Help I’m spiralling
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I always think ‘if you can take him, have him’ - I’d rather let my man do what he wants and he can prove himself (or show his true colours) and then that’s that! To me it’s worse to stop your partner doing things out of fear that they’d cheat because then that would mean they’d cheat on you when they had the opportunity anyway! If your partner has never given you a reason not to trust him then you have to find a way - maybe therapy would help?
@Cass well said
Don’t tell me they are Nigerians.
Exactly what cass said! Your husband shouldn’t have to suffer because of your past partners infidelity. Regardless of where your husband is or who he is with, you should be able to trust him.
@Ema girl!!!! You already know 🤣🤣🤣😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫
@Mama A I know ur right I do trust him! I just can’t stop the intrusive thought and picturing all my worst fears.
@Cass I 100% agree good riddance if he can be taken - I never stop him from doing anything. So even this trip I’d never stop him. It’s more my thoughts my trying to control than him! It’s a war zone in my head right now and I honestly don’t think any amount of therapy can help me 😫😫
@Denise yes! Thankfully we’ve had these discussions and he’s not even into the whole clubbing thing anymore his brother very much is and my husband always telling him he needs to grow up. So I’m trusting him to keep that same energy even while he’s away. I don’t mind hanging out with ur brother but clubs and all that with a man that can’t stay away from women even while married just worries my already overthinking mind.
Oh girl I know exactly how you feel, I can relate to your fears unfortunately. I’m NIgerian, married to a Nigerian and I know how Nigerians behave.
If my husband mentioned something like this I would honestly tell him I’m not comfortable with it. And then he wouldn’t go. Why did he not invite you to join in the trip anyway?
@Kathryn thank u for understanding!!! Usually he wouldn’t do anything I’m not comfortable with but this particular trip is for him to secure some land that get got as inheritance and he wants to put the land in our kids name so he is only going for 4 days a e have 3 kids and it’ll be so expensive for all 5 of us to just go for 4 days and I have no childcare to help with the kids otherwise I would have gone with him. He’s promised me no partying or clubbing strictly business and said him and his brother have different friend groups back home so his brother can go out clubbing on his own if he wants 😫😫 I’m glad I’m not the only woman who will feel uncomfortable.
@Ema see u get it!!!! He’s going for just 4 days but from now until he leaves in October I don’t know how to control my thoughts and not let them hang over me! 😫😫
A friend once told me - that if anything was going to happen, worrying and feeling anxious and panicked wouldn’t stop it. It’s easier said than done, but you could also explain to him how you’re feeling and say it’s not a reflection of him but something you are trying to work on so any support from him would be well recieved. Frequent calls etc, him putting in some extra effort to reassure you x
Agree if he knows him going to clubs bothers you and still goes thats a 🚩. But also what grown married man goes to clubs? That's a big ick.
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I think it’s only natural to have concerns as a wife and that should be respected and you should be made to feel secure.
I would say speak to him about your feelings and make sure he knows it’s not about him. If he cares, he will want to reassure you.
Make sure he knows how you feel and then you have to trust him. When we visit my husbands friends together he tends to get drunk but once he went alone they didn’t go out drinking they just stayed home and I spoke to him on the phone whilst he was there. It sounds like he is going for a legit reason so hopefully he just stays focused on that!
He shouldn’t be going to clubs if it bothers you. Going just shouldn’t be worth upsetting you in my opinion. Plenty of girls don’t want their man there (whether they’ve been cheated on or not). It’s not generally the setting for a taken man. That being said, him just regularly hang out with his brother in not club settings is fine.