I don't know what to do

Recently, he's been going on about BJ's, I have a horrific gag reflex. He claims he has never been happy, says I am the worst sex he's ever had. We've been married for 9 years, and he's cheated on me. I knew something was off, and one night this old scrawny hag showed up at my house asking if I knew this person. I felt like a part of me died that day. He is very distant these days (seems to go through cycles), and he has accused me of doing things with married men. I have tried to tell him I would never do that because I know the pain of such a thing! I would leave if that's what I wanted. Just recently, he turned down a job without even discussing it with me. He very rarely says thank you, sorry, I get like I meant to do it!!!! He says he loves me more than he has ever loved. He has increased his alcohol consumption over the last 6 months. Been saying nasty things to me. Pushed me away the other night and said What is that supposed to mean. You see, I asked him to come show me how much he loves me. He rolled over, went to sleep, and I stewed about it. I said you are pushing me to leave. His response do what you have to do! I have a pen ready to go!!! I have depleted my over 2kk worth of savings by spending it on his kids, him and us. I keep on thinking things will get better and I do love him 😢.