Advice coparenting/partner stuff

It doesn’t seem like this is going to be the last “first” that you and your bd are in close proximity. You need to have a real conversation with your partner

You're going to be coparenting for a while... the new partner needs to get on board or get cut loose. It sounds like you know the outcome already. Choose your peace.

Oh this is so tough and I’m sorry you’re in this position but it does sound like he will make coparenting much harder moving forward. It is ok to miss out on things occasionally, but there are a lot of things your child is going to need/want both parents for for the rest of your son’s life.

Personally partner needs to get with the program or get lost If you and bd aren’t fucking around I don’t understand the issue a great coparenting relationship is beautiful and what people strive for There will be a future partner that wants the same for you That knows what they signed up for dating a single parent and joining a blended family It’s nice to be loved on and choose yourself but this seems like a pink flag and anything that’s got a tinge of red is… well … red This seems like something you’ll look at in retrospect and be like damn… why wasn’t this way more of a glaring issue then because I can totally tell that this is an issue and foreshadowing now

Great answer, @Asha !

Go to Disney !! You got this. Have fun and leave the drama in the dust, that's what co parenting should be about. Let the partner be somebody else's drama if they can't see it for how it is. I know it's not easy but having someone who is support will be a world of difference. Don't let someone stand in between you and your decisions, they should respect you.

I would invite my partner too:)

I would invite my partner but they won’t get along or be around each other :(

They don’t get along because of who? Which party has tried to make an effort and which party has been hostile?

Neither of them; bd or partner will be around each other or anything. I’ve told them they have things in common etc and they could get along and Eveyone could show up and show love to my child but they won’t put aside shit and prioritize my child.

Oh… this is different Somebody’s gotta suck it up and make an effort And it’s mostly your dude since he’s new to the scene but bd needs to at least be cordial for the child because it’s for the child

Honestly. I didn’t read all of it but I’d like for you to think about somethings. Who’s more important to you. Your child or your partner? Your partner seems like he’s jealous and that’s not fair to you or your kid. It’s you and your kid vs the world and your partner seems like he’s getting mad over something he shouldn’t. You and your bd are co parents and that’s all. Your partner shouldn’t be mad if you wanna spend time with your child JUST BECAUSE your bd is going to be there doesn’t mean anything. He’s the dad. Your partner isn’t your husband and even if he were he doesn’t get to dictate your life with YOUR child. I’m not trying to be mean but it seems like you’re conflicted when you shouldn’t be. It’s seems like your choosing your partner over your child cuz it has nothing to do with your bd. Your bd is always gonna be there cuz he’s the dad. And I only say that it seems like your choosing your partner over your kid is because you don’t want your partner to get mad. And I’m

Typing with a lot of love I promise. It sounds dumb that your partner is gonna get mad. Ok be mad, I’d rather the person that I’m not married to be mad than my child be sad. Plus it’s not just your child’s first time it’s YOUR first time going to Disneyland with your child. And your partner is being selfish. I remember when I first took my daughter to Chuck E. Cheese. I’m was so happy and wanted to cry because my grandma would take us there and now I get to take my own child. Don’t miss out on experiencing things with your kids because of someone else’s emotions. F**ck their emotions. You’re better off single if that’s the case or find someone who isn’t selfish that you wanna spend time with your kids or let alone that your child can experience both of their parents even if their not together. Dont ever let anyone come between you and your baby it’s not worth it no matter how good this “partner” treats you. He’s not acting like one he’s being insecure and selfish.

Ok I finished reading, I’m sorry I just got mad when I read the partner was talking about the bd and Disney. It seems like it’s sort of a male pissing thing or whatever. Idk how your bd feels about your partner but 9 times out of 10 it’s probably because YOU are with someone else and he needs to get over that especially if your child likes your partner. What I said about your partner stands, he can’t be getting in the way of you spending time with your child regardless of who’s there. What it seems like and I could be wrong I’m 💯 guessing but your partner lowkey probably hates to see you with the bs and child cuz yall are a lil family and he’s probably scared of losing you to your bd if at any point things end up working out between the two of you. And maybe your bd kinda would want that or just doesn’t like seeing with your anyone period. Cuz my bd lowkey makes comments about me dating (and im not even there/ thinking about dating) and he says he doesn’t care that I could do whatever

