Do we (as new mothers) need to keep celebrating our mothers on Mother's Day?

Before judging, please read below My mother's birthday is on May 8th. For my entire life, it's been the most stressful time of year- 2 days of celebrating my mother, back to back where I needed to go above and beyond for my extremely picky and judgy mother. Since becoming a mother myself, it has continued, but Ive realized that I still can't enjoy mother's Day (even as a mother now) because I'm just thinking about my mom during the entire mothers Day weekend. Would I be an ass if I asked my mom to do a one-day 2 in 1 celebration? 😬😬😬 A one day where we visit to celebrate her birthday and mother's day on the same day...? Or suggest to drop mother's day and just do her birthday instead? I'm so nervous going to her directly about this because she has such high expectations and is kind of a narcissist if I'm honest. I've learnt to create boundaries and to enforce them in order to keep my peace and heck, I believe that I deserve to have enjoyable mother's days. Anyway- I want to hear your opinions first before facing the dragon! 🙈

Show your support

If you already have your mind made up just do it. I don’t see the point of asking when you already know what you want. At most I’d say something like “now that I’m a mother I’d like to spend Mother’s Day being celebrated, so from now on I’ll be celebrating your birthday and Mother’s Day together”

🤷‍♀️ did she go out of her way to celebrate her own mother on Mother’s Day when she was raising you? Cause if she didn’t then I don’t think you’re an asshole at all.

No. Do one celebration or get her one set of flowers/gifts and buy 2 cards- happy Mday and a happy birthday card. There. Done. She’s celebrated. Don’t ask just do it that way and in her head she’ll be thinking “oh so it seems this gift is for both. Okay 💁🏻‍♀️”

Once I became a mom I stopped making Mother’s Day about my mother and turned it into a day to celebrate me as a mother , dinner with my family and a relaxing evening my husband always pampers me etc. I just wish my mom a mother days and maybe send some flowers or whatever she likes but other than that I don’t do anything else. Especially not stress myself out over celebrating her.

Combo day

What’s your relationship like outside this issue? Because I honestly cannot imagine not celebrating my mom (and she’s actually my MIL) on Mother’s Day and also celebrating her birthday. Separately

I don’t really get the ‘now I’m a Mum do I need to keep celebrating my Mum’ thing. She didn’t stop being your Mum, of course you should still celebrate her. But I do think she should be ok with celebrating both on one day as they’re 1 day apart.

Don’t ask - tell. “Mom, this year I need to do both your in-person birthday and Mother’s Day celebration on the same day since my family has plans for Mother’s Day. I’m excited to celebrate you!” She might have a negative reaction, and that is her problem, not your problem.

I agree with the “don’t ask” just do it sentiment. I also have a bit of a narcissist for a mom and I’ve learned when I decide to do something and just do it she has to adapt. But if I try to ask vs tell she tries (and usually does) make me feel guilty and then I back down. My suggestion would be to tell her you’re celebrating her bday and Mother’s Day together on the one day and tell her because “I’m celebrating with my family my motherhood on Mother’s Day.” 🤗❤️ hugs, these things are tricky and it will be a growth opportunity!