Advice please

I had a pretty traumatic experience too but I've found that its more about acceptance and letting go. Focus more on the fact that you and your baby are healthy and safe and alive. And that should trump anythinv else that happened. But obviously if its still weighing heavily on you then get yourself into therapy and get past it so you can be in the present and enjoy your son and life as it is now.

Did you report her?! wtf

That was awful, but it was 3 years ago. I would just try & get on with your life & don't give her another thought. X

Fuck therapy. The best therapy is revenge. That was a dereliction of duty on their part and you are still suffering the mental health effects of their utter lack of care. You need to complain to PALS. https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/hospitals/what-is-pals-patient-advice-and-liaison-service/

Even if time does heal id get therapy anyway to process it, only ever a good thing. Im sorry this happened though, it sounds horrid

I've had a very similar experience 2,5 years ago and I still think about it a lot. I sure am not over it yet but I feel like time is going to help. It's not like I will ever forget what happened but the thought just won't make me so upset anymore like it used to, it's easier to put aside when it's comes up.

I’m so sorry this happened to you. I had a very traumatic experience with my first around 3.5 years ago. I was in labor for 54 hours and my docs and midwife at the time made poor decisions that resulted in an emergency c-section. I almost lost my baby. For a while I used to get so upset thinking about what happened and even thought about suing the hospital. About a year ago I sought therapy instead and so glad I did. I learned to accept what happened, be grateful of my happy ending despite it all and found a way to let go and move on. It’s hard to let go sometimes, especially when someone was clearly wrong, but by holding on to it, you’re depriving yourself of other positive experiences. Whether through time, therapy or something else, I pray you also find a way to move on from this!💕

This is why masks and aprons are there for nurses to care for infectious patients. I was a nurse for a long time. What this person has done is wrong, it’s barbaric. You need to report this.

Both time and therapy but the right therapy i would also add file complaint on midwife for neglect

Reading this made me really tearful 😞 I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I can’t imagine how vulnerable, frightened and helpless you must have felt. That midwife should be ashamed of her selfish mentality. Where’s the duty of care? You sound extremely upset and so you should be! I would recommend some talking therapy hunny. You can also arrange to have a de-brief about your birth which I’d highly recommend. Sending you kind hugs 🤗

Sorry to hear, see if your hospital has a patient maternity group which is independently run that you can perhaps contact. Another route for closure is by going to the PALs team at your hospital check their website if you're in the UK to file a feedback might be more appropriate rather than complaint as I'm sure staff move on etc, just to write some words about your experience, how it felt, how care could have been delivered better especially in that challenging time of COVID. Hospitals always respond, they may write you back, the head of maternity nursing may call you or you might be invited to meet with them but that is very rare depending. Plus yes therapy via IAPT if in UK you can self refer, they can get you going with this and it's better to talk than hold it all in as it sounds like you feel robbed of a happy time that was meant to be happy, loving, caring and family orientated.

Thank you everybody. I think I'm going to look into therapy but also maybe lodge a complaint. Can I do that after this long though?

Therapy for you and a report for her! xx

@Francesca I think in the UK is 3 years from the incident or the "date of knowledge" (which is when you realized the issue was due to that negligence). You can report to the NMC xx

That sounds awful 💔 I know it’s been years, but I’m pretty sure you can still do a birth reflections (it says there is no time limit on them), which is basically someone talks through the notes on your birth, how you felt about it and explains why things maybe did or did not happen. It’s not a complaints process but all the learning from it goes back into the service, and they should also be able to give you advice on how to file a formal complaint (which you should do no matter what). I found it useful, alongside therapy (my therapist also encouraged me to do the birth reflections and make a PALS complaint). Time is a healer but having therapy or some kind of outlet for your feelings will also be really beneficial. I’ll also say the NHS pushes CBT but for this type of experience, person centred counselling might be more useful and you can push to receive that. They might ask you to try CBT first but you can always do a few sessions then ask to try something else. ♥️♥️

Definitely second a PALS complaint! Sounds very upsetting. I had a crap midwife who said - when I showed her my cracked and agonisingly painful nipples when feeding my 10 day old - 'oh, I've seen much worse'. What a dick. Almost reported HER for that - you definitely should!!

So I don’t have a similar experience.. but after my miscarriage of my first baby I was very angry and jealous of those around me getting pregnant. I found that writing my feelings out (as if I was venting to someone) made me feel so much better. I’m not saying don’t try therapy.. but maybe give that a try too..?