Just venting

So about two days ago I found out I was pregnant with my fifth child and in the moment of me finding out I was completely unsure if I wanted to keep the baby because I just had a baby in January and I feel like my life is just getting back on track. and before anybody say it, yes I was on birth control but anytime I’m on birth control. I think my body rejects it. So I have put the thought of me being pregnant to the back of my head as much as I possibly can and told myself I’m not gonna think about it and I’m just gonna hide the pregnancy until I go into labor because I just cannot face my family judgment right now, and it really shouldn’t even matter because it’s my life but they’re gonna try to make me feel bad and I already am not in a good mental space because I feel like I’m going through postpartum. I just turned 24 and I feel like this is not what I wanted my next move to be. I thought I was going to take a break on the kids and get my career started. I feel like I keep putting my dreams on pause although I truly love my kids to death I still want stuff for myself and a non-selfish way.