house is clean, the food on the table and a happy baby. Not everyone like the gym or be active in that sort of way but doesn’t mean you are not an active person.

I don’t find it rude, he’s looking out for you health and wants you to be healthier for the sake of the kids, him, and yourself, but that last sentence of his was a bit uncalled for and hurtful I agree. He mentions the gym? Okay, ask him to hand over the money for a gym membership and you go to the gym 2-3* a week but you don’t have to GYM. Use the pool, the spa, the sauna. Have a coffee and flick a magazine for 2hrs 😂 my gf has a gym membership and she goes every other day but she’s not actually, gyming lol she’s just utilising that as an excuse for a break. If he wants you to “gym” I’d say back okay gimme the money for a membership I’m going tmr 👌🏼👍 then he’ll get off your back no? And you’ll get the break you so desperately deserves. Who’s to know what you actually do or don’t do at the “gym” 🤷🏻‍♀️

I see both sides, he could have approached it better but he is right that staying active helps your health in many ways as you age. His way of saying it was rude though. Even (and especially) low impact stuff like gardening and tai chi have been shown to help maintain muscle and flexibility in old age.

I’m a firm believer that everyone has 1 hour a day to work out. Nobody wants to. But he’s right. Did he deliver it well, no.

It honestly depends on whether or not he should be concerned. Are you fit? Healthy? If so, rude. If not, imagine if roles were reversed and you were worried about his health.

Men don’t use their words properly. Either way I don’t like it. My guy does that too. And I’m like if I wanna lay around and do nothing I will. If you don’t like it somebody else will. We’re not married tho. So it’s different.

@Pris I agree! My response was to him saying he wouldn’t be there for her in old age if she didn’t take care of her health. The message wasn’t to her at all. That’s why I said what I said. I realized after the poster said “I understand “ that she also thought I was referring to her and that my message was too vague.

@Shore I think that part that’s rude is mostly him saying he won’t be there for her if she needs him at old age. I don’t see nothing wrong with him wanting her to be healthy. It’s how he’s basically threatened to neglect her.

Omg, I have an idea for you... 'ive been thinking about what you said and I'm going to start by going to the gym once a week.' leave house for 2 hours to go to the gym, let him take care of the baby and literally have some time to yourself to do NOTHING 🤣

Obviously don't actually go to the gym... I'd be happy in my car scrolling my phone for a couple of hours or, just meet a friend

@Sophie I see women at the gym sitting on the equipment on their phones all of the time. If that helps them, I'm all for it. I couldn't even get away from my controlling exes to get out of the house to get to the gym, so kudos to them.

@Zena That's the alarming part

I don’t think his comment was rude, but it turned into an argument. I’m a SAHM and do all the cooking, shopping, cleaning and childcare and I also hate the gym. But I use the elliptical for 15 minutes and weights for 15 minutes, five days a week because I want to be healthy. I want longevity and to keep up with my child. I want to look healthy and attractive to my husband. It also makes me feel so much better mentally. You have time to exercise, you just have to prioritize it. If you really hate the gym you can also dance in the living room, or push the stroller around the block.

As a sahm.. #1 worried about your body is very RUDE #2 you are productive and that in itself is work.. you are moving you are still burning some fat. It’s still a sedentary lifestyle. You get busy cleaning every tiny mess your kids make. No breaks, no sitting down. You constantly cleaning. Cleaning same spots over again. -should I go on? I’m a sahm and have three so you be busy ALL day no sitting down. Unless you leave it alone so you can make time for other shenanigans. Not everyone has the same routine so not everyone has the same strict schedule.

Damn the "I won't be the one taking care of you" is what got me honestly. That's messed up.

My husband was VERY overweight. In my head his overeating was hurting me and my son. He had to change and he did. Maybe he’s so worried because she’s actually on a health decline and it’s frustrating.

I don’t think he meant to be rude but I definitely see how rude you can feel it to be !! He seems more worried about your health and trying to make you realize that, but he just doesn’t realize how much you do… Tell him you are right I need to take care more of my health, can we work on a schedule to help me to do so ? Then let him take care of the houscores , cooking and the baby sometimes Maybe the best would be to leave at all for 1day let him do everything without help so that he can finally realize how much work you do.. I don’t even know how are you managing with work from home 😲 you are a queen btw !!

Hahahaha guarantee your day is more full of physical work than his. Taking care of young kids is hard work like I literally am physically exhausted at the end of the day.