I don’t want a second child and my husband does….
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It’s important to consider that being older increases the chances of having a child with physical or mental challenges. It seems like you’re not entirely convinced about wanting another child, and having another just to provide your current child with a sibling isn’t a sufficient reason. I read in an article that a mother’s happiness is more important than giving her child a sibling. Having a baby after 40 can put a strain on your body, not to mention the demands of pregnancy and recovery. You also need to have the energy to care for another child. If I were in your position, especially since I had my first child at 39, I would choose not to have another child.
I had 2, one at 37 and one at 39. Definitely wouldn't do it again now that Im 40. I didn't like the pregnancy stage and those first 8 wks were also a nightmare for me. 2 is more than enough for me, but 1 was also perfect. So I feel you and hear. Giving a child a sibling is not enough of a reason to endure another pregnancy. Share your concerns with hubby.
I can understand where you’re coming from once you hit 35, pregnancies do become a lot harder on your body. I will say in your husband’s defense that I did end up taking in my husband‘s niece and raising her for three years when she was 13. She was an only child and she would always tell me how much she wanted siblings. When she came to live with us, she said she felt more at home with us than she ever has before. We do have 6 Kids so plenty of siblings over here. But at your age, you do have pros and cons to weigh out. If the pregnancy was that hard on you Then it can be unimaginable to put yourself through it again. If you do decide to have one more child, I would recommend getting a Doula and possibly a Manny or a nanny for the first month after delivery.
I don’t think your selfish for not wanting a second. There’s plenty of children who live wonderful fulfilled lives being only children. Having a second at your age sounds risky and like it would make you unhappy. I agree that to be a lot on your body in your 40’s.
Having one just to give your current child a sibling is NOT a good enough reason in my opinion
Not all siblings are friends. My sister and I fought constantly growing up and barely keep in touch now. We don't hate each other, we just were never close and are very different people. Then there are the siblings who do really dislike each other. It's a whole other level of work with more than one kid to manage and mediate their relationship and try to cultivate a healthy dynamic. If you don't feel up to all that, you shouldn't have another.
I had my first at 40 through IVF, great pregnancy and no issues genetically or since birth. He is amazing and we planned to be one and done. Until we accidentally fell naturally when I was 43. The pregnancy was definitely harder on my body and in general I just felt it more. Especially chasing a toddler. Although there were no complications with the pregnancy or the baby. My recovery was definitely harder and longer as well. Wouldn’t change the outcome I love my second son but the whole newborn stage and sleep depravity is worse. I just don’t have the energy I had first time. Still I am glad forge sinking given we are older parents it manager will have each other later in life when we get on in age. You’re not selfish, it’s hard at this age and it’s stressful on you all when you’re tired, money is tight and you have a little one that fills your cup already!
This is a hard one because you are both entitled to how you feel. I hate to say it but this would be a major deal breaker for me if my partner didn’t want another child but I did. I don’t think I could stay. However I’m only 25 so would have plenty of time and I don’t mean to sound rude but as you are 40s you don’t really have “time” to waste if you’re debating a second. End of the day you don’t have to have a baby if you don’t want to but if he wants another and then walks away then that would also be fair for him x
I think you have answered your own question. You don’t want another baby and you don’t have to feel bad or justify it to anyone. Well you do need to discuss it with your husband, but don’t feel pressured or do it to keep him happy if your heart isn’t in it. It’s a big responsibility to take on even when you do want another child.
It’s not selfish. Ultimately you have to carry the child, birth them, recover from the birth and even though it’s 2025 still be the key caregiver as that’s just how physiologically things pan out with feeding etc. There a million logically reasons not to have another child at any age. From finances, where you live where you are in your career, the list is endless so I think it’s always, ultimately an emotional decision. What I will say is there is a lot of scaremongering when it comes to older mothers, when there are risks regardless of age. I reluctantly became a parent first at 40 and then at 43, this time intentionally. Healthy pregnancies, births and recoveries with well children. I probably know 20+ women who’ve had healthy babies in their 40’s. 2nd time round parenthood been so much more chill etc. I haven’t had a seconds regret about my daughter but key is I wanted to have 2. In your case… it’s pretty clear from your post you don’t?
I’m an older mom as well. Had my first w/ IVF at 43 & now I’m 44 about to god willing implant my 2nd. Yes it’s a lot of work but the baby smiling back is so worth it. Maybe I’m crazy but I definitely feel I’ve always been a pretty healthy & energetic person. I eat healthy & work out. Praying that the power of positivity leads you, I know easier said than done but we are in this together!
I love my son so much he’s only 6 months but he def. Pushes me to be stronger !!💪🏻
It's not selfish to want one child. To me, having a baby to give a baby a sibling is a bad reason to have another baby. That baby should be wanted in his or her own right. Even if your child had a sibling, there's no guarantee they'll be friends and want to be in one another's lives in the future. I think your plan to devote yourself to your one child makes sense!
Have you ever considered adopting a slightly older child, maybe through the foster care system? It could offer a sibling without having to go through birth or sleep deprivation again. And you would know what you are getting because there’s a trial period. And you can tell them what you are looking for.
Of course there is also autism. I don’t know if it means anything but the first time the results were a little close for the first test, I had to take the second one.