Who is responsible?

But Audrey should’ve also made sure the spending limit was okay and reasonable with the group first

Is Audrey keeping the price a secret until they come and ask?

@𝔾𝕚𝕤𝕖𝕝𝕝𝕖, no, she just hasn't shared for unknown reasons. Possibly busy, possibly expecting people to ask, possibly assuming they know etc Real-life example; gift was discussed and agreed on. However, a travel cost was added after the fact, which changed the price. I wanted to confirm the price and found this out. I questioned the difference in what I was originally told and the new price, which is when I was told why it was added. I said that's fine. A fight had ensued, though, because my brother and SIL thought I should have asked, and I thought it was their responsibility to share that information. Whenever I'm the one paying, I let people know how much they owe. I also don't change the price without an explanation and apology.

I put Audrey as money should be agreed beforehand but depending on what the present was I’m surprised it didn’t come up earlier. For example, if you’ve agreed to get your friend concert tickets in another city, you also need to consider how they will get there, do they need a place to stay etc. and whether it’s reasonable/ viable for you or them to pay those costs.

Was there a budget for this gift?

If Audrey hasn’t shared what people need to pay, then I would say ‘Audrey, what do we owe?’

@Hancel, that doesn't matter. The budget could have been $500, and she spent $200. Assume that yes, they agreed on a budget.

@Emily, obviously, but that doesn't answer the question.

Can work both ways, Audrey can say "I've got the gift it works out X each" or "I've got the gift" and someone replies "thanks, how much do we owe you" I assume its all in a group chat because it's 2025 😂

Should have agreed on the gifts cost before buying anything

We buy joint gifts all the time with our in-laws. We usually agree a rough idea of what we’re going to buy and how much it costs, then whoever is organising it tells us the amount we all owe. I always transfer the money right away, otherwise I’ll forget. I probably wouldn’t remember to ask again if the person organising didn’t tell us the amount. I do think it’s on them to tell the group once they’ve bought the stuff. Since we’re the only ones with a kid, whoever is doing the purchasing usually checks with us if the amount goes up significantly more than expected in case we can’t afford the extra.

Rude 😂 and actually it does. I said Audrey, BUT if she’s not telling people what they owe or whatever, then someone needs to be an adult, and ask the question what they owe.

@Emily, again, obviously lol

@Kath, yes, but most things have additional costs for shipping, travelling, handling fees, etc, and you can't always know those up front. You also can't know exactly how much something is going to cost. So you can agree on flowers for $50, but Audrey might not be able to find flowers for that much and may spend $45 instead or $60 or may add a card for $5 or change the gift completely and spend $40 on something else etc In an example, I gave in the comments. I had zero idea that the travelling fee wasn't included in the cost I was estimated, and even if it wasn't, I wouln't have known what the cost was without those who paid telling me. I'm talking generalities, though. Obviously, if you aren't told, ask, but I was just wondering who the onus was on. The buyer to provide the Info or the others to ask. Because I made a comment to my brother and SIL in a group chat that they should have told us the cost or something similar and I've been made to feel like I'm the made guy and a bitch for suggesting that.

@Alice, it is, and I'm aware, but who is the onus on, or is it just always everyone involved?

I said both. Audrey should communicate the amount owed but everyone else knows they agreed to split a gift and know when the gift is going to be given so if Audrey doesn’t say anything then they should ask.

I said both and voted both

@Rhiannon, I'm the only sibling with a kid (until August), and I've had no such consideration. My SIL organised a catered meal for my Dad for his 70th, and it was agreed, and we knew the rough price as we got to choose a menu. Then it was laid on my partner and I that it was required a minimum of 10 people for the meal we had chosen and there are 9 adults in our family so our THREE year old would be considered an adult and we would have to pay about $100 for him, in addition to $100 for each of us. I was really angry but couldn't say anything as my SIL would get mad and cause an issue, and it was for my Dad, etc We had heaps of issues around the catered meal. It was insane. Food was great but it wasn't worth it.

I hate the idea of owing money so personally I wouldn’t wait for Audrey to ask I would ask how much she would like for me to send or ask how much the gift costs and send my share, it’s just called being a mature adult Lool 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ma’am I was asking you a question. No need for attitude, especially if you’re asking for advise. As for your question, I don’t like owing people money but that’s me. I would ask her, so ya.

I don’t like surprises and I want to know the full price up front I got bills and kids if we agree on one price and it later changes then someone better figure out a different gift with the budget we set

I wouldn’t get involved with anything that involves spliting costs with them if it is going to cause issues and fights. I would politely decline and maybe suggest an alternative next time they ask. I don’t think it was fair to just say you have to pay $100 for a toddler when they do not eat $100 worth of food. Depending on if it was individual meals or a group meal that was $100 a person there could have been a more fair way to split it up.

@Hancel, I didn't have attitude, but ok.

@Christina, oh, I have zero intention of ever doing a group gift with them again. Im still so angry about it. They later basically said dont pay it was their gift to my Dad, after we agreed it was a gift from all the kids. We also had issues with my mum's birthday a few weeks ago, and I asked for better communication in the future and so for mothers day, my brother and SIL changed the group gift for my little sister without talking to me (apparently spoke to my older sister) and I found out when we were giving gifts. He also forgot the gift. I was under the impression that my older sister had bought her flowers. Felt like a slap in the face, honestly. Feel like my SIL did this on purpose because she got the shits when I asked for better communication. Have no evidence, though, but I don't think my brother would suggest switching from flowers to a candle. Apparently, SIL thought my little sister wouldn't like flowers. She would, though, so the whole thing is weird....

....it was also my idea to get my sister something in the first place (she is pregnant), and then she had to go to my brothers house to get the gift off my SIL after she seemingly took control. I spoke to my older sister about flowers and my brother, but he never got back to me. SIL had a cold last week, so she wasn't coming for Mothers Day. She did go to a concert Mothers Day night, though, so 🤷‍♀️