Would you be annoyed?

My sister in law and her husband had their baby girl in January the day before my son’s 1st birthday so practically a year apart. We absolutely adore our niece, my son is so cute with her etc. I tried to be there for her as much as I could during her pregnancy and after my niece was born Ever since they had their baby, things have just changed, my husbands parents just seem to see them more than us, arrange stuff with them etc. Just seems like none of them bother with us anymore (I know it works both ways and we always ask to go see them and arrange stuff etc) One thing that has annoyed me is that my mother in law text me 2 days that they can’t have my son (they very kindly look after him 1 day a week for childcare) and said that one of them was because they are going on a family break away with sister in law, husband and niece. Now I know they can obviously go away together and do as they please However when SIL was pregnant I mentioned us all going for a nice family breakaway back end of the year baby is born and everyone was up for the idea, but just needed to wait till baby was here so she could work out when she would be back at work for leave etc. So it’s annoyed/upset me that they’ve booked something and didn’t even ask us if we wanted to come, especially since I mentioned the idea a while ago. It upsets my husband that his mum and dad don’t really bother with us outside of the childcare (which we are very grateful for obviously) and I feel like this is just mean especially to tell us oh we can’t have grandson that day as we are going away as a family, makes us feel very excluded

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I have family members that are like that. And honestly, I have just stopped caring. Because at the end of the day, you can’t force relationships. For your own mental health and for the sake of your child, try to arrange your own family holidays & childcare. Once you take a step back then you’ll know for sure how much they actually care about you and your child. But honestly it’s just not worth the stress ❤️ I use to care a lot however, since I’ve given up, I am just so happy in my own little bubble that I don’t bother

i understand why you’re annoyed and upset, it definitely seems like there is some kind of favouritism going on. i have a similar fear of this happening but for a reason that might be completely unrelated to yours, but i have just had my second boy. i always wanted a girl but knew it was unlikely because scientifically, males determines the sex of the baby and my partner is 1 of 4 boys, his dad only has a brother and so they’re boy heavy. i love and adore my boys and came to terms with this and im so excited for the future with my boys. however i have this fear that if one of my partners brothers has a baby in the future that is a girl, we will get pushed aside (specifically, my boys) because my partners family were dying for me to have a girl because they’re so boy heavy. even tho i was disappointed, they were even more so and wouldn’t hide it. at the moment, they love and adore my boys, but they’re the only grandkids so far. if someone has a girl, i worry my boys will be pushed aside😢

like above has said, try and just stop caring about them and focus on your family. this is what i plan to do in future if my fears come true. im so proud and happy of the family i’ve created as should you be, and if they’re the ones not wanting to spend time with you then thats their loss. stop making the effort. one day, they will see their actions, they might even come to you saying about your lack of effort but then you can just tell them exactly how you feel and why you stopped trying. it works two ways and if its always you making the effort then def stop and let them come to you xxx

Ah hun, that's really hard. As you say SIL I assume that's your husband's sister? So it's her mum? Can I ask, are you close with your mum? I do Loads with my parents, they see my kids all the time, we're going away with them next month etc, but we see my husband's parents once a fortnight, and they often cancel that... So I wonder if it's just that?

@Charlotte Yeah husbands sister. We were close and went out a lot and she barely speaks to me now (having a baby is hard I would know so I don’t except the same as before but I ask how my niece is and how she is and if she wants to meet up on my non working day and I just don’t get a response) I’m close with my mum but we live closer to his family than mine. However we are hoping to change that this year as my family would come round more, help more with my son and I also have an elderly grandma who needs more help so I want to be there for her more Just feel sorry for my husband, it really gets to him and has said something before but just falls on deaf ears x

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