I want but I can tell there’s jealousy behind that. Cuz when he drinks he gets mad saying he’d want to meet whoever I dated and would probably end up beating the sh*t out of him but when he’s sober he says he doesn’t care ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ so maybe that’s the situation your in. Your bd doesn’t have to like your partner but he doesn’t have to try to be nice for your kid. And I do believe you and your bd can do stuff together for your kid! But maybe bringing the partners along and all that would have to be one step at a time. Maybe your bd doesn’t want to bring him along to stuff like that cuz he’s just your boyfriend and not your husband. That’s a BIG difference and I think that’s something your partner doesn’t understand. You and your bd at the end of the day are a family. You and your bd created a little family of your own. It’s a broken family but it’s still a family regardless. Keep that idea in your head that things can workout and everyone can get along. Maybe ask your parents how they

Did it and see what you can do. Lots of patience but at the end of the day, if you wanna go to Disney with your child GO. Dont miss out because of someone else, especially if you’re sleeping in your own room. Remember your partner is probably thinking maybe you and your bd will probably end up hooking up or whatever. Which is again, an insecurity. Does your partner not trust you? Yk ask yourself all these questions. You’re a grown woman, but at the same time remember who you should be making happy. If you going to Disney land to spend time with your child breaks your relationship then it was never going to last. Might as well rip the bandaid off now. Cuz in my head I’m thinking of you telling your partner that you’re going to Disneyland. Imagining your child being so excited that they’re getting both their parents on their first trip to Disney. And then imagining your partner getting mad acting like a fool/ child cuz they didn’t get what they want and decide they’re going to break up

@Cassandra oh mine was such a weirdo when I started dating again it was horrible 😭 but I was eager and polite with his first chick (until she was a hot ass disrespectful mess) My current partner has tried to reach out to him multiple times and he’s wanted no parts (mind you we have the kids full time) Sometimes BDs suck when we start dating

With you because you chose your child over them. I’m sorry I’m a little passionate about this. But enjoy your child cuz as they get older you do too!! You get to see your child grow into an adult, your child only knows you as an adult and senior citizen so literally take the phrase “enjoy them while you can” and run with it. Plus life is so short. You could die tomorrow or get paralyzed and never be able to have this opportunity. So ENJOY YOUR BABY

@Asha I haven’t even gotten to where you are. My bd and I are at a point where we live together but we’re not together. Here’s the kicker too, I’m pregnant with his SECOND child. I’m 25 and I don’t even think I’m going to date anymore cuz my bd is that ONE that broke me so bad im closed off to being with anyone else. And it’s hard for me to let him go cuz I still wanna be with him but he just wants to co parents. But I suffer in silence. Eventually once this baby is born and I’m on my feet I wanna move out because i feel like it’s a weird situation. Cuz if he starts sleeping with someone else my worlds gonna crumble😭 Ik I said I’m 25 but my heart is too pure ik ik. I’m trying to heal but the healing doesn’t really begin until I move. I just need to accept things but I’m in this “he’s judging me and thinks his sh*t dont stink when he’s equally as flawed and just doesn’t wanna commit when I’m literally wifey😭😭” like girl I organize his underwear 😭🤣

@Cassandra 😭 babyyyy get out (mourn what was and could’ve been but acknowledge that you deserve reality not potential) before yall resent one another And get out so you can continue to live your best life because I swear it’s so much easier to grow and thrive in life without him

@Asha I’m in the process of mourning, and I’m trying to accept things as they are. It’s just hard sometimes especially being pregnant. I personally think I might end up resenting him but I’m really trying not to. And I unfortunately can’t get out until I can start working and living on my own. I don’t have family or friends I could stay with and either way my bd threatens to take the babies if I “couch surf” so I have to wait this one out until I can either find a work from home or wait til this baby is born. Cuz my bd is going to make it a problem either way. I think he’s a narcissist at least that’s what his sister told me he was when I’d vent to her. Meanwhile I try to focus on myself and the baby and preparing for this next baby. So the real healing will begin once I start working and can stop leaning on him. It’s just hard without the help and the fact that there aren’t any daycares (the one that’s closest to my house is closing their doors) and I don’t have a car so baby steps

I think your partner should suck it up bc he loves you and your child. Why can’t he come along? Maybe bc he’s not included in anything he gets upset and jealous. I wouldn’t miss this. Sounds fun!