Has anyone stayed with a partner that physically abused them and made it work?

There’s something seriously broken in a person to cross the line of physical harm to their significant other there’s no fixing that “for hours” was no laps of control” he hurt you on purpose you did the right thing leaving sounds like he’s love bombing you it’s a nasty cycle

Leave ASAP. This is definitely not ok.

He's improving temporarily so you'll stay. He'll slip back into the same habits. Get out before it gets worse.

It'll get worse my ex did...kept going back and finally one day left. So much happier now

I'd say leave as well. I don't think these men can change. I left my ex as soon as it started and I could leave (I needed a few months to save enough money etc) and it's the best decision I've made even though I had two small children and no family support nearby. I am now in a healthy loving relationship with a man I trust 100% that would not even raise his voice ever. You deserve better!!! ❤️🫂

I think it’s rare for abusers to change, but not impossible, and not without professional intervention to address the underlying beliefs and attitudes driving that behaviour. I think you’ve done the right thing by leaving. If he really wants to change then he needs to seek help outside of your relationship. Actions speak louder than words and he will say anything to keep you, so don’t be blinded by that x

As a social worker who sees this often, leave. People who are capable of physically abusing you never change. It’s all manipulation.

@Natalie love bombing I believe is a term to describe such behaviour. Op see it like this, he is showing you all along he had control of his behaviour.

Please don’t stay.

They will NOT change, please leave!!!

Please leave!!!!! I went out with a guy who had a habit of putting his hands around my throat. Then the relationship ended because he went to prison not because of me but because of something else. 5 years later I bump into him and he seemed very nice. He asked me out and I thought he had changed because he seemed so different. I thought him being in prison changed him. But Nope!!! I went on the date and on the date he put his hands around my throat and held it tighter than ever. This was 5 Years later. It shows you that abusers never change no matter what kind of help they have been given.

Girl, I don’t know how to say this nicely so I’m just gonna go ahead and say it: the very title of your post is ALL kinds of fucked-up. (Excuse my French). It’s genuinely upsetting to see someone frame abuse as something to potentially “make work.” Abuse isn't a relationship problem - it's a safety issue. Staying and trying to fix it isn’t just unrealistic, it’s DANGEROUS. You deserve love that doesn’t hurt you. X

I feel like change is very temporary in an abusive person. They might be on the best behavior for a few months until ypu calm down and start letting them back in and then they just go back to their old ways

I did 13 years of it, Trust me when I say he will never change, he's shown u the person he is! He'll be on best behaviour until he feels like he's got u where he wants u then he'll go back to it. I left when he put me in hospital (that's how I found out I was pregnant) I got a restraining order and never looked back, I was not having any child of mine around that behaviour or seeing that behaviour! I've been free 3.5 years now and I'm finally loving life

They play a part, they act as if they’ve changed, then bam it’ll come out of nowhere and you’ll be in a harsher place than you are now. You’ll slowly put your guard down and think everything’s back to normal then it won’t be. Many women don’t survive these types of relationships so I really hope you leave x

Leave and if you choose work on it from afar. It's easy to play nice during good times, the ultimate test are the challenges. He needs to seek therapy, anger management because if it's so easy to switch off now, why was it never done before?

They don't!! Is it mood related for him? Anyway there are no excuses and no amount of sorry. Even he says he is a good boy now but thats just a facade and often short lived. Take your steps, get counselling and be happy

I believe he’s “changing” to manipulate you into staying. He could and probably will snap back to how he was in a situation he feels is out of his control. This is typical of abusers, you threaten to leave, they get nice and promise not to do it. But they do typically do it again. My abuser did this too. I’ll tell you what someone told me that shook me up a bit, it won’t end but if it does end you might not be around. The abuse ending for a lot of women means death has occurred. But it could end by you leaving. I don’t mean to scare you but the reality is women in DV relationships are more likely to die from the hands of their abusers.

Once physical abuse has entered a relationship, it only EVER gets worse. Margin of error? Death, basically. He’s acting like a new person, note the word ‘acting’ because that’s what he’s doing. Pretending to play the role of “Mr Nice Guy” because he knows what’s on the line. Free sex, free childcare, free cook and cleaner. If he loses you, that means he has to put on a new act for longer and lure in his next victim. And that shit is exhausting to someone who is faking their personality 24/7. Abusive men, NEVER change. If you ever start to feel sorry for him or want to get back together remember how you felt when he beat you for hours and all the other times he hurt you. Don’t end up as another statistic of the 3 women who are killed WEEKLY by their partners or exes.

He is temporarily keeping himself in check so you change your mind and then he’ll go back to exactly who he’s always been. As they say, when someone shows you who they are, believe them. My ex started with small acts of aggression, grabbing my arm, pushing me, scaring me, etc and I stayed. You know where we ended up? He held me hostage for a month and nearly killed me by smashing my head repeatedly into the toilet. I only escaped because I tried to kill myself and for 2 minutes he got so mad he told me to get the hell out and I ran for my life. People don’t change who they are. They cover it for exactly as long as they need and that’s it.

Please leave, he won't change. I'm a spiritual therapist and I tried everything even bringing God into our marriage. He won't xhange unless he sees the need to. Its a cycle. I have left 3 times and only been back 7/8 months from this last time and I'm miserable because I see the old him creeping in. He is not physical anymore but when my 20 yr old son confronted him about the abuse. He replied I won't keep getting hit. I promise you I only hit him after he puts me in a wrestling move or corners me in a locked room and breaks things around me. He won't ever hit me he does all the things that make me hit him so he can retaliate and say it's self defense. He grabs hard and leaves bruises with how hard he grabs me.

I worked in a DV department. It’s common that the physically abusive partner try to behave better or pretend to behave better to stay with their partner and get back into their old ways. Be careful if you want to give him a chance